


Just The Way You Are

by PeppermintAlice



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Binge Eating Disorder, Bullying, Chubby Armin Arlert, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/F, M/M, Multi, Social Anxiety, Weight Gain, Weight Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-02-24 00:56:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 43,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2562200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeppermintAlice/pseuds/PeppermintAlice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the lose of his parents Armin has moved in with his grandfather's apartment above the bakery he owned. Being previously home schooled he now must venture into public school for the first time. Will it be too much for him or will there be someone to help him adjust to his new life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Notes: I wanted to write something kinda out there... I'm not a very good writer so I apologize ahead of time. I'm a total Armin fan and I'm terrible and love putting him in awkward situations. The whole High school AU thing is probably over done but whatever. Uhm... So I'm all nervous because I hope it doesn't suck. Plus I think cute chubby Armin would be kinda sweet! <3 My first story in like ... years. I don't read much fanfiction so I hope their relatively in character considering it's AU and this first chapter is pretty much just getting the story in motion. Lastly _italic text_ is for thoughts........Waah *blushes and hides* Please enjoy!

 

* * *

 

 

 

The rain tapped away at the glass of the nearby window, the sound of the wind whistled throughout the silence of the quiet room. There was a soft glow nearby in the corner of the room radiating off the laptop which accented the face of a round faced boy. He leaned onto the desk, his head rested gently on his arms for support as he slept.

 

A soft groan escaped the soft lips followed by a small yawn. He shifted his body slightly and slowly opened his eyes. The beautiful large, round blue eyes and chin length blonde hair accented the round face perfectly. The blonde leaned back in the soft cushions of the chair letting out a deep breath.

 

He stood up from the chair and stretched feeling it relieve any stress from his body. The oversized pajamas hung loosely over his soft left shoulder. His body stature was short, frail and his body was accented with a layer of soft pudgy baby fat. Although being fifteen and clearly in puberty his features became more feminine.

 

Armin Arlert, a very gifted child, his intellect was beyond that of an average teen. He had been a home schooled child until just recently when his parents had both passed in an accident. His only surviving relative was a grandfather who ran a bakery and lived in a small apartment above the store. He took Armin in with open arms and set up a small room to accommodate the young boy.

He took his time getting ready, taking one last look in the mirror at the school uniform. He fixed the necktie and smiled weakly, the outfit was so formal, a button up dress shirt underneath, tucked into a pair of black slacks, and it was strangely uncomfortably snug.

 

He felt anxious. Armin’s mind ran with many thoughts of school, and at most he was scared. The small room was now his home. Even though it was littered with familiar things he felt terrified. Everything seemed foreign outside his small living courters.  He never really had many friends nor did he know how to interact with others very well.

 

He spent a lot of the summer adjusting to his new surroundings. At first he spent a lot of his time in his room, but eventually made his way to helping his grandfather in the bakery. His grandfather’s baking was amazing, there were always customers placing orders for not just the special breads but for the pastries, and other sweets. It was always a busy place but now that school had come around for the fall he was going to have less time to help out. He almost felt guilty.

 

He felt sadness overwhelm him. It was like his world was twisted upside down in a mere instant. One minute being with his family, happy and content with his life yet only to quickly change to being scared and confused. He bit his lower lip gently and let out a heavy sigh.  It was now or never…

 

He grabbed the nearby backpack and opened the door. He walked out to the kitchen and smiled seeing his grandfather sitting at the table drinking a steaming cup of tea. The blonde approached the table and sighed, “Good morning Grandpa.”

 

“Hmnn, good morning. Are you ready for school this early?” His grandfather eyed the blonde’s still tired eyes, “You could have slept for a little longer.”

 

Armin grabbed a cinnamon bun from a plate and bit into it, “Mmm…” He swallowed and plopped down on the chair across from the elderly man, “I fell asleep at my desk again…”

 

“Ohhh, again?” He put the cup down on the table and shook his head, “You’ll hurt yourself sleeping like that.”

 

“Oh, I’ll make sure to come home right away after school to help out at the store.” Armin stated taking another bite of the pastry.

 

“Now, we talked about this, your studies come first. You’re smart Armin but I don’t want me to be a reason your grades slip.” His grandfather stated. “I have plenty of help.”

 

Armin sighed, “You work too hard sometimes, and I don’t want you to hurt yourself. Well, ok, I will help out on weekends…” He insisted with a small smile.

 

His grandfather chuckled softly shaking his head, “Alright, you’re such a good kid Armin. With all you have been through you still smile.”

 

Armin kept his glance downward at the sweet pastry in his hand. He took another bite and nodded slightly in response.  Little did he know the blonde was depressed. He hid his sadness the best he could by keeping himself busy yet he saved his tears for when he was alone. He eventually found comfort in the bakery sweets. Sneaking some away when he just wanted to hide and comfort himself.

 

“Did you want a drive to school? The weather is pretty bad…”

 

Armin snapped out of his thoughts, “Oh…uh… sure. I-If you don’t mind, I’d hate to be a bother…”

 

“You could never be m’boy…” He slowly got up from the chair and pat the boy on the head like a child before he placed the now empty cup on the kitchen counter.

 

Armin smiled gratefully in response but stayed silent as he finished his food.

 

_I wonder what public school is like._

 

 

* * *

 

 

His breathing quickened and he felt his heart race. The blonde stood in the hallway of the crowded school.

 

A deep breath escaped his lips hoping to calm his nerves. “I can do this…” He breathed outwardly quickly scanning the room. He stared down at his schedule, “My classroom is 104…” He muttered softly

 

He was early, but finding his home room early would be a good idea. He kept his head down and did his best to avoid as many of the students as he could. He chewed his lower lip softly glancing up at each door as he walked past.

 

Armin started to panic. He couldn’t deal with all the students, it was overwhelming. Dammit, he even spent the past week mentally preparing himself for this.  Tears stung his eyes. He shoved past a group of teen boys who were nearly blocking most of the hall.

 

Luckily for him the hallways connecting to his classroom were less busy with students. His breathing started to return to normal and the panic started to fade. He put his focus on his classroom which thankfully was close by. He stared at the door taking in the details of it, number 104, it had a small glass window and the texture of the wood was old yet smooth.

 

The blonde reached for the door knob and slowly pushed it open. It was empty for now. The floor was well polished and clean. Each desk was spaced perfectly apart, everything ready for the new school year. He grazed the tips of his fingers over one of the nearby desks. It felt so strange. The boy had never been in a place like this.

 

He tilted his head and continued into the room. The larger desk that sat in the front of the room had a few books neatly stacked on it. Nothing was out of place although curiosity got the better of him and he picked up on of the books off the desk and flipped through it carelessly.

 

Armin suddenly heard a sound from the doorway catching him off guard. His body jolted slightly as he dropped the book as he turned his attention to the opened door. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.

 

A man stood at the doorway, Armin felt his heart beat quicken. He had a piercing stare and dark hair which was tapered neatly in the back, his dress shirt hung loosely over what Armin could tell was a toned chest. His outfit looked neatly pressed and he could smell the fresh scent as the dark haired man approached.

 

Armin quickly turned his stare to the floor. The man was… intimidating.

 

“Do you often go through other peoples belongings without permission?”

 

His voice was cold and the hint of annoyance rolled off his tongue. Armin was so nervous he could only stutter in response, “N-n-no. I-I’m s-sorry…” The blonde bowed forward apologetically.

 

“Tch,” The man snorted in response, “I’m sure it would be best not to get on your teachers bad side on your first day.”

 

“E-eh…?” He was a teacher?! Armin gulped and fumbled, “Y-yes sir… I’m very sorry sir…”

 

The blonde was really irritating him. “These students get worse every year…” Armin could hear the words that hissed through the teachers teeth making his blue eyes continue to stare downward to the floor. He felt scared.

 

“You’re early though.”

 

Armin kept his gaze to the floor and fumbled softly with his words, “I-I… just….”

 

A long sigh, “If you’re going to cry you can get out of my classroom. “

 

Armin’s gaze shot up and stared the teacher in the eyes, “I-I’m not going to cry. Also, I’m fairly sure a teacher should not talk to his students with such disrespect.” With arms crossed Armin made a stand.

 

A soft grunt escaped the others lips, “I suggest you find a seat Armin Arlert.”

 

The blonde felt his stomach tighten with nerves, “H-how did you know my name?” He chewed his lower lip gently his right hand gripping tightly onto the shoulder strap of his backpack.

 

“I make it a habit of knowing all of my students, makes all you snot nosed brats easier to deal with.” His lips spat out the words as he sat at the edge of his desk peering deeply into the blondes gentle blue eyes.  “Now go, find a seat. Also do not touch my things again.”

 

Armin swallowed dryly, “Yes sir…” he responded in a low whisper turning to observe the various desks in the room.

 

Just as the blonde picked out one of the many desks a numerous students began to fill the room. Each one seemed noisier than the next. Armin felt just as scared as before. His social anxiety flared up, his shy eyes peered downward at the polished wood of the desk. His stomach continued to hurt maybe from hunger or more than likely was just fear. Well, maybe a bit of both…

 

Armin had learned that his teachers name was Levi Ackerman. The man was strict and forward but in terms he was a very intelligent man. He seemed very good at managing the rowdiness of the average teen. The blonde could tell deep down he cared for them, almost like tough love? Brutally honest but at the same time seemed caring.

 

It was nearing lunch break and Armin felt like he wanted to puke. He was starving and immediately felt his stomach pang in hunger. He felt a bit more comfortable around the crowd of people thankfully. His cheeks burned with embarrassment ever time his stomach made uncomfortable sounds. He kept his stare at the book on his desk knowing very well at everyone around him could clearly hear it.

 

“Hn, all of you are free for lunch.”

 

Armin perked up at those words with a sigh of relief, _Oh finally…_

 

He quickly packed his belongings in his backpack which was now heavier than before with the new books and study material. He was definitely not used to this. When his mother home taught him she was so gentle, maybe she spoiled him, just a little bit. He pouted a bit at the thought of his mother, his eyes stung and his chest felt heavy.

 

He felt lonely.

 

The classroom emptied quickly, Armin waited till most of the students left before he got up from his chair. He looked over at his teacher with curiosity and downward to the book he held. He parted his lips so to speak as he approached the desk but he found himself unable to get any words out.

 

Levi looked up at the blonde, “Yes?”

 

Armin could hear that usual hint of annoyance, “U-uhm… t-that book… I-I… It’s one of my favorites.” He stammered feeling his cheeks burn feeling like he made a fool of himself.

 

Levi continued to look up at the round faced blonde. He could clearly see the innocence in those blue eyes. “Is it now?” He placed the book down and stood up. He observed the blonde a bit more carefully.

 

Armin felt a chill go up his spine due to the piercing stare, “S-sorry sir…” He felt awkward again and flinched slightly.

 

“Go to lunch, I could hear that terrible noise coming from you for the past hour. If you come back and disturb my class with that irritating noise again I will kick you out of this classroom.” He noticed the blonde quickly turn in quick retreat of the classroom with a quick soft ‘yes sir’.

 

Levi rubbed his temple in frustration. He wasn’t used to handling this type. Soft and weak like a marshmallow. Although he made it a habit to know everything about each student, he knew Armin was previously homeschooled before the loss of his parents, he expected him to be more difficult to handle- more of a brat then shy and timid. He was going to be a target of possible bullying.

 

_I’ll have to keep my eye on him…_

 

* * *

 

 

Armin felt like he was dragging his feet. He needed food. His body craved something extremely sweet or maybe something caffeinated. He shut out everything around him as he made his choices. Maybe he grabbed too much to eat but his stomach ached and he didn’t care. He loved sweets so he added extra snacks with his meal. Nothing beat his grandfather’s baking though.

 

His large blue eyes scanned the room as he turned to find a seat. He was grateful that one of the tables was empty. His shyness took over so sitting alone seemed perfect although he listened to nearby conversations regarding sports, the food, girls and a lot of silly things- he found a lot of them… immature.

 

Armin gazed over near the doorway seeing his teacher leaning up against the wall sipping on a cup of coffee keeping his glances carefully across the room and then on him. The blonde’s eyes directed back down to his tray as he started biting into one of the cookies he picked up from his tray.

He glanced over to the table beside him, he recognized most of the students that sat there, most were from his class. He tried his best to recall their names- Eren, Jean, Mikasa, Marco, Sasha and Connie.  He noticed the one he identified as Eren and Jean were fighting over something only to have Mikasa calm the two down sternly.

 

Armin felt uncomfortable with social situations. He was as what most would call a shut in. He loved to stay inside and read. Even now helping his grandfather with his bakery was a scary experience yet he was determined to not be a burden to his only family.

 

“Hey, you’re in our class right?”

 

The sudden voice made Armin swallow nervously and he slowly looked up at a dark brown haired boy. He had very striking green eyes and a genuine smile.

 

Armin nodded shyly in response.

 

“I’m Eren.”

 

Armin smiled sweetly, “I’m Armin… Nice to meet you.”

 

He sat at the table with Armin who smiled shyly. He wasn’t sure what to say to them, he never really had talked with anyone much other than his family.

 

Armin glanced continuously at Eren and felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment, “Uhm…”

 

 “No offence but you looked kind of lonely over here.”

 

Armin could never hold back a blush when he felt embarrassed. “O-oh… d-did I? I-I’m just shy I guess…I’m sorry.” He admitted shoving the last piece of cookie in his mouth.

 

Eren frowned, “There’s no need to be sorry Armin. Being shy is not a crime.” Eren looked over at his friends at the other table.

 

He stared at Eren analyzing the green eyed boy. Armin could tell Eren was a bit taller than him and he was expecting that he was well muscled under the layers of the school uniform. Armin’s cheeks flushed, _w-why am I analyzing him like this…?_

 

“Armin?”

 

The blonde blinked and shook himself out of his daydream, “Hm? Sorry… I-Is something wrong?”

 

Eren chuckled, “I was asking if you wanted to come sit with us.”

 

“Oh…” Armin stared downward towards his lap, “I-I… I think I’ll head back to class early.”

 

He fumbled awkwardly with his words; if he had such a hard time talking to one person being in a group would be a disaster.  He pouted his lower lip and gazed over to the other table. Crap. All eyes were on him, he immediately tore his gaze away feeling himself want to shrink away in terror. Why did someone have to bring attention towards him?

 

“Alright, next time then?” Eren looked disappointed causing Armin to feel guilty; his blue eyes gazed up to meet green. Armin felt his heart flutter as he stared into those eyes, his cheeks kept its soft pink tint.

 

“Y-yes…of course… I-it was nice to meet you Eren. I’ll see you in class.” Armin stood up from his chair and smiled shyly. He grabbed his backpack and rushed out of the cafeteria his gaze glued to the floor.

 

It wasn’t that he wanted to leave his possible new friends but he felt nervous around others unless he knew someone well. He wasn’t sure why but maybe he was afraid of being judged or pushed, shunned for being himself, maybe for his soft looks or timid personality. His large blue eyes stared downward to his desk with insecurity as he sat at his seat in the classroom. He felt like shrinking away from embarrassment and he didn’t even know why.

 

 _Why is he being so nice to someone he just met?_ The blonde’s mind frantically searched for a rational answer but due to inexperience with any real social situations like this was foreign to him. It seemed his entire day was full of bumbling speech and awkward conversations.  He felt so inadequate for a place such as this. It made him miss his family, his eyes glassed over and he felt his eyes sting with the oncoming tears.

His mind frantically searched for answers, he felt terrified now and he couldn’t even explain it. Stress, anxiety and complete utter frustration overcame his very being. He just wanted to go back to go home read, curl up on his bed and hide away from the world. Armin desperately felt the need to do something, anything to rid himself of this terrible feeling.

 

He bit his lower lip gently mauling it over against his teeth as all rationality of the situation faded as he thought about indulging in some of the bakery sweets. The thought of it strangely calmed his mind- he’d really have to enjoy some of it when he went home.

 

 _I really don’t want to be back to class… I know I am going to get in trouble if I leave.._. He mauled the idea over in his head knowing purely that he could come up with a convincing explanation.

 

He puffed his chubby cheeks and slowly exhaled slowly. The classroom filled gradually as the lunch ended, _I guess it’s too late to attempt to sneak out_.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The day seemed to last forever but the walk home was the worst. His legs and feet hurt and h felt completely exhausted as he approached the doorway of his room. _Stairs also suck…_ He thought as he pressed his forehead up against the coolness of the door as he fumbled to open it up. He eagerly pushed it open and shut it quickly behind him kicking his shoes off carelessly before collapsing on his bed.

 

The sheets felt nice against his skin as he let his body sink into the soft comfort of the mattress. The day wasn’t even over and he was already at his limit. He pulled his backpack towards himself as he sat up slightly leaning up against the headboard of the bed.  He pulled out a bag of sweets he had grabbed on his way through the store before heading upstairs.

 

This was so unlike him, he was usually more modest but something about this situation made his adrenaline rush. The blonde pouted. The loss of his family took his toll on his fragile mind. He spent months grieving and being tossed around by random adults as they tried to figure out what to do with him.

 

Armin found this all to be too much to handle. He felt like nothing matter anymore, he loved his grandfather but it was difficult connecting to all the changes in his life.

 

Finally, he felt it, tears spilled down his round pale cheeks.

 

_How am I going to survive going to public school…? What should I do? I’m scared…_

 

It couldn’t get any worse? Could it?

 

Of course it could.

 

Armin stared, he felt more terrified then he ever had. He never exactly thought about this until now, the boy’s locker room. The boys were all prepping for physical ed. class, his blue eyes wandered around the room noting that everyone was changing into their gym gear.

 

Armin’s face flushed as his eyes grazed over muscled chests and the tall lanky bodies of his classmates. Wait, why was he getting so flustered over this? He tore his eyes away and sat down on a nearby bench that was unoccupied.

 

He swallowed nervously and hugged the gym uniform towards himself. He never thought his insecurities would get to their bursting point. From what he could see all the boys were, well, more defined then himself, well showing the signs of puberty. He felt so self-conscious. But he really needed a change yet his inadequacy held him back.

 

Terrified and paranoid he sat still. Every inch of his body was frozen to the spot tense with fear. His blue eyes focused downward to the floor, he could swear everyone was laughing and whispering crude things towards him or maybe that was just the paranoia talking. Why was his head such a swirling mess?

 

He let out a yelp of terror as he felt a hand tap his shoulder. His heart felt like it just leapt out of his chest and he felt tears fill his eyes. Quickly he tore his gaze from the floor and to the presence behind him, “…E-E-Eren…!”

 

The green eyes blinked at him, “Relax… Armin, I’m sorry I scared you.” He rubbed the back of his head, “So, uh, how are you?”

 

“I-I’m… well, thank you.” Armin stated almost sounding uncertain. He glanced at Eren seeing a toned chest, the pair of gym shorts hanging around his slim waist. Armin felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment and wanted to slink away knowing very well his entire face was beat red.

 

“Are you not feeling well? Did… someone bother you? If someone hurt you I’ll-“

 

“N-no! T-that’s not it…” Armin looked up at Eren, his body tensed again, “I’m sorry…”

 

“Why are you sorry? Anyways I thought maybe Jean or someone was picking on you.” Eren’s expression looked annoyed or maybe a bit angry.

 

Armin sighed, “No, I don’t even remember who he is exactly… A-anyways, we should change or we’ll be late…”

 

“Right…but if-“

 

Armin cut Eren off by rushing off towards where the bathroom was, Eren stood confused, “Weird… did I say something wrong?” Eren said softly before shrugging it off, pulled on his shirt and head towards the gymnasium.

 

Armin changed quickly in a bathroom stall, his self-esteem at an all-time low. His confidence wavered as he stared down at himself. Soft skin, no muscle definition, a soft pudgy stomach, and down to un-toned thighs that pressed gently together. He groaned inwardly, he never really thought negatively about his own body until now.

 

 _Am I ugly…?_ He wondered trialing a hand down his torso uncertain if he was even attractive. His family always stated at how cute he was, how adorable he was when he smiled. But maybe they had to be nice. It was his family after all. Although now he knew he’d never hear his mother’s kind and gentle praise she gave to him ever again.

 

But as for society standards how did people see him?

 

He felt confused and lost in a tornado of thought. Maybe he was ever so slightly chubby but it never really bothered him. Should it?

 

“Armin?”

 

Oh Eren!

 

Armin quickly pulled his gym uniform on and opened the stall door. He noticed the other boy leaning gently up against the wall. It was fairly obvious that he was waiting for him. His green eyes steadily staring towards the stall door. Armin slowly approached Eren he had the feeling of butterflies in his stomach at the sight of the other boy.

 

“You waited for me…?” The blonde questioned brushing some of his blonde hair behind an ear. “You really didn’t have-“

 

“Are you ok? The teacher asked me to get you.”

 

“O-oh…” He felt his face flush with embarrassment. _Of course he’s not waiting for you_. “I-I…”

 

_So much for making friends, he probably thinks I’m so pathetic. I mean I’m not confident nor am I very good making a first good impression so I think I’ve ruined that.  Plus I never realized just how different I really am, so obviously he can tell that. Or maybe he just thinks I’m a total weirdo._

 

The blondes mind rushed with whatever thoughts crossed his mind. He stared awkwardly down at his feet.

 

“Hey…” Eren tilted his head to look at the shorter boy who glanced up at him with timid blue eyes, “Are you ok…?”

 

“I-I’m just tired…” Armin blushed nervously, “I feel kind of sick.”

 

“Oh, do you need to go to the school nurse? Do you need to go home?” Eren approached the blonde closer. “We could just ditch class.”

 

“I-It’s the first day of school Eren, we can’t just leave…” Armin’s eyes widened, “W-we would get in trouble…we’d so get caught… I’ll be ok!”

 

He heard Eren chuckle. A hand reached and grabbed his wrist, “To class then.”  Armin felt a tug as Eren pulled him along behind him as they head to the gym.

 

“E-Eren… s-slow down…” The blonde blushed with embarrassment as they approached the rest of the students. “S-stop…”

 

All eyes peered at them as they approached. Armin stumbled slightly from being pulled at a quick pace he now knew all attention was now drawn to them. Eren then quickly released his grip from the blonde causing him to stumble clumsily to the hard floor.

 

A loud yelp escaped Armin’s lips causing him to wince in pain. He felt the tears sting his eyes as he fell back holding his right knee in pain. _Why,why,why?!_ Armin cursed at himself inwardly. _I really hope no one’s looking…_ He thought in repetition slowly cracking open one eye to see everyone staring down at him.

 

“Gee Eren, way to go…” One of the students commented.

 

“Shut up Jean!” Eren glared at the taller boy who had short light brown hair, Eren turned to look down at Armin who was being helped out by another student, “Mikasa… is he ok?”

 

She glanced at Armin then at Eren, her face stoic and emotionless, “He needs to go to the nurse.” She informed supporting Armin’s weight trying to keep him off his feet.

 

“What is going on here!?”

 

All eyes turned to who was more than likely their P.E. teacher. To Armin he looked terrifying, if it wasn’t for his sore knees he would definitely want to run and hide. Everyone in the class went quiet. It was as if everyone was holding their breath.

 

“Eren pushed the new kid down, Mr. Shadis.” Jean stated looking over glaring daggers at the green eyed boy. “Bullying really shouldn’t be tolerated sir.”

 

“I did n-!”

 

Eren started, in what seemed to be a hope at defending himself only to be quickly silenced by the gruff man, who Armin had yet to identify. “Enough! Stop that whining and all of you warm up!” The group of students instantly dispersed and proceeded to do warm up exercises. “Yeager, Kirstein, detention after school!”

 

Eren and Jean glared at each other. The tension between those two seemed intense just over something so small. Armin wasn’t quite sure the history the two boys had but it definitely seemed they detested each other.

 

“Ackerman, take…” He glanced down at his clip board and then up at the blonde boy, “Arlert here to the nurse’s office.”

 

_Geez these teachers take care in knowing their students…_

 

Armin flinched slightly from the throbbing pain in his knees as Mikasa helped him walk slowly out of the gym and she looked down at him sympathetically, “Sorry… Eren just goes a bit extreme sometimes… He means well… I hope you can forgive him.”

 

“I-It’s fine… It’s really not a big deal…” The blonde bit his lip, “…It wasn’t his fault. I’m just clumsy…” Armin muttered softly feeling slightly discouraged, his self-confidence continued to fade.

 

He heard a small sigh escape her lips, “I’ll have to talk to Eren later…”

 

“Are you two friends…?”

 

Mikasa shook her head slightly, “His family adopted me, you could say I’m…like his family.”

 

“Oh… and what about Jean… why does he act that way towards Eren…?” Armin asked gently his voice shy hoping he wasn’t being overly nosey.

 

“A long story…”

 

Armin knew it was best not to pry more. Mikasa seemed like the quiet type, he didn’t want to pressure her into telling a stranger like himself such a story. He kept his gaze to the floor watching his step as he limped putting his weight against her as they walked. She was relatively strong Armin noted as she effortlessly almost carried him down the hallway.

 

The two eventually made it to the nurse office. Slowly Mikasa pushed the door open and glanced around. “I think she’s out at the moment…”

 

Armin smiled gratefully as Mikasa helped him onto a nearby bed, “T-thank you… Mikasa was it…?”

 

She nodded with a small smile as she knelt down and observed his knees which were slightly scrapped and now showing signs of bruising. “You bruise easily…” She muttered softly. “You’ll have to be more carefull ok?”

 

Armin sighed, his eyes still glued to the floor. He jumped a bit startled as he felt coolness hit one of his knees, “W-what are you…?”

 

“I’m cleaning your scratches…” She muttered, “…Armin?”

 

He blinked looking at her quizzically, “Yes?”

 

“Please be nice to Eren, he… actually has a hard time making friends. I think… you’d be a good friend for him.” She started to bandage his knees as she spoke, “Don’t listen to the things Jean says...”

 

Armin wasn’t sure what to say to her. It somewhat caught him off guard, he felt so overwhelmed, enough that he wished he could just go home and hide away in his room. He felt anxious and stressed again, all these students, new classes, teachers, now his own self esteem was at an all-time low.

 

He did his best to mask the depression, in reality he just wanted to stay home. But above all he wishes he could see his mother and father. Go back to how things used to be. But he knew very well that life would never be the same again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Armin sat at the edge of the couch in the small living room of the apartment. He shoved the last bite of a frosted cupcake into his mouth; he crossed his legs and peered down at the book on his lap. As smart as he was a lot of the workload seemed a bit overwhelming, yet he made it his goal to get perfect marks. A month had already passed and gratefully he was getting used to going to public school.

 

He grabbed another cupcake and took a mouthful of sugary sweet. He couldn’t handle stress and the past month was horribly stressful although he was good at coming up with ways of coping. He had plenty of access to the downstairs bakery and sweets had definitely become his crutch.

 

His soft stomach gently pressed up against the waistband of his sweatpants and peeked out from the t-shirt. What was once almost a subtle soft stomach was now protruding slightly outward. He forced himself to be oblivious to the extra weight just so not to cause him more problems.

 

He sighed closing his text book and tossed it aside. He had finished his homework and even spent a bit of time prepping for any upcoming test or quiz. He was bored. His grandfather had enough help for the day so he wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself.

 

 _I wonder what Eren and Mikasa are doing…_ He thought with a long sigh.

 

Armin had become quite close to the two siblings in such a short time. They actually lived nearby and the two actually had come to visit him fairly often. Eren’s probably at Mikasa’s football practices, Armin was surprised at how strong the girl was. She rivaled the strength of all the boys on the team- or so Eren had told him.

 

Eren had spoken of very few interests except two things, the car he wanted when he turned sixteen and music. Eren was surprisingly talented with the guitar. Armin was lucky enough to hear him play once in the school music room although Eren seemed embarrassed when the blonde had heard him play so he thought it was best to not further make him feel uncomfortable.

 

Armin was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard a knock at the door, “Uh…J-just a second!” He called out as he scrambled towards the door. He pulled the door open and a smile enveloped his face, “Eren! Huh…where is Mikasa?”

 

“Oh…uh… I kinda bailed on her practice today…” He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, “I hope you don’t mind some company.”

 

The blonde blushed uncontrollably, “I-I don’t mind…come in!” He stood aside letting Eren walk inside and quickly made himself comfortable on the living room couch as he always did when he came over. “D-did you want anything? Food, drink?” Armin questioned as he subconsciously tugged down his shirt with insecurity.

 

“Eh? I’m fine Armin, don’t worry about me.”  Eren casually turned the television on and turned his head to look at the shy blonde boy, “Come, sit, and let’s watch something!”

 

Ok so maybe he had developed a little bit of a crush on Eren… He didn’t know what to think of it. Armin had never felt this way before and considering it was towards another boy he felt extremely awkward about it. Armin did not dare say a thing to anyone about it, he had enough things to deal with and he did not want to lose his new best friend because of some strange and confusing feeling.

 

Armin sat gingerly down on the couch keeping a safe distance between Eren. It was so awkward with just the two of them. His heart beat quickened, he felt anxious at the thought of how handsome Eren looked today. He wore a pair of dark denim jeans that were scuffed and ripped in areas, a form fitted t-shirt that had some band logo on it topped with a black hoodie which sat unzipped around his sides.

 

He felt severely insecure, he forced his gaze downward to his lap and his hands formed to fists. A small pout formed on his soft pink lips. I have no idea why someone like Eren is even friends with me… He felt a pang of hurt cross his body at the thought of rejection. He couldn’t help but feel attracted to the darker haired boy, his very presence sent Armin’s heart a flutter.

 

“Armin… what’s with the serious face?” Eren nudged closer to the blonde and tilted his head to look him in the eyes, “You’ve been really quiet lately… I mean this entire week it’s like you’ve had your head in the clouds, I’m worried.”

 

The blonde jumped slightly and shifted away from Eren slightly, “A-ah… D-don’t worry! I…I’m fine.” He stuttered fumbling nervously as he played with the bottom of his shirt. “Just… what would you do if you liked someone…?” He couldn’t believe he asked that and to his crush of all people.

 

Eren blinked a bit taken aback due to someone shy and timid like Armin had asked him something so personal. He sat back a bit and tapped his chin in thought, “Hmm…” He clicked his tongue and thought for a moment, “Well, if I was you I’d definitely tell that person!”

 

Armin kept his gaze away from Eren and sighed, “But… what if this person is way out of my league…and I mean leagues…”

 

“Armin… whoever it is you like … would be silly if they didn’t like you back. You’re really smart and kind…” Eren stated, “You just... need to be more confident!”

 

The blonde bit his lip and slowly turned to look up at Eren, “I…I…“ He stopped himself and forced a small smile, “Thanks Eren… So… um… want to order pizza for supper?” He was mentally slapping himself ten times over _. You are such an idiot Armin. You should just keep your big mouth shut…_

 

“Uh… sure…” Eren raised an eyebrow, “So, who do you like?”

 

“I-I can’t tell you! F-forget I said anything…” Armin’s cheeks flushed and he felt heat rise to his round cheeks.

 

“Awww… you’re no fun. It better not be my sister…” His expression changed to unimpressed as he responded to the blushing blonde.

 

Armin shook his head vigorously, “N-no of course not…! I could never like her that way…”

 

“Then who? Tell me! I am your friend after all, you can trust me.  Plus I might be able to help you.”

 

“I-It’s n-no one…!” Armin cried out feeling more and more embarrassed. “I can’t tell you. I-It’s a secret for now…”

 

Eren rolled his eyes, “Fine, fine… I’ll let you off the hook for now…”

 

Armin pushed some of his hair behind his ear and smiled gratefully at the other boy, “I’ll tell you someday… I promise.”

 

“Hey… I have a favor to ask you… you can say no if you want to but…”Eren’s expression looked serious, “I feel bad asking and I generally get Mikasa to help me but she’s been so busy lately. I kind of need help with a few of our classes. Unfortunately I’ve been falling behind a bit already and I was wondering if you wanted to tutor me… when you’re not busy of course.”

 

“Of course I’ll help you. I’d love to.” Armin almost felt excited. Spending time with Eren alone after school, he wanted to grin stupidly but he suppressed it the best he could.

 

“Alright… any time after school is fine with me… or weekends if that works better for you.”

 

“A-anytime…really… I’m usually not too busy. Well I do help my grandfather in the shop sometimes… but lately he’s telling me not to worry.” Armin shook his head, “He can be so stubborn.”

 

“He’s really nice though and his baking is the best, Mikasa says it’s hard to come here. Her weakness is the cinnamon raison cookies.” Eren chuckled slightly, “I’m not really a sweets person.”

 

“O-oh… really? I-I wish I was like you in that regard…” Blue eyes stared downward as his insecurities resurfaced.

 

Armin heard a small laugh escape Eren’s lips. “You like sweets… so what? It’s nothing to feel bad about.” He grabbed the last cupcake from the nearby plate that Armin had yet to finish, “Here, sweets for someone sweet.”

 

His face burned red with the blush that he swore covered his entire face, “E-Eren…” He squeaked out as Eren popped the cupcake into the blonde’s hand.

 

“Eh, you’ve been so kind to both me and Mikasa. We really value your friendship… I just hope you know that.” Eren leaned back and rested his feet up on the coffee table. “Oh hey, about that pizza… how about we go out. I’ll take you to my favorite place.”

 

Armin felt a smile form on his lips. _Is he asking me on a date…?! Well of course he isn’t but still._ “T-that sounds perfect. Do you want to go now?”

 

Eren shrugged, “Yeah, why not. Did you want to change?”

 

Armin glanced down at his attire curiously. Did he look bad…? “I guess…” He muttered softly. _I don’t really have much for fashion sense I guess. Eren seems so… trendy._ “I’ll be a few minutes ok?”

 

Eren nodded in response and Armin left for his room. I really want to impress him somehow… I have to find something really nice to wear. He sifted through his closet slowly pulling out a pair of light blue denim jeans, and well maybe his t-shirt he was wearing already was fine.

 

He felt slightly nervous as he pulled the denim jeans up over his legs and hesitated slightly as the clothing hit his hips. Armin bit his lower lip, gazed down nervously and then it hit him; yea they were too small. He tugged further on the jeans hoping it was just his imagination yet he did his best pull them up forcing the button closed across the soft middle of his waist.

 

“I guess I haven’t gone shopping for normal clothes since I needed to wear a uniform…” He muttered slightly pulling a hooded sweater over his head. “Not a big deal…” He waved the oncoming depression pursuing his mind and quickly changed his thoughts to the green eyed boy that waited out in his living room.

 

“I’m ready…” He looked over at Eren who now stood waiting for him by the front door. Armin looked at Eren who smiled slightly, his hands pushed into the pockets of his sweater. His crush on Eren just seemed to deepen in his mind and heart every time he simply looked at him.

 

 _Ok note to self- buy new clothes_. He felt not only uncomfortable but severely self-conscious in hopes that Eren didn’t find him unattractive or notice the tight attire. Maybe he could ask Eren to come shop with him sometime.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The two boys sat across from each other in the booth at the pizza diner that Eren had stated had the best pizza ever. Armin looked around. It was small but kind of rustic but had a pleasant atmosphere. The floor was red and black tiles, the booths were colored red as well and the tables were black. It wasn’t overly crowded but Eren seemed fairly familiar with the workers.

 

Eren looked at Armin whose eyes gazed around examining the interior of the shop; he couldn’t help but chuckle at Armin’s expression. “It’s awesome isn’t it?” Eren took a drink of water the cup that in front of him.

 

Armin’s wide blue eyes turned to look at Eren, “It’s like I went back in time, and I can see why you like this place…”

 

“Oh, our pizza,” Eren turned to smile at the waitress who dropped the large round dish in front of them. He thanked her and instantly grabbed for a piece, “You won’t regret this it’s awesome.”

 

Armin shyly grabbed for a piece and took a small bite. He didn’t even care if it was good or bad what mattered to him is that he was there with Eren. It was silly to say but it was a long time since he felt this happy.

 

“Awesome right?”

 

Armin nodded slightly as he took another bite.

 

“Hey…Armin.”

 

Blue eyes stared into green, “Mmm…yeah?”

 

“Have you ever just… wanted to run away from things? I mean… just escape from all the boring everyday life.”

 

“You want to leave?”

 

“Well, no…but yes… I dunno. My father and mother want me to study to become a doctor and well… I can’t be bothered… They kinda bombed this on me the other day and I’ve just been thinking. I want to travel… and study music…”

 

“R-really? Well…If that’s what you want then you should do what makes you happy. If your family loves you then they will understand. I mean I heard you playing your guitar the other day … you were really good.”

 

“You think so?” Eren tore at the pizza crust and smiled slightly.

 

“I do…” Armin blushed, “I think you’re amazing…”

 

Eren’s lips formed a wide smile, “Well, what about you? I’m sure you have your future completely planned.”

 

“N-not really… I-I’ve never actually thought about it… I don’t really have any kind of talent or special skills…or anything. I’ll probably help my grandfather when I finish school…”

 

“Eh… Someone as smart as you could do anything…” Eren stated his tone serious as he leaned against the table, “As I said before, confidence Armin, confidence.”

 

“… I don’t know about that…”

 

Armin heard Eren sigh, which caused him to be slightly guilty. He nibbled on the slice of pizza slowly hoping that the other boy was not mad with him. Now there was awkward silence and the nagging annoyance of the tight waistband of the jeans against the pudginess of his stomach.

 

A sudden noise shook the boys out of their silence only for Armin’s cheeks to flush clearly with embarrassment. He knew what had happened but did Eren, oh he hoped he didn’t. The blonde boy glanced down at the waistband of his jeans to see the now missing button.

 

 _No-…nononono…_ Armin tore himself away from the booth and ran for the door leaving Eren to scramble and shove some cash towards the counter before chasing after the blonde. _No, Eren… don’t follow me… he probably thinks I’m so disgusting now…_ He tugged the sweater down as far as he could frantically trying to hold his attire together without embarrassing himself further.

 

“Armin, wait!” Eren ran up to the fleeing blonde and grabbed his wrist gently only to have Armin shrug him off, “Why are you running off like this…?” Eren knew what had happened but he clearly did not want to cause the blonde any more distress.

 

Armin slowed but kept walking, his stare down to the ground as they walked trying to hide the tears, the embarrassment of his current situation, “I just want to go home…” He muttered softly his voice shaky enough that Eren could tell he was crying.

 

“Ok, so when we’re back will you at least talk to me?” Eren questioned only to get a small nod in response.

 

_Eren must be so disgusted right now… I thought eventually… maybe I could tell him how I felt. He’d laugh in my face if I did. I’m fat and he’s… perfect._

The boys made their way back to Armin’s apartment in silence. The blonde entered first swiftly retreating to his room slamming the door to his room shut. Eren followed behind him standing by the door, “Armin… it’s not a big deal you know.”

 

There was a short silence until he heard a soft voice, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Eren heard the door click open obviously an invitation to come in.

 

He pushed the door open gently and spotted that the blonde had sat down on his bed and clearly changed into his sweatpants. Eren walked slowly up to his friend and sat down next to him with a sigh, “Don’t be upset Armin, please, as I said it’s not a big deal.”

 

“I’m fat…” Armin muttered almost soft enough that Eren could almost not hear him. His cheeks were stained wet with tears and his blue eyes showed signs of shame.

 

“Tch… you’re not fat Armin.” Eren sounded angry, he did not expect that tone from the green eyed boy, “You’re actually pretty tiny Armin.”

 

“E-Eren… that’s not true…” Wide blue eyes shot up to look up at Eren, “My clothes….I...”

 

“Everyone has to shop for new clothes every now and then… “

 

“I-I know that… It was just really embarrassing ok?” Armin’s expression turned serious as his eyes pierced into Eren’s green ones, “Do… you think I’m ugly?”

 

Eren sighed and shook his head, “No… Armin, you really need to work on that self-esteem of yours.”

 

Armin took a deep breath, “I just….” He muttered in his usual soft tone, “Want you to like me…”

 

“I do like you Armin…”

 

 _He surely didn’t get what I meant… Eren can be so clueless sometimes…_ “… Never mind,” He sighed with frustration. “I’m so sorry, today was supposed to be fun but I just ruined it.” Armin looks away from Eren, his blonde hair falling casually in front of his face, he did want to cry again but couldn’t bear to do so in front of Eren for the millionth time today, ok so maybe he exaggerated a bit on the situation but who could blame him. He just full out embarrassed himself in front of not only his best friend, the only one whose opinion mattered.

 

Eren’s kind words confused the blonde boy. _How could he just say those things? How could he not find me revolting? He’s probably saying those things out of pity…_

“To be honest…” Armin broke out of his thoughts at the sound of Eren’s voice. He fumbled with the fabric of his shirt finding himself insecure in its persistence to hug his soft stomach while Eren spoke, “I had fun today. From all the drama that happened last year in my life I’m just grateful I made a new friend so I can put everything behind me.”

 

Blue eyes looked up at Eren quizzically, “Drama?”

 

“Ah, yeah…It’s kind of complicated. I wouldn’t want to bore you with the details. Besides its past me now…”

 

“Does… this have something to do with Jean…? I-I mean…sorry, I didn’t mean to speculate.”

 

Eren sighed, to Armin it almost sounded annoyed, “You’re right actually…”

 

“You two are … always fighting. I… just guessed. I apologize.”

 

“It’s ok Armin… you don’t need to apologize to me. I should apologize to you. I didn’t want to drag you into any of this.” Eren gave him an apologetic look before he continued to speak, “I… well… came out as being gay last year.”

 

Armin’s cheeks flushed and he felt somewhat happy knowing that one piece of information. But kept himself composed listening carefully as Eren spoke. “And Jean… didn’t react well to that?”

 

“Well… it’s kind of worse. In short Jean was the first out of everyone I told but after a few days almost everyone gradually seemed to act awkward to me. Then it got worse, I retaliated, got into fights. It was pretty much an everyday thing.” Eren lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, “I got in a really big fight with Jean at the end of the year. It was bad enough that he backed off a bit.”

 

“I’m sorry Eren…”

 

Eren chuckled slightly, “Armin it’s no big deal, it’s all in the past, besides… now that we hang out I’m just scared of you becoming a target just out of association.”

 

Armin bit his lower lip softly, “I’m glad you told me… but you don’t need to worry about me. No one has bothered me so far or said anything at least not to my knowledge.”

 

Eren sat up abruptly and grabbed Armin’s hand, “Hey, enough talking of my stupid past, I’m thirsty let’s get a drink.” Before Armin could respond Eren pulled the shorter boy up from the bed and towards the kitchen.

 

As usual Eren made himself at home and sifted through the drinks in the fridge. Armin stood near the kitchen table, his expression somewhat shy as he watched his friend, “Thank you… you’re so incredible Eren…” He whispered softly.

 

Eren popped only a soda can and looked at Armin, “Hm? Did you say something?”

 

“N-no… Just... uhm… uh… cake?” Armin held a plate outward to the other boy with a small smile.

 

Eren paused for a moment and eyed the blonde boy and a small smile appeared on his lips, “No, not hungry, but…” There were a few moments of silence and Armin felt like shrinking away because of the intimidating stare Eren was giving him. “You… U-uh...”

 

It wasn’t like Eren to not speak his mind. “Eren…?”

 

“Ok, grab a couple forks, we’ll share it…”

 

Armin felt Eren’s stare burn through him as he turned to get the utensils. Just when he felt a bit more relaxed from earlier events those green piercing eyes were making him feel a bit unnerved. _Why is he looking at me like that? Did I do something wrong…?_

The boys were comfortable against the plush material of the couch. Eren casually turned a movie on for them to enjoy, his eyes peering over at the innocent faced blonde who was now enjoying the sweetness of the cake.

 

Armin always offered Eren and Mikasa snacks when he was over, maybe it was his way of trying to be a nice friend to his guests or he just wanted to enjoy some without feeling insecure being the only indulging in the food. Eren would definitely have to admit that Armin had put on a fair bit weight, 10, 20 pounds maybe in the month he had known him.

 

Eren carefully observed the short frame of the blonde, from the rounded face, chubby stomach down to the wider hips and thighs. He felt his emotions waver in confusion as he found himself feeling attracted to the softer features Armin had recently acquired. But then he did feel a pang of guilt, he would often give Armin any sweets he got on his lunch tray at school and never discouraged his strange eating behavior. Eren let out a small breath and bit his lip, how could he say this without hurting his kind friends feelings. He knew the blonde was upset about the extra weight and didn’t want to see him upset again. He had to say something…

 

“Armin,” He started to say knowing no matter what he said would hurt his feelings. Blue eyes looked at him, “Well… you see… I think you… should watch what you eat.” He could see Armin’s expression change from a smile to a pout but Eren was quick to try and rectify what he said, “Well no… Armin I just don’t want you to get upset again.”

 

“But you said… I…” Armin’s thoughts were a clustered mess, normally he was a quick thinker and could easily analyze a situation but he had a harder time coming to terms with what Eren had just said, “So you do think I’m fat…?”

 

Eren took a deep breath, “N-no… that’s not it… I’m so sorry Armin. None of this is coming out the way I wanted it to.”

 

Armin stared down looking at the plate of partial eaten cake on his lap and stabbed at the pieces keeping his pout in tack as he pushed the pieces around, “I’m confused… I’m not sure what to do…”

 

“It’s fine Armin, forget I said anything, ok?”

 

Armin nodded slightly and pushed a small piece of cake into his mouth with the fork. He felt so nervous and uncertain of his emotions. Not only was he attracted to his best friend, a boy, but he was insecure about his own physical appearance which caused himself a lot of internal conflict. Damn teenage hormones.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Monday, that day of the week that most people dread, the new start of the school and work week causing everyone shuffle around like drones after the passing of the enjoyable weekend. Armin was miserable, his day started out in the worst way possible. The blonde tugged at the waistband of his school uniform slacks. There was no way he would be able to button them without having another embarrassing event occur.

 

With a sigh of frustration he had resorted to finding a comfortable pair of black sweat pants hoping, praying, that no one would notice since it would be against school policy. He didn’t care even if he did get in trouble it was better than the alternative. He pondered, thinking back to the weekend’s events of the possible binge eating he had done. When had he so impulsive…? It was like a switch turned on and he seemed to just eat everything in sight helping him settle his emotions.

 

Armin made his way to school feeling grateful that his grandfather drove him. He kept his eyes glued to the floor as he made his way to class shuffling his feet grudgingly.

 

“Good morning Armin.”

 

He glanced upward to see a familiar face. He gave a small smile, “Oh, Mikasa, good morning…” He responded, his voice soft almost in a whisper.

 

Her expression remained its normal stoic self as she spoke to the blonde boy, “Eren is home sick today.”

 

“Oh…” He paused and pouted slightly, “Is…he ok?”

 

Mikasa let out a long sigh, “He’ll be fine… I think he was playing up being sick so he could stay home. I checked on him before I left, he was… playing video games.”

 

“So he’s just faking sick to ditch school…” Armin’s response seemed somewhat annoyed in tone but he was glad that Eren was fine. “I guess I can’t blame him…”

 

The two friends separated once in the classroom as Mikasa went ahead towards her own seat.

 

Armin plopped down on his chair with a soft huff. He crossed his arms on the service of the wooden desk and lay his head down gently. His mind filled with thoughts of those green eyes, unruly dark brown hair and that cheeky smug look he would give to others, maybe to intimidate.

 

He bit his lower lip gently. The thoughts of Eren flooded his mind, he was definitely in love. How he wished he could tell the other boy he loved him. But that was impossible… He couldn’t, he wouldn’t…

 

“Arlert.”

 

Armin jolted up right in his chair and blinked in slight confusion. Oh crap, class has started… “Y-yes sir?” He stammered in response hearing some soft laughter coming from some of the other students causing him to flush with embarrassment.

 

“I suggest you pay attention,” Levi had that kind of stare that would make anyone feel intimidated, “Also if you plan on coming to my class wear the proper school attire, this is a warning, next time you won’t get off with a simple warning.”

 

Armin swallowed dryly and stared down at his desk, “Y-yes…” His cheeks burned, he didn’t think he could get any redder from the continued embarrassment.

 

Levi turned back to continue teaching the class, Armin was quick to pull his books out from his bag and follow the information his teacher was explaining. He felt a something tap against him slightly and he glanced down at the crumpled piece of paper next to his desk, he glanced over to see two boys nearby stifling their laughter while they went back to writing in a notebook.

 

Armin hesitated slightly but leaned down slightly and grabbed the paper from the floor. Slowly and carefully he peeled open paper so not to cause any unnecessary attention. His blue eyes scanned the paper which made the blonde’s eyes sting with tears. ‘Can’t fit into your uniform fat ass?’

 

He felt sick to his stomach and shoved the note into his bag quickly then stared down at his buttoned up shirt and noticed that the lower buttons puckered slightly with his stomach clearly poking out between each gap where it was too tight.

 

 _H-how did I not notice…?_ His hands curled into fists as he stared downward.

 

Armin felt an extreme guilt blanket over him but at the same time just wanted to simply binge on food just to forget all the problems and wash it away with sickly amounts of sweets. The desires to retreat to his room hide and eat as much as he could fill his thoughts fiercely.

 

He stared at the clock. As he watched he swore he could see it going backwards. All he wanted to do was go home and forget about everything and block today from his mind.

 

His body stayed stiff as class went on barely focusing on the current lecture which showed as he could hardly make out the words he was writing down in his notebook. Just when he thought he was slowly getting his grasp on life and his anxiety had lessened something always seemed to jump up and cause them to return like a painful jab to the heart.

 

His fingers fumbled with the pencil in hand as he nibbled softly on the wooden texture trying his best to ease the unbearable feelings. Breathe starting to quicken and uncomfortably panicked, suddenly he raised his arm in the air hoping to get his teachers attention as the need to just run out of the classroom became a necessity.

 

“Arlert, what is it?” Levi lowered the book on his hand and an irritated sigh escaped his lips, “It better be important.”

 

“…R-rest room, sir…” Armin almost pleaded just simply wanting to get away from the sneering boys that sat a few seats away from him. No one had ever really bullied or teased him but maybe that’s because Eren was always nearby and was just ever so slightly intimidating.

 

Just that small note hurt him so, the words, the snickering laughter behind him. What little self-esteem he had was crushed like an insect.

 

Pleading blue eyes looked at his teacher. “If you can’t wait five minutes for class to end then just go, Arlert.”

 

Armin grabbed his books and backpack knowing very well he wasn’t going to come back to class and bolted out of the classroom. He stopped at a nearby vending machine tossing money carelessly into it picking out various snacks from it and grabbing frantically while shoving each one into his backpack.

 

The school bell had chimed and the halls started to fill up with students, Armin really wanted personal space right now and it was becoming difficult to deal with his continuous anxiety. A place to hide _, I need a place to hide… Bathroom!_ Armin sped towards the nearby bathroom and felt himself hit against something or rather someone as he walked inside causing his backpack to skid to the floor books and snacks flying outward causing a small cry escape from the pouted lips of the blonde.

 

“I-I am so sorry!” Armin managed to squeak out a hand flew to his mouth in shock hoping he didn’t hurt anyone. His eyes glanced upward to feel dread, he paled and felt that sick feeling worsen in the pit of his stomach. It was Jean, the one Eren had picked fights with in the past, and he glanced behind the other boy to see a few others standing idly one with a cigarette in hand.

 

He did recall their names, Reiner and Bertolt; those two were as Armin assumed best friends and part of sports teams. They were slightly older than the rest of the class due to being expelled from school and having to repeat the grade. They were known for being caught smoking on school grounds and possibly more considering if he believed in the rumors.

 

“Hm? Oh you’re faggy Yeager’s boyfriend… ” Armin heard Jean spat out ending his words with a small laugh.

 

Armin glared at the taller boy and frowned, “Just leave Eren alone! He did nothing wrong to you… All he did was be honest with you! He was your friend you… homophobic jerk!” He did his best to hold his ground with words but he felt a strong hand push him back with force. Within a blink of an eye he was on the floor his body stung with the force of the impact.

 

“Oh? You want me to leave Eren alone? Do you want to take his place?” Jean pulled the blonde up by the collar of his shirt and roughly pushed him against the wall.

 

“Just leave Eren alone… He’s a nice person, unlike you.”

 

“I’d hold your tongue little boy.” Reiner muttered the cigarette hanging out a corner of his mouth. “That is unless you want to, as Jean said, take Eren’s place. Might be easier since I doubt you could fight back.” His eyes scanned the boy from head to foot causing Armin to feel more embarrassed knowing very well his soft stomach was currently protruding out from his shirt.

 

Armin did his best attempting to push Jean away from him attempting to push with his hands and kicking at his shins hoping to knock the boy off balance. “Let me go!” He shut his blue eyes tightly wincing slightly as he was re shoved up against the wall with more force knocking him off balance and back to the floor.

 

“Looks like our dear Armin here has decided to share his snacks with us too.” Beltolt laughed slightly grabbing one of the packaged snacks from the floor, “Not like he really needs it.” He added with another small laugh.

 

Armin pulled himself up again and bit his lower lip and took a few steps towards him, “L-leave my stuff alone!”

 

“Yeah, you’re getting fat Arlert,” Jean commented as he tugged at Armin’s shirt aggressively. “Tch, your uniform doesn’t even fit you and still you were going to make it worse? You want to be fat?”

 

Armin could feel the tears spilling from his eyes in not just sadness but frustration and anger as well, “I-I... you wouldn’t understand!” He blurted out his hands forming into fists.

 

Yet again he felt another push and his body thudded to the floor for the third time and felt as they kicked the mixed packages of salty and sugary snacks at him. “Eat them then, do it, or else.” Jean stated then pulled a phone from his pocket. “Then everyone can see fatty Armin Arlert in action.”

 

“S-stop! Don’t…! You… you are all cruel terrible people!” Armin looked up at them his eyes piercing with anger and tears.

 

“Oh stop trying to stand up for yourself using pointless words!” Jean spat pulling at the back of Armin’s hair, “Do it or we’ll do worse…”

 

“F…fine…” The blonde stuttered, flinching from the pain radiating from the back of his head where his hair was previously pulled.

 

After being released Armin’s blue eyes gazed downward and hesitantly grabbed for one of the chocolate bars opening it slowly knowing very well that Jean had the video on his phone focused directed on him. “Go on Arlert don’t be so shy, show us how you got so fat.”

 

It’s like everything was now going in slow motion, he had no choice but to go along with the cruelty of the three boys. To Armin it felt like forever for the torment to be over, every emotion ran through his body like shards of glass through the entirety of the event. His vision blurred with tears as he kept his stare away from the other boys who continued to throw crude and soured comments toward him, mostly coming from Jean who eventually pulled away his phone and backed up away from the shaken body of the blonde boy.

 

“Thanks for the fun today Arlert, was good entertainment. I’m sure that’s what everyone will think so when they see this…” Jean laughed as he tapped away at his phone which Armin assumed was sending it away to various people at the school.

 

He noted that Reiner and Beltolt were leaving the bathroom, Jean following after them leaving Armin alone. The boy leaned back up against the wall bringing his knees closer to his chest as he hugged them sobbing fiercely almost until the point of wanting to vomit.

 

His body peaked with the very anxiety that he was all too familiar with. He knew very well that the video of him was now spreading throughout the student body shaming him for his misunderstood impulsiveness. Armin wanted comfort but he wanted to be in the privacy of his roomwithout peering, or judging eyes.

 

His body shook as he let out shaken gasps trying to catch his breath in between the panic that previously took over his entire body. He heard the door open but he didn’t care, probably Jean again to torment him some more, or so he assumed so.

 

“Eh? Hey…are you alright?”

 

Armin felt a hand gently touch his shoulder as the new presence in the room knelt down next to him but the blonde being too distraught and shaken up quickly shoved the hand away. “G-go away…” Armin did his best to compose his voice but still faltered from the prior events.

 

“Armin… What happened? It’s me Marco… I’m from your class…” The voice was gentle and caring as he spoke which actually caused the blonde to calm his breathing.

 

“Marco…” Armin muttered slightly and looked up at the face of the boy which held a gentle caring expression.  He knew Marco by the fact that he was involved with student council and did his best around the school promoting and involving himself in club activities. He had dark short hair and his most distinguished features were the freckles that spread along his cheek bones.

 

“Did someone hurt you?”  His eyes noted the disheveled hair and clothing, “You can tell me…”

 

“No, it’s nothing…  I’m just having a bad day.” Armin wiped his face with his sleeve and glanced upward to see the concern growing in Marco’s dark eyes, “You don’t need to worry yourself over someone like me.”

 

“Someone like you…?” Marco held a quizzical look, “Don’t talk like that about yourself… You’re a smart person Armin you know it would be best to tell me what happened.”

 

“I can’t…” The tears started to flow again and the choked sobs made their way through the blonde’s body. “I don’t want to involve you in any of this.”

 

Marco let out a sigh and waited a few moments before he spoke again clearly in thought, “Ok, but look if you need to talk or if anyone gives you any trouble I’m here for you.”

 

Somewhere deep down Armin wanted to spill his guts and tell Marco everything but he knew that eventually that video would spread and he’s know everything anyways. Even the freckle faced boy would probably taunt and laugh at him or so Armin assumed everyone was going to.

 

“You’ll find out eventually anyways.” Armin pulled himself upward fixing his attire to the best of his ability. “Let’s just leave it at that…ok?”

 

Marco kept quiet feeling it would be best not to pressure the blonde boy to talk unless he was ready instead he went gathered up Armin’s books and put them carefully into his backpack before handing it to the solemn faced blonde who grabbed it and pulled it over his shoulder.

 

“I’m going home.”

 

A slow breath escaped Marco’s lips, “I’ll let the necessary faculty know... I’ll tell them you went home sick, ok?”

 

“Thank you…”  Blue eyes avoided Marco was Armin stared down at the floor, “See you later…” He muttered barely loud enough for the other boy to hear. Armin made haste to the closest exit of the building. He carefully did his best to avoid students hoping he could escape before the video went viral.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Armin stared at the wall through the darkness of his room. He chewed on a bite of the cookie he held in his hand and looked down, his body overcome with guilt as he seen the empty plate in front of him. He did feel a bit better though now that he was in the comfort of his own room.

 

A sudden knock at his door made him jump slightly, “Yes?” He questioned wondering who could be at his door and flicked the light on. He rushed over and opened it slightly, “Oh, grandpa… Is everything ok?”

 

“Oh, of course, of course… you’re friend Eren is here. He was knocking at the front door but you didn’t answer so he came down to ask me if you were home… are you feeling any better m’boy?”

 

“I’m better… S-sorry I didn’t hear… I was… doing some homework must have zoned out…” Armin replied gently as he smiled warding off any chance of causing his grandfather any worry. He then opened his door a bit further to see Eren eagerly waiting with s serious face. “Thanks for letting him in.”

 

“It’s no problem m’boy. Are you boy’s hungry? I’ll go make you some sandwiches… Sadly I don’t have time to make something decent for dinner I need to get back downstairs shortly.”  Armin’s grandfather gave the boy an apologetic look.

 

“It’s ok Grandpa… sandwiches sound fine. But you don’t have to… I don’t want to be a bother…”

 

A large hand ruffled the blonde’s hair, “Never a bother…” With that his grandfather retreated to the kitchen and Armin turned to look at Eren.

 

“Hey…” Armin bit his lower lip a bit nervous wondering if the video had now made its way to everyone in the entire school including to Eren’s cell. He wasn’t quite sure he wanted to know…

 

Eren took a few steps forward and approached the fair skinned boy, “Armin… are you ok? I’m gonna kill him… ” He placed a hand gently against the blonde’s left arm, “Did they hurt you?”

 

“So you saw it…?” Soft lips muttered, “Who sent it to you…?”

 

“Armin who the hell cares who sent it…! I want to know what happened?!” He looked the blonde over searching for any signs of physical abuse. “Tell me!”

 

“Eren stop! It’s fine… It’s too late to do anything about it anyways… It was my fault!”

 

Eren growled in frustration and paced in the room, “It’s not FINE and it’s not YOU’RE fault!” He paused trying to compose himself, “Look, Armin, you have to tell me what happened so I can fix this.”

 

“There’s nothing to fix, I can stand up for myself!”

 

“Armin that’s stupid! Don’t avoid this and tell me what happened!” Eren seethed out in aggravation.

 

Armin went quiet as he heard his grandfather approach the room, the boy turned and smiled as his grandfather entered.

 

“I brought sandwiches, snacks and juice for you boys. Are you here to study Eren?” He asked with a gentle smile.

 

Armin took the tray his grandfather held as Eren smiled slightly at the elderly man, “Thank you Mr. Arlert, well, yeah… you could say I’m here to study.”

 

“I see, I see. Well, I’ll let you boys get to work, if you need me I’ll be down in the store.” The man head towards the door with a smile before pulling it partially closed and headed down the hallway to the front door.

 

“Armin, sit. Talk,” Eren had slumped down in Armin’s desk chair and swerved it near the bed. “You can’t avoid this forever…”

 

“You don’t have to be nice to me. I know what you must think of me…” Armin muttered as he sat down on the bed placing the tray next to him, “I can’t help the way I am but if you want to ridicule me then go ahead. Everyone else will and probably already is.”

 

“How did any of that even happen Armin?”

 

“I… left class early… I…,” Armin bit his lip and flushed feeling embarrassed of his actions, “was hungry so I just went to the vending machine… I wanted to be alone… so I went to the bathroom and… that’s about it, you know the rest.”

 

“Did they target you because of me?”

 

“Not really… I hate that they bad mouthed you… I wanted them to leave you alone! I… I’d rather be a target then you…” His lips formed into frown, “I care about you…”

 

“Armin that’s stupid!” Eren leaned over in the chair, “I can defend myself…”

 

“You don’t think I can?” Armin shot back.

 

Eren sighed, “Of course you can… but please don’t involve yourself with them. You’re too smart and sweet to be involved with such things.”

 

“W-well…same goes for you!” The blonde crossed his arms in protest.

 

“You are so stubborn…”

 

“So are you…”

 

Eren shook his head and laughed slightly, “Alright… alright… so what are we going to do about this?”

 

Armin took a bite of the sandwich and looked at Eren quizzically, “About the video?”

 

“Well, yes… I’ll be there with you, I’ll defend you…”

 

“But the video is accurate,” The blonde muttered with a shrug.

 

“The video is bullshit!” Eren pulled the chair closer and grabbed the blonde’s hand, “They had no right to do what they did!”

 

“Eren… I’m sorry, I just wanted to help,” Blue eyes stared into Green, “I only wanted to help…that’s all!” The tears started to spill when Eren was quick to pull the blonde into a hug.

 

“Armin, who cares what idiots like them think, it’s not worth your time worrying about it,” Eren spoke softly in the others ear, “You’re fine just the way you are…don’t let some meat head jocks tell you otherwise.”

 

Armin crumbled into soft sobs gripping the back of Eren’s shirt with his hands, “I like you a lot Eren…”

 

“Armin…” Eren sighed deeply, “I’m sorry, I wish I had been there today… none of this would have happened to you.”

 

Deep down Armin didn’t know what to do, his emotions and actions felt out of his control. He didn’t know what to think of the extra weight, he hated what had happened to him, and now maybe he was starting to hate everything about himself. Wishing that he was stronger, confident, attractive and social, but every binge eating session was bliss, an escape from reality yet ended with a pang of guilt and shame.

 

For someone who was told to be so smart, right now he never felt more clueless and stupid… None of his feelings were starting to make any sense…

 

* * *

 

 

 

More notes: I write kinda slow... So I'll do my best to update this as frequently as I can. Pretty please be patient with me! I appreciate any feedback! More characters will be involved with the story also!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm sorry about the wait. As I stated I am kinda slow at writing and I unfortunately changed my mind about some of my story plot. But I hope it's good. I want to get a bit more in depth with the characters and their teenage emotions. I do make Armin a bit more awkward considering his past and current situation. I did jump around in the course of the timeline to progress some things. But enough of my rambling, enjoy read... comments and kudos are very much appreciated (Thank you for those that have!)!

_Warmth…_

 

Armin shifted slightly his body curled up gently against something comforting. His eyes slowly fluttered open looking at a familiar face of his best friend. Slowly he rose his hand and traced his fingertips across the strong features taking in what Armin felt was the most beautiful thing in the world.

 

_We must have fallen asleep…_

 

Carefully the blonde sat up observing Eren’s sleeping form almost feeling mesmerized by how incredible he looked, the way his body softly raised and fell with each breathe, the cute way he hugged the pillow, everything to Armin was absolutely perfect.

 

Suddenly dread and panic seeped throughout Armin’s core and memories of what had transpired at school brought the boy back into his shell of discomfort. His body shook slightly with labored panic breathes in thought of having to return to school, his mind going over every possible scenario that could happen.

 

He gingerly got up from the comfort of the bed and tiptoed across the floor as he headed towards the kitchen. Slightly shaken still from his nerves he reached and grabbed for food hoping for it to shake the fear that overtook him. He stood in front of the fridge biting his lower lip, the light illuminating over his pale skin and after much decision settling down at the table with ice cream and chocolate macadamia cookies with only the outside street light dimly shining through a window.

 

Armin’s composure settled as he indulged in the coolness of the creamy substance. All the thoughts of fear, stress and self-doubt left his entire body and mind. He didn’t know what else to do and all he knew is what made him feel better, rational thinking only seemed to make him feel worse. Desperately wishing he could just go back and keep his parents safe. What he wouldn’t do to hear his mother’s sweet voice and his father’s kind encouraging words.

 

“Armin…?”

 

The blonde almost jumped from his chair hearing the groggy yet low voice from behind him. Armin squinted through the darkness and let out a sigh of relief, “Eren… I’m sorry, did I wake you…?”

 

Eren approached yet Armin couldn’t recall when Eren had stripped of his jeans now clad in his t-shirt and boxers, his hair disheveled from sleep, “Nah…had to piss and I noticed you weren’t there…so yeah, you ok?”

 

Armin casually dipped his spoon back in the container of ice cream and sighed, “I guess… yeah. I couldn’t get back to sleep so I just…got up.”

 

Eren grabbed himself a glass of water and sat down next to his friend, “Something bothering you?”

 

Eren’s green eyes even stood out in the dark making Armin smile, he loved those eyes, “When did… I fall asleep?”

 

“Hm, well, we were watching a movie on your laptop and you fell asleep pretty early in and you kind of latched onto me…” He laughed a little at that remark, “I didn’t have the heart to wake you. I hope you don’t mind that I stayed. I can go back and sleep on the couch I don’t want to take over your bed like that.”

 

“N-no, I don’t mind... Y-you’re welcome to use my bed.” Oh how he was glad that it was dark knowing he was probably blushing from head to toe, “I was just… getting my mind distracted from some things. You can go back to sleep.”

 

“What kind of things?” Eren questioned his eyes centered on the pretty blonde.

 

“W-well… I-I don’t really want to talk about it right now.” Armin didn’t want to keep dragging Eren further into his problems.

 

Eren pulled his chair closer to Armin and grabbed the spoon that sat in the container and pushed it around, “Well,” he started to say carefully planning what to say next, “Then we shouldn’t, nothing else matters right now Armin. Only us, right here and now.” He pulled the spoon from the container and pushed it towards the blondes face. “So if ice cream helps you feel better then have as much as you want.”

 

Armin felt a smile form on his face, this is exactly why he fell in love with him, he always made him smile no matter how rotten and sour things went. He parted his lips slightly and leaned in towards the spoon taking in the sweet, smooth texture into his mouth.

 

There was something about Eren spoon feeding him that almost felt…intimate. It continued in near silence both boys sneaking glances towards one another neither really showing any shyness or awkwardness. It was almost like they were entranced by one another, nothing else existed.

 

Armin felt like he was in bliss, Eren made him feel so comfortable and safe. Yet it was only for him, all of this for him. Eren wasn’t the type to get along with other people yet with Armin it was completely different. What was usually irrational and aggressive was gone and only kindness and care treating him almost like a doll.

 

“Armin, do you enjoy this…?”  Eren questioned as he held out another spoonful to the other boy.

 

Armin felt himself blush even harder than he had been, “I…I… do” Clearly flustered he still accepted the offer of ice cream and noticed a smile form on Eren’s face. “I feel…embarrassed…” He added in a soft whisper.

 

“Don’t… you’re so beautiful…” Eren brushed a few strands of hair behind the blonde’s ear then placing it against the round cheek, “I love you Armin…” Armin closed his eyes and felt Eren’s lips brush across his own even for a mere moment briefly.

 

‘Armin…’

 

_Hmmm…?_

 

‘Armin, wake up…’

 

_Eh? What’s going on…?_

 

Armin shot his eyes open and sat up on the chair and blinked clearly startled then looked up at Grandfather who was clearly calling his name shaking his shoulder slightly to wake him. _He felt his heart sink. It was just a dream…_ Well Eren being there was just a dream. Pale cheeks flushed staring down at the empty ice cream container with guilt.

 

“I’m so sorry… I don’t remember coming out here… Did… Eren leave…?”

 

“He went out a few moments ago since he didn’t have his uniform he went home to get ready for school. I suggest you do the same m’boy or you’ll be late.” He felt his grandfather pat the top of his head then slowly went about the kitchen to make breakfast.

 

“I… well… t-that’s the thing… I…” The thoughts of having to put on his uniform caused his stomach to knot in dread, “I-I kind of need to… get a new one ordered…or maybe they have extra sizes available at school. I-um… I’m not sure.” Armin’s voice was soft and insecure with each word he spoke unsure of what his grandfather would respond to him.

 

“Hm?” His Grandfather turned to look at the boy as he finished pouring himself a cup of tea, “Is that so…? Well, get an order form and we’ll get you some new ones. In the meantime be sure to let your principal and teachers know your waiting on new sizes. Don’t want you getting in trouble now.”

 

That wasn’t as painful as he thought, his nerves settled gradually and he retreated to his room. Armin gnawed roughly on his lower lip as he started to change into his uniform or rather struggled. A subtle pout crossed the blondes pink lips as he slowly fastened each button and forced the button on the dress pants closed. Lastly he shrugged his blazer over his arms and took a quick look in the mirror.  He really didn’t want to be called out for not following school attire in front of everyone again although that was the least of his worries.

 

The memories of yesterday’s events flooded is entire mind, he shut his eyes tightly and took a deep shaky breath. By now everyone had more or less seen the video or at the least heard about it or so he thought so. How was he going to show his face? Maybe he was being too hopeful that everyone had forgotten or paid no attention to it…

 

The walk to school felt painful, he was tired, more so than usual. Physical activities were never his strong point but every time he had to walk to school seemed to nag at his aching legs and feet. Yet somehow today seemed extra painful and the overly tight pants were not helping as they dug painfully into his hips and thighs.

 

Armin stopped abruptly hesitating as he approached the school, his body felt numb, tired and shaken. Anxiety flared up in the pit of his stomach and he swallowed dryly. _I can’t… I can’t. I can’t do this. I thought I could but I can’t._ He swallowed dryly and took a few steps back only to feel himself bump into someone behind him.

 

He turned and stared wide eyed at the tall form behind him. “B- Beltolt…” He felt himself go stiff as he looked up their eyes locking but Armin quickly looked away wishing he could just disappear. There was only silence as the taller boy simply tilted his head.

 

Armin took in a deep breath and did his best to insure he kept his composure, “Sorry, did you want something?”

 

Beltolt rubbed the back of his head and formed his lips to speak but hesitated for a moment almost like he was looking for the right words. Armin could even see a slight bit of guilt cross over Beltolt’s green eyes, “…Beltolt?”

 

“Uhm… I’m sorry, y’know… about the other day.” He finally managed to get out stuffing his hands into his pant pockets, “Reiner and I… we’re both sorry, we didn’t mean for you to get hurt or anything. Reiner was having a bad day. He didn’t mean to take it out on you or anything.”

 

Armin’s blue eyes observed Beltolt expression looking for any form of deceit only to find none, “It was… mostly Jean anyways.”

 

“Yeah… so see you later.”

 

 _He apologized…_ Armin thought and a sigh of relief crept out of his body taking away its rigidness.  _He doesn’t seem like a bad guy…_   

 

The hallways were crowded and each person he passed made him feel more and more insecure. Some people stared, some laughed, and there were even a few crude comments although he did his best to block it out.

 

Where was Eren when he needed him…?

 

* * *

 

 

Morning classes went by fast, they had a test which Armin admitted he forgot about due to all the drama he had dealt with the previous day but it caught him somewhat off guard. He really hoped he did well since he prided himself in having perfect marks.

 

It was lunch time and he found himself slumped down in his chair picking at the crust of his sandwich his eyes stared intensely downward almost as if he could burn a hole through the table. He couldn’t eat right now, feeling like all eyes were on him and judging him for simply taking one bite of the sandwich in front of him.

 

His blue eyes looked up and locked on Eren who sat at a table across the room chatting idly with a group of students. Mikasa was of course with him sitting across from him yet her attention turned to the shorter yet stern looking blonde girl, Annie, he recalled her name. He continued to observe the rest of the students at the table, Krista, as Armin had recalled hearing everyone call her ‘the prettiest girl in school’ but that she was unavailable due to the other girl that possessively sat next to her, Ymir whose arm draped over Krista’s small shoulder.

 

A pout crossed Armin’s lips and his heart ached with jealousy. He barely got to talk to Eren today only a simple greeting before class and he was completely ignoring him now. Was Eren avoiding him or was he embarrassed to be seen around him after what happened?

 

Why did everything have to suck? It’s like all he could hear was whispers and taunts from the people around him. ‘Fat’, ‘Disgusting’, ‘Ugly’. All those words ran through his mind like a possessive haunting whisper. His breathing was unsteady and he pushed up from the chair and blindly rushed out of the cafeteria and down the quietness of the hallway.

 

Armin pushed through and exited through the door to the school feeling the cool autumn air hit his body. It was pleasant so it somewhat calmed his shaken form yet then he felt his eyes sting and a warm tears spilled down his cheeks. Blue eyes stared up looking at the dark looming clouds that spread over the sky and slowly felt wet drops of water fall from the sky and he quickly recoiled backward to hide under the eaves of the building.

 

“Armin.”

 

The blonde turned quickly looking at the partially opened door, “Eren...”

 

“I saw you leave… Just making sure you were ok.” Eren made his way over to the blonde and shoved his hands into his jacket pockets.

 

“Oh… I’m fine, don’t worry about me.” A small yet forced smile crossed Armin’s face.

 

There was an awkward silence between the two as they both watched the rain pour from the sky, “It’s been raining a lot lately…” Eren sighed slightly, “I like it though…”

 

“Sorry, about yesterday I mean…and… I’d understand if you didn’t want to be around me anymore. I just want you to know that I understand… if you didn’t want to be friends anymore.”

 

“Huh? What are you going on about?”

 

Armin tugged at the sleeve of his jacket and pouted softly, “I… just thought you… might be avoiding me.”

 

Eren gave his friend a confused look, “Avoiding… you? Was I?” A frown formed on his face as he spoke noticing Armin’s current discomfort, “I’m sorry… I guess I didn’t realize…”

 

“You… and Mikasa didn’t sit with me at lunch. I just assumed you were embarrassed to be seen with me that’s all.” Armin’s gaze downcast enough that his hair covered his face feeling awkward about the ongoing conversation as he nearly whispered his words.

 

“Oh. OH. Uh… I didn’t tell you… Well, see I’m trying to get a band together. Krista is the craziest little drummer I’ve ever seen and Ymir insists she can play Bass and we were trying to get Annie to sing for us. You wouldn’t guess by looking at her but she has a really good singing voice. Also I think Mikasa has a thing for Annie but please don’t tell her I told you.” Eren spoke in response with a hint of excitement the grin plastered on his face that Armin loved.

 

“I see,” Armin felt relief wash over him, he loved Eren and the thought of losing him in any way terrified him, “That sounds fun…”

 

Eren leaned up against the building, “You can come watch us practice if you want.”

 

“I-If that’s ok…?” Armin couldn’t help but smile at the other boy seeing his face glowing with excitement, “I wouldn’t be in the way?”

 

“Nah, but… I have a favor to ask.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“My mom and dad will assume I’m studying with you… you’ll cover me if they ask right. I dunno why they are so dead set against me trying to study music…” A sigh escaped Eren’s lips and he stared off into the distance.

 

“Oh… well, yes. I don’t mind…”

 

“Also…”

 

Eren’s voice trailed off as if he went deep in thought almost like he wasn’t sure on sharing what was on his mind. His lower lip pulled in as he slowly gnawed at it. Armin took a few steps towards the green eyed boy leaning up against the wall next to him. “… Also?”

 

“I feel kinda stupid… saying these things.” If Armin didn’t know any better he could of sworn Eren looked a bit sheepish which was a rarity for him. “But… I well, kind of, sort of, have a crush on someone…”

 

As Eren spoke the words Armin felt his heart crumble, he stared down to the ground and in some small desperate way wishing that he was the one that Eren had fallen for but knew very well that no one in their right mind would ever fall for him or that’s what he would constantly tell himself, “R-really…? Y-you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to…”

 

“Don’t hate me… I mean… This was kind of out of nowhere and I had no idea that he was into guys but after talking to Annie I might just take a chance…” Eren’s tone seemed to continue to be less confident than normal, “… So you probably don’t know but Annie and Reiner are step siblings and from what Annie told me that Reiner was … well into guys… and yeah…”

 

“But… wasn’t he one of the people who bullied you about being gay… or was that Jean only?” Hearing Reiner’s name and the bitterness of what had happened in the bathroom the other day made the conversation sting a little but then again thinking back now it was Jean who tormented him specifically.

 

“No… well it’s stupid see… Jean changed when he got to high school went all crazy and tried to act like this big shot… he started hanging around Reiner and Beltolt. They really don’t want anything to do with him but Reiner says he’s like this lost pathetic puppy sometimes… So what do you think? Should I go for it?” Eren was really good at rambling but again that was something Armin loved dearly about his friend.

 

It was like his heart crushed; too shy to admit his feelings and it was killing him. Armin took a deep breath and did his best to keep composed. He smiled the best of his ability and looked up at Eren, “If you like him then go for it! He’d be an idiot to say no.”

 

“You’re the best Armin… you always say the right things.” Eren returned the smile and wrapped an arm playfully around the blonde’s shoulder in a partial hug. “Today just keeps getting better.”

 

The rain continued to fall as the boys returned to the school, Armin shuffled his feet down the hallway keeping his stare to the floor as they made their way back to class. Eren had this grin on his face that in some way made Armin feel happy for him but at the same time felt angry, sad and frustrated. He was. To his dismay, a hundred percent in love with Eren Yaeger and there was no way in this lifetime he could ever work up the courage to tell him.

 

He wanted to scream, yell, and cry all at once. His body over flowing with teenage hormones and confusing emotions, it tore at him slowly causing his anxiety to fester up deep inside. He couldn’t even force a smile if he tried. He hated himself, he hated who he was and knowing that there was nothing he could do to change that made everything worse.

 

The thought of going home and binge eating his emotions away overtook him and time just seemed to creep as usual and the class lectures seemed like they just muffled in his ear and his focus lost somewhere deep in his thoughts. He didn’t care and slowly things seemed to matter less and less. The life in those big blue eyes was starting to slowly dull and fade and his excitement for the world flickered away with it.

 

Yet no one seemed to notice. Did anyone care?

 

 

* * *

 

 

“E-Eren… n-no… s-stop!”

 

“Armin, if you would have told me it was your birthday you wouldn’t be in this predicament now just come on.”

 

“But-,” Armin bit his lower lip gently and struggled as Eren tugged him through the crowded shopping mall, “I-It’s not a big deal…r-really… b-besides didn’t you have a date tonight?”

 

Eren stopped letting his blonde companion catch his breath. He sighed in annoyance at Armin’s constant protests, “Armin, it’s your sixteenth birthday… what kind of friend would I be if I ignored your birthday?” Eren crossed his arms and smiled at the flushed boy. “It’s pretty bad when I have to find out it’s your birthday from Mikasa…”

 

“W-well… she asked one day when my birthday was… I-I just didn’t think she’d remember. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of something not really important. It’s just a birthday…”

 

Eren rolled his eyes, “Psh, I’m getting you something. Now stop arguing with me and accept a gift from your best friend.” He paused for a moment to look around at the various stores, “Now what would you like?”

 

Armin stared down at his feet bashfully, “I-I really don’t care… I don’t want you to waste your money on someone like me…”  Tugged down at his left sleeve, he felt nervous and insecure around the crowds of people, “I don’t really need anything…”

 

“Armin,” Eren took a hand to the blondes chin and tilted it up right looking into large blue eyes and pink tinted cheeks, “You’re too kind, indulge yourself for once. Maybe get rid of this ratty sweater for one that fits a bit better?”

 

“I… I guess… I-is it that bad…?” Armin withdrew back slightly and gazed down at himself, “T-this is a bad idea Eren. Can we go?”

 

“Armin…C’mon,” Eren grabbed and tugged on Armin’s wrist again pulling him along behind him and towards a store, “This is one of my favorite stores. You might find something you like.”

 

Armin simply let out a surprised gasp as he felt his body forcibly tugged forward. Over the past weeks his self-esteem had hit rock bottom and being around other people unnerved him. In school he found himself hiding out during lunch or breaks either spending his time in the library or sitting in the classroom quietly to read.

 

Shyly he gazed around with obvious insecurity. Clearly he had no idea what to look at so he simply followed Eren around. The style of clothes was more of an alternative style one that Eren would go for. He would casually hear a low hum escape Eren’s lips as he browsed.

 

Eren grabbed various pieces of clothing and turned to the pretty faced blonde, “Try these,” Armin grabbed the stack of clothing that was nearly shoved in his face, “What else…” He heard Eren mutter turning back to sift through the clothing racks.

 

“E-Eren… really… I really don’t think this is a good idea… plus these are expensive…” Armin insisted trying to stop the additional clothes being piled into his arms, “I-I think this is enough.”

 

“Oh…ah, I suppose so… sorry Armin, I kind of went overboard huh?” A sheepish grin crossed Eren’s face, “Ah anyway, come, changing room…”

 

Armin felt Eren tug him along almost blindly as the blondes blue eyes peaked around the stack of clothes hoping not to hit into anything, “You really don’t have to do this Eren, I-.”

 

“Enough of that Armin… now go in…”

 

Armin yelped slightly after being pushed lightly into the change room. He gnawed roughly on his bottom lip as he placed the clothes down and locked the door. Was this really happening? He had a sick feeling in his stomach. Lately he hated how clothes felt on his body, uncomfortable and snug in places. Blue eyes glanced at the mirror in the small room, he hated that reflection. He felt like a monster, ugly and unattractive. He hated, HATED, **HATED** himself.

 

With a sigh he turned to face away from the mirror and started to change. He tugged the jeans up over his chubby waist line; well at least Eren was good at guessing what size he was. He sighed and pouted even still as the jeans pressed up against the softness of his stomach. After afew moments of obsessing, tugging and pulling trying to get the jeans to fit comfortably he gave up and pulled on one of the t-shirts. Wait, this was a girl’s t-shirt…

 

Armin felt his face burn in embarrassment unsure of if Eren had made a mistake or not. Slowly he sifted through the rest of them only to find that yes they were all fitted for girls.

 

Why? Was Eren teasing him? Mocking him in some way? Was he going to torment him somehow? He started to panic and turned to the mirror, his soft features accented by the shirt. Now that he thought about it the jeans were also for girls.

 

Not knowing what to do he had to question Eren, his friend wouldn’t hurt him like this would he? He opened the door and poked his head out slightly, “Eren… t-these are for girls…”

 

Eren turned and looked in Armin’s direction, “Oh yea, I know,” Eren stated causing his blonde companion to retreat back into the room, “But wait… only because I thought it would look better on you. Not like there’s always a big difference sometimes. Depends on where you shop. Come on Armin I want to see.”

 

“Y-you’ll just laugh…”

 

“No, I’m your friend Armin not some jock jerk asshole like Jean. You should know me better than that… Now show me.”

 

Armin swallowed dryly, he trusted Eren, slowly he took a step out and Eren stayed quiet, “Ugly, I know. I told you this was a bad idea,” His blue eyes afraid to make contact with Eren’s green ones as he stood awkwardly just outside the change room door.

 

“It looks nice Armin.” Eren observed the shorter boy, “Hm, I’ll help you…” He pulled the nervous boy into the change room and Armin blushed brightly feeling his heart beat quicken. Eren was going to be in here with him while he changed? “Here.” Eren held up 2 pieces of clothing, “Put these ones on.”

 

“O…Ok…c-can you turn around…?” Armin squeaked out face obviously flushed.

 

“Yeah, yeah…”

 

Eren turned and Armin changed. He strangely liked the shirt. It wasn’t overly feminine and he liked the style. A blue and black plaid button up shirt, the sleeves went to the elbows and it hung looser over his chubby body and the length stopping mid-thigh. Then next was a pair of black leggings that fit comfortably making a small smile appear on his face.

 

“I like this…” Armin stated in a soft yet confirmed whisper.

 

Eren turned and looked the blonde over, “Ah, perfect!”

 

“I want this!” Armin’s blush still tinting his cheeks, “I-I mean…if that’s ok.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Admittedly Armin would just rather have a good book or simply just be equally happy with a birthday card. He was never really into clothing but he really liked this and what made it better was that Eren picked it out. Damn this never ending crush…

 

“Thank you…” Armin whispered softly.

 

“Whatever, it’s your birthday.” Eren shrugged slightly, “Besides I’d be one shit friend if I ignored it.” His green eyes gazed down at his phone and Armin heard a sigh escape his friend’s lips. Eren was one to take things so serious when he was interested but when he wasn’t he just seemed annoyed or distant. “So Mikasa has something for you. You ok with coming over?”

 

“She has something for me? I don’t mind coming over if it’s ok with your parents.” Armin’s responded continuing to observe the outfit he wore then glanced at the price tag, “Um, Eren, this is way too expensive…”

 

“Eh? Oh whatever,” Eren flashed a credit card and shrugged slightly, “So, Reiner is having a party at his place this weekend… you should come.”

 

“I really don’t think I should…”

 

Eren shook his head, “Yes you should… having fun once and a while won’t kill you. Besides me and Mikasa are going, It’ll be fun!”

 

Armin let out a shaky sigh feeling a nerves build up in him like a knot, “I’ll think about it…” The thought of all those people, he knew they’d tease him, call him horrible things, everyone would see how ugly and fat he was… then maybe Eren and Mikasa would see it. His two closest friends would realize how pathetic he was.

 

“Hey, Armin, you in there?”

 

Blue eyes blinked knocking him out of his thoughts as Eren’s voice pulled his attention back to reality.

 

“I..Y-yes, sorry.”

 

“Ah, we should go… here…” Eren snapped the price tags off the clothing, “I’ll go pay for them so you can just wear it out. It looks nice on you.”

 

Armin could not contain his blush that once again grazed over his cheeks, “T-thank you again.”

 

Eren left the change room and Armin turned to gather his things. His nerves had yet to settle, he let out a deep breath in hopes of settling down. A party… more than likely would be crowded, noisy and filled with most of the student population. He really wanted to go since Eren asked him to but deep down he didn’t want to be a part of it.

 

He couldn’t go, he wouldn’t _… I have to come up with a really good excuse…_ Armin chewed at the tip of his fingernail anxiously. Armin took one last look in the mirror and felt that one last small bit of self-esteem slip away. Now convinced he was hideous and so no one would ever want to be with him and that Eren was officially lying.

 

 _I can’t believe I let this happen… I have no control… What do I do? There’s nothing I can do…_ Armin shut his eyes tightly and felt his breathing speed up, _I can’t focus… I hate myself. I hate myself. I’m so stupid. I’m not this intelligent person everyone thinks I am…_

 

Tears stung Armin’s eyes as he leaned up against the change room wall and slowly slid down to the floor. He hurt all over as he tensed his body trying his best to hold back the tears and the sobs that tried to accompany them. _This is what I am and what I will always be… worthless, fat and stupid…_ He dropped his belongings and ran is hands through his hair, pulling his knees closer to himself. _I want to be alone… I want to go home.  I can’t deal with this anymore…these thoughts… help me…_

“Hey Arm…in…” Eren stopped at the doorway of the small room and looked down at the round faced boy, “You…ok?”

 

Armin broke, his body shook and the tears ran freely down his face as he incoherently tried to mumble words under each sob that broke through his lips. He fiercely rubbed his eyes with the backs of his hands trying his best to wipe away the tears he felt so shameful about.

 

“Hey…hey…Armin… calm down…” Eren knelt down closely to the trembling blonde and he quickly pulled his pudgy friend in for a hug, “What happened? Are you hurt?”

 

“I…go…please…s-sorry…”

 

Armin was now a shaking sobbing mess. Tears spilling out over his cheeks and down on Eren’s shoulder as the hug persisted. “Did I do something…? If I did I’m sorry.”

 

Armin shook his head and pulled away from Eren doing his best to calm himself, “It’s not anything you did…” It took a few moments but slowly Armin calmed his body. The tears slowly stopped and his breathing returned to normal. “It’s fine. I’m fine. It was just something on my mind. Please don’t worry yourself over someone like me.”

 

“Come on Armin don’t give me that kind of bullshit response. No one just has some kind of panic attack like that out of nowhere. You can trust me…” Eren insisted with a slight twinge of annoyance.

 

 _Can I trust him? Can I really trust him? No, no, no… you can’t trust anyone… he’ll only lie to you. Betray you._ Armin’s eyes gazed over at the mirror again. _Ugly._ He repeated over and over in his head. _I hate…my face… ugly round cheeks. Terrible shaped nose…_ Gazing down further, everything soft, puffy… arms, chest. Then down to his waist and legs where he carried the most of his extra weight. _More curves then a boy should have…_

 

“Hey…” Eren pulled Armin out of his stare on the mirror, “Talk to me.”

 

Armin shook his head slightly, “I can’t. Not now… not here. Can we go?”

 

Eren slowly stood up helping Armin up at the same time. “Here let me put your other clothes in my backpack ok?” Seeing a small nod from the blonde Eren quickly stuffed the clothes into his backpack. “Let’s get out of here.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Happy Birthday Armin!”

 

Eren’s mom Carla smiled happily at the trio she had ushered to sit around the table. Armin adored her, in some way she reminded him of his own mom, sweet and caring with a gentle yet over protective nature.

 

“T-thank you Carla…” Armin smiled curiously as she approached the table.

 

His eyes widened as he seen a beautifully decorated cake. “Well, Mikasa and I went over to your grandfather’s shop and we all pitched in and made a special cake for you. We hoped your grandfather would join us but he had to stay with the shop today.”

 

“Oh…yeah he told me he would be busy today and we’d celebrate later tonight. But this is a surprise… thank you… all of you. You really shouldn’t have.” Armin explained with a small smile.

 

“Where’s dad?” Eren asked with a sigh as he leaned back in his chair uncaringly.

 

“He’s at work, had an emergency to tend to,” Carla responded with a small smile as she sat out plates to the three teens then proceeded to cut the cake into slices.

 

“He’s always at work…” Eren mumbled, “But whatever…”

 

“Eren, your father works very hard for us, come now… have some cake.” Carla gave a stern look to her son and placed a piece of cake of each plate. “Now you kids help yourselves, I need to go out and pick up a few things, Mikasa keep an eye on things while I’m out.”

 

Mikasa nodded ever so slightly and watched as Carla left the trio alone in the kitchen. She focused her stare at Armin who looked a bit lost in thought as he scrapped his fork nervously across the plate carelessly pulling apart the cake into small segments only to bite her lip in hesitation holding onto her words. Eren quickly pulled her attention away as tapped away at his phone and again leaned back into his chair, “Hey, Reiner and Annie are coming over.”

 

“Oh?” She simply questioned only to take small bites of just the frosting.

 

Armin kept his stare down at the plate in front of himself feeling the discomfort of eating in front of others. He had made it a habit to eat in solitude yet not really sure for the reason maybe out of fear even if it was Eren and Mikasa. Normally he would take his food away and eat in secret, mostly when he felt stressed or just out of boredom. It helped him cope, yet that nagging guilt of his secret pleasures always haunted him. Seeing all the empty wrappers and the nauseating pain in his stomach pulled him back to reality. He would only binge once or twice a week so he tried to convince himself that it was ok.

 

“Yeah, they’ll be here soon or so Reiner says.” Eren grabbed a can of coke from the fridge and snapped it open as he one handed texted assumedly to Reiner, “Oh shit, Annie has some lyrics written up for some new songs… sweet.”

 

“Hmm…” Mikasa hummed softly under her breath and pulled her glance back to the quiet blonde who had not eaten a bite yet had simply torn the cake into tiny pieces, “Armin?”

 

“Huh? Y-yes?” He looked across the table and looked into Mikasa’s concerned stare, “Sorry, I was just lost in thought.”

 

“You don’t like the cake?” Armin could almost see her pout, “I thought you’d like it.”

 

“Oh, it’s perfect Mikasa. Just…” His blue eyes glanced over at Eren who was now chatting away on his phone heading into another room, “N…Never mind… I think I should go.”

 

“Armin,” Mikasa’s stare pierced into Armin making the boy fidget slightly in his chair, “Do you… have feelings for Eren?”

 

“E-eh? W-why would you ask that?” Pale cheeks flushed brightly and his body stiffened from nerves.

 

“I… see the way you look at him,” Mikasa tugged gently at her scarf, “To be honest, yes he’s with Reiner but I don’t see it being serious. I overheard them talking it’s more of well a friends with benefits kind of thing.”

 

Armin wasn’t sure how to respond to her _. Friends with benefits? So they… had sex? Kiss? Not a full-fledged relationship? Nothing sincere or emotional connections? Why was she telling me this?_

 

“I-I don’t like him like that…” _Armin you liar…_ He smiled meekly at her, “Besides I’m far from being Eren’s… type.”

 

Another sigh escaped Mikasa’s lips, “I think you’d complement him well…” She cleaned off her plate and set it aside on the kitchen counter, “Have you noticed how much Eren has changed lately…?” Her body leaned back against the counter and she crossed her arms the sound of concern filled her voice.

 

“Changed…? Well… he does seem a bit different…” Armin muttered softly, “We planned to do… study sessions after school but it never really ever happened. He… also stopped sitting with me at lunch time. Lately he’s been hanging around with different people I… don’t see him often so I can’t say for sure.”

 

“Hmm… he always locks himself away in his room either by himself or with Reiner. He just plays his guitar or well to put it simply fools around. I’m just worried. Ever since last year, the stuff with Jean, he just seems so bitter.”

 

“I guess I don’t know Eren very well… so I guess I can’t be a fair judge of character.” Armin chewed gently at his bottom lip, “I…I should go. It’s getting late.” Or rather he just wanted to leave before Reiner and Annie showed up leaving him to feel severly anxious and socially awkward.

 

“Wait,” Mikasa retreated to another room and came back in a matter of moments with an average sized wrapped box and held it out towards the blonde. “Happy birthday, I… hope you like it.”

 

Armin stared at it for a moment after Mikasa placed it on the table in front of him. He gently tugged at the bow that bound the dust pink box then slowly pulled out a knitted material, a scarf. “Did you… make it?”

 

Mikasa nodded slightly, “Carla has been teaching me…” She admitted bashfully.

 

“I love it…” A smile formed on the round face and he wrapped it around his neck gently, “Thank you…”

 

“Wait, I’m going to pack up the rest of the cake for you,” Mikasa quickly yet carefully packed up the remnants of the cake as Eren walked back in, “Eren… I know Reiner and Annie are coming over but can you walk Armin home?”

 

“Why can’t you…?” Eren whined slightly, “I don’t really wanna…I was gonna shower.”

 

Armin finished pulling on his shoes and looked over at Eren, “I… can walk home alone. I wouldn’t want to be a burden on any of you. I’ll see you both at school…” Quickly pulling his sweater on his smiled weakly at the two and rushed out before any of them could get a word in.

 

“But… you’re cake… Armin,” Mikasa sighed and put the plastic container down onto the table.

 

“Eh, he must not want it, can share it with Reiner and Annie.” Eren shrugged.

 

Mikasa glared towards her adoptive brother, “Eren… stop being suck a jerk.”

 

Eren looked her way wide eyed, “Eh?! I’m not! How was I being a jerk?”

 

“Armin really likes you Eren… you just brushed him off like some stranger.”

 

“What the hell are you talking about Mikasa? I did spend time him… we went shopping and stuff,” Eren stated defensively. “Besides… he got all mopey and we had to leave anyways…”

 

“Eren…” Mikasa crossed her arms in annoyance, “Did you even ask if he was ok? Clearly Armin wasn’t himself today.”

 

“I don’t know Mikasa…really. I asked him if he was ok and he just said he was fine and he’d just tell me later… so I left it at that.” Eren sighed, “Can you just lay off me please? Just leave me alone.”

 

Mikasa felt her glare pierce through her brother and Eren diverted his eyes in discomfort, “You’ve changed… and not in a good way.” She sighed brushing some stray hairs from her face, “I’m sorry Eren… I’m just concerned.”

 

“Nothing to be concerned about so again lay off…”

 

Before Mikasa could continue the conversation Eren had retreated out of sight presumably to the shower. “Eren…” She whispered then pressed her lips tightly together her eyes filled with concern for her brother the feeling of helplessness crept over her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I'm so sorry for the short chapter. It's only half, but I wanted to get an update while I finish the next half. It's not the best of my work but I hope everyone enjoys. ALSO I want to thank everyone for their kind words and kudos. Next chapter I will add something extra to make up for this ones shortness.

Panic, anxiety, guilt, hatred overtook Armin as he sat at the edge of his bed tugging at a loose thread of his sweater sleeve. He let out a shaky long breath and bit down harshly on his lower lip as he now pondered his options or rather spat angry words to himself as if to convince himself that he was nothing but a worthless pathetic human being.

 

 _Ok…Ok… think. THINK. What can I do? Wait…wait._ I can solve this problem. Armin paced slightly across the room nearly muttering his thoughts aloud. _If I’m going to impress Eren then I can’t be fat. Eren likes thin, Eren likes beautiful people… Well of course he, he himself is perfect._

Armin sat back down on his bed and tugged the thread roughly from his sweater. _Ok, I need to set rules for myself then. No matter what I eat I have to just throw up, I can control this. I can SOLVE this. I have to… If I’m not thin then I’m not beautiful. Or maybe I can go awhile without eating. That will help_. _Eren will notice me then. Definitely._

He felt a surge of excitement take over his body; this was so perfect, control. This is exactly what he wanted, no - this was exactly what he needed. It was perfect, it was absolutely perfect. Slowly he approached the full length mirror in his room and trailed his fingertips over the soft curves of his body. _Soon, I’ll be perfect… perfect for Eren._

 

It felt so right, so intoxicating knowing he could indulge himself without the guilt. He would show them all perfection, no more teasing, no more rejection. Armin fell back onto his bed and let out small fits of laughter and a grin plastered on his face yet why were there tears? Why was he crying? Why did his chest ache with sadness?

 

Sleep had been impossible that night for Armin and it showed he forced himself to get ready in the morning and everything just seemed against him. He had awoken to being forced into having a cold shower, he surprisingly forgot to do his math assignment and to make matters worse he was running late. Yeah he was so going to be late…

 

 _Perfect chance to skip breakfast_ , he thought fighting back a small smile as he approached the front door. He pulled his backpack over his shoulders and grabbed for the door.

 

“Armin?”

 

 _Shit,_ he glanced back to see his grandfather approach him.

 

“Oh, good morning grandpa, sorry I thought you were downstairs working. I need to go now or I’ll be late…” Armin kept up a smile as he turned slightly to face the elderly man.

 

“Hey now… I can drive you, eat something before you go. I got people covering the store this morning.” He motioned for the boy to join him in the kitchen.

 

Armin bit the inside of his cheek slightly the thought of eating right now flared his anxiety, “S-sure, If you don’t mind…”

 

He sat staring at the bowl of cereal and toast in front of him and let out a breath that he was holding in. Slowly and what seemed painful he ate a few spoonful’s of cereal and tore the toast into pieces almost hoping to make the illusion that he had eaten some of it. “Thank you grandpa…”

 

I need to get this food out of me now… Once I get to school it’s so gone… Oh so very much gone.

 

Armin fidgeted anxiously the entire ride to school he kept his stare out the window and almost immediately as his grandfather stopped the car he leapt out, “Thanks, I’ll see you later grandpa!” He called out as he rushed into the school. Thankfully he still had about five minutes till class so he had time.

 

Rushing into the first bathroom and stall he got to he leaned over the porcelain glass of the toilet and forced the food up violently as he jabbed a finger down his throat. It burned, it hurt but oh how he felt better at the same time. Relief, pleased and content with himself he rid himself of the last bit of food and froze as he heard someone else shuffling outside the stalls.

 

“Hey, you ok in there?”

 

That concerned kind voice, Marco. Armin groaned inwardly, “I-I’m fine, don’t worry.” He didn’t notice but his voice was cracked and shaken but he flushed and cracked open the door slightly.

 

“Armin, hey… do you need to go to the nurse?”

 

Armin forced a smile, “No, it’s ok. I’m feeling better. Don’t concern yourself with me.” His smile faded as he turned from Marco his gaze downcast as he washed his hands furiously. “We should get to class or we’ll be late.”

 

“Right,” Marco said quietly observing the blonde boy, “So, how have you been? I haven’t really had time to chat in a while.”

 

“Everything is fine, I’ve just been busy… studying. You know.” Armin felt frustrated and just wanted to be left alone. As they walked into the classroom he merely brushed Marco off and sat down at his desk keeping his gaze averted.

 

The class went completely silent as Levi entered the room, his gaze was enough to scare the hell out of most of the students and it was best to keep on his good side or at least that’s what Armin had concluded.

 

“I’m sure all of you have prepared for today’s test.” He started to say as he started around the room handing out each student their copy. “If any of you took your time to study I’m sure you will do fine isn’t that right Yaeger?” He placed down the paper at Eren’s desk as he went by sending a shooting glare his way.

 

Eren rolled his eyes, “Of course sir.” Armin could hear the hint of sarcasm in his voice.

 

_Test?_

 

Armin froze. Oh shit. _How could I forget this? How? I forgot the assignment but I don’t even remember anything about a test. Did I study this material? I don’t even remember. Oh god. I remember nothing._ His mind went blank and his face paled with fear. _Great now I’m fat and stupid._ He stared down at the paper and all the words and questions just seemed to blur in his head.

 

Armin stared down at his desk with a blank expression. _Ok, Ok, calm down. Now think… it’s just one test… you had more important things to worry about. Yeah. What do marks matter when you’re just a disgusting waste of space, right. I have to focus on what’s most important. I can just guess the answers._

 

Clearly Armin wasn’t thinking realistically but in his current mindset he convinced himself what was necessary.

 

He watched the clock intensely _. 3…2…1…_

 

“Ok, time is up you brat- er,” Levi grit his teeth, he had to stop calling them brats, “Bring your tests to the front.”

 

Armin waited till mostly everyone handed theirs in before doing so himself and quickly retreating back to his seat turning to glance over at Eren who was slumped down in his seat trying to hide his phone as under his desk as he texted.

 

Oh how Armin wished he had a phone, oh how he wished Eren would text him. But more so how he wished to be beautiful so Eren would definitely notice him. _I just need to stay focused._ He told himself firmly before pulling his gaze away from Eren and down to his notebook.

 

“Arlert!?”

 

Armin jumped slightly as he was pulled out of his thoughts. He looked up to see Levi next to his desk a frown forming on his face. “Y-yes, sir…?” _Crap, I have no idea what he wants… I really should pay attention._

“Your math assignment?”

 

 _Oh, yeah, that…_ “I-t-that is… I forgot…” Armin responded quietly looking down at his desk. “S-sorry sir…”

 

Levi sighed slightly, “See me after class.” He stated before continuing on.

 

Armin felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes, _Focus Armin, Focus._ He stared down at his notebook and viciously began scribbling down on the paper. ‘You’re fat, disgusting, ugly, and worthless. Remind yourself every time you see this page. Don’t eat, never eat and if you do your weak and pathetic.’ He sat his pencil down and read the words over and over to himself.

Lunch time had approached quickly and Armin felt a nervous twinge hit his stomach. Maybe it was from hunger or nerves, he didn’t want to have to talk to Levi, he knew he messed up and didn’t need someone reminding him.

 

“Armin… How are you?”

 

That soft gentle voice, “Oh hey Mikasa, I’m ok.” Armin gave his usual smile, “You?”

 

“Here…” She handed him the plastic container which had the remnants of his birthday cake. “You rushed out so quickly… you forgot.”

 

Curse you Mikasa… It was so incredibly tempting he just wanted to eat the whole thing right then and there. “T-thank you, but you didn’t have to.”

 

“You’re welcome and yes I did, it was for you…” She turned her glance to Annie who stood at the doorway waiting patiently, “Good luck with… well,” She then turned her attention to Levi, “I’ll see you after… Ok?”

 

Armin nodded slightly and Mikasa left with Annie quick to follow. He looked over hesitantly at Levi, “S-sir…?”

 

He heard Levi clear his throat, “You seem to be distracted in my class as of late and clearly it is affecting your school work. If there is something going on then I suggest you say so.”

 

Armin shook his head, “There’s nothing going on sir. I just need to work harder.”

 

“Work harder or not…” He pressed two papers down on Armin’s desk, “To go from this.” Shifting the paper with one clearly marked with 100% then shifted to the next, “To this.” Which had a clear 58%, “And from what I seen from the test you just passed in I expect that to be much worse.”

 

Armin swallowed dryly, “I- I’ll do better. I’m sorry sir.”

 

“I except you to or I’ll be forced to fail you. I know you came from being home schooled but you didn’t seem to have a hard time grasping the lessons when you first started. Has something changed?”

 

“N-no sir… can I go now?” Armin got up from his seat and headed towards the door.

 

“Arlert, wait,” Levi gave him a piercing yet serious stare, “If there is something going on you can tell me or guidance counselor Ral.”

 

Armin just wanted to yell and scream and tell him to butt out and leave him alone but instead muttered a quiet thank you and headed out the door. The hallway was relatively quiet aside from a few students, most obviously in the cafeteria but Armin wasn’t sure what to do. He just wanted to go someone and be alone.

 

“Armin!”

 

“Eh? Eren?” Armin felt somewhat surprised, his ‘best friend’ or lately he really just considered ‘a friend’ rarely talked to him at school. “Did you need something…?”

 

“Hm? Oh, no not really. You want to join us for lunch?” Eren held an odd expression almost like his question was forced.

 

“I…well, I guess. If you guys don’t mind,” Armin followed a few feet behind Eren as they made their way to the cafeteria. As they entered the room he quickly scanned the room and observed the table they approached. Eren grabbed a seat next to Reiner with Bertolt on Reiner’s other side. Armin paused for a moment and observed the table they sat at- Mikasa, Annie, Sasha, Connie, Krista, Ymir and at the end sat Marco yet across from him sat Jean which set his mind into a panic.

 

Of course the only seat left was next to Jean.

 

Mikasa gave Armin a small smile and the blonde cracked a meek smile.

 

“You don’t need to stand Armin. Come sit.” Eren motioned to the empty seat.

 

_Really? Did everyone just forget what Jean did to me? Why…?_

Sasha suddenly bolted up from her chair and crept over to Armin and she peered into the plastic container he held, “Ohmygod… cake!” He swore he could see a globe of drool hanging from the corner of her mouth as she looked at him with a pout.

 

“Uh… Uhm…,” Armin took a slight step back from the excitable girl, “Y-you can have it.” He slowly held the container out to her and she swiftly plucked it from his hands and she skipped back to her seat with excitement.

 

“Armin…” Mikasa sighed, “You didn’t have to give it to her…”

 

Armin’s attention was pulled away as Jean muttered under his breath, “Not like Arlert needs it.”

 

Marco shot Jean a firm glare, “Jean… please we talked about this…” He hissed under his breath.

 

“Fuck Jean, shut up…” Eren growled out, “I thought you were trying to make attempts not to be an ass.”

 

“It’s fine Eren…” Armin said softly, “I… I forgot I need to go do something. Sorry guys, I’ll join you another time, ok?” He forced up the best smile he good before he turned away quickly retreating out of the cafeteria. _I’m just some pathetic joke to everyone…but I’ll show them… I’ll change and be beautiful._

* * *

 

 

It had been two weeks, just two weeks and Armin felt like pure crap. His head hurt his body ached and he felt the sick taste of vomit linger in his mouth and throat. Everything around him seemed like a blur, almost like it was a dream. He caved in twice both food binges worse than it ever had been but he convinced himself it was ok each time he leaned over and gagged the intake of food out of his system.

 

He was exhausted and it showed. Dark circles had appeared under his eyes and it had been more than once that he had nodded off during class.

 

His eyes stared blankly and his body wanted to give out as his least favorite class had started. Phys. Ed. Yet to make matters worse Mr. Shadis had the class running laps, way too many laps. Armin leaned over feeling his body twinge in discomfort and his mind go hazy.

 

“Pick it up Arlert,” He heard his teacher yell from across the room, “There’s still ten more minutes of warmup to go!”

 

 _Warmup... seriously?_ Armin grit his teeth and clenched his hands into fists as he shuffled his feet across the floor and then it hit him, everything became hazy and his body gave out from under him then black.

 

_Did I pass out? What just happened…? Am I in a bed…? I’m so confused… my head hurts…_

“He’s waking up!”

 

Armin groaned at the harsh voice and brought a hand to his head and winced touching a small bump had formed. He now came to the conclusion that he must have passed out.

 

“Levi he’s awake!”

 

“Shit, I heard you the first time!” That was Mr. Ackermann’s voice. Armin’s eyes slowly opened and he slowly propped himself up with his elbows. He watched as Levi approached the bed along with the school nurse Hanji.

 

“W-what’s… going on…?” Armin managed to get out, his voice cracked and he realized just how dry his throat was, it hurt along with most of his body.

 

“Hmmm, you blacked out during your phys. Ed. class,” Hanji started as she leaned in closer to him holding a bottle of water out to the blonde, “You’re very dehydrated and Levi has told me you have been having problems staying awake during class.” She placed a hand along his forehead, “You don’t have a fever… Have you been feeling ok?”

 

Armin bit his lower lip and threw a glare Hanji’s way, “I-I’m fine… aside from my head. Can I go?”

 

“Oh, no, no! You stay put.” Hanji pulled a stool up close to the bed and sat down, “Now lay back, rest.”

 

“W-what time is it…?” Armin asked feeling himself sink back down onto the bed.

 

Hanji glanced at her watch and then back at the boy, “It’s just about 2:30, and you’ve been out for about 20minutes.”

 

“How…how did I get here?”

 

“You’re friend Eren, I think it was, carried you down.”  Hanji replied as she strapped a band around his arm and hummed to herself slightly, “Oh, oh, your blood pressure is a bit high…”

 

“Eren…did…?” Armin felt his cheeks flush red trying to ignore Hanji’s medical observations, “W-where are my things… my backpack…?”

 

“I have them.” Levi replied leaning back up against the wall observing the blonde, “Have you been eating?”

 

His words hit Armin hard and he turned his head and stared wide eyed at the dark haired man. His cheeks went from pink to white as a sheet with panic as the words rolled off Levi’s tongue. _Why, why was he asking that? Why would he assume that…?_

 

“S-sir…” Armin bit down on his lip begging his mind to not say something stupid, “O-of course I have, why would you say that?”

 

Levi raised an eyebrow, “Hn, no need to sound so offended… It makes you sound like you’re lying.”

 

Armin grits his teeth, “Does it look like I haven’t been eating?” His words almost came out with a bit of anger and quickly turned head and stared out the nearby window.

 

Hanji rushed over to the cabinet across the room and shifted through the shelves, “Ah ha!” She returned to the blonde and handed him two small pills, “For the headache I’m sure you’re not so enjoying.”

 

Armin took the pills gratefully, “Thank you…”

 

“Hanji… I’d like to have a chat with Arlert in private,” Levi muttered looking over at Hanji then at Armin.

 

“Yes, yes,” Hanji stood up from her chair, “Now be nice to the poor boy and don’t scare him with that cranky face!”

 

“Out,” Levi rubbed his forehead in aggravation, “Now.”

 

Hanji jumped up from the stool, “Jeez Levi got your panties in a bunch today don’t you?” She added before leaving the room. Levi simply glared at the statement.

 

Armin felt uneasy with Levi’s cold stare. He watched as the short man sat down on the stool, his arms crossed and a sigh escaped his lips. Levi cleared his throat before he decided to speak clearly deciding on how he should start what he wanted to say.

 

“Look kid, you either tell me the truth or I make this a whole lot worse for you than it already is.”

 

Armin studied his superior’s expression, “Sir, I have no idea what you’re talking about…”

 

“Ok, but, explain this,” Levi reached down and held up Armin’s note book.

 

Armin’s eyes widened, “That’s mine! Y-you went through my belongings without my permission?!” It wasn’t like the blonde to raise his voice but panic took over and he frantically reached out to grab it from Levi’s hand.

 

“No, it fell out of your bag by accident. You just carelessly left it open on this,” Levi held up the notebook, “Page.”

 

Armin looked away from it and bit his lip slightly.

 

“So instead of taking notes in my class you write these things?”

 

Armin stayed quiet and really wished that Levi would just leave him alone. He didn’t realize that tears had sprung from the corners of his eyes.

 

Levi let out a long drawn out sigh, “Seriously? When was the last time you ate?”

 

“Leave me alone…” Armin muttered softly turning onto his side facing away from Levi, “It’s not like you’d understand anyways.”

 

“Tch, you’d be surprised,” He heard Levi shift on the stool, “Let me guess, you’re interested in someone and you think you have to change yourself in order for them to acknowledge you.”

 

Levi noticed the blonde flinch and stiffens his body then slowly heard soft sobbing escape his lips.

 

 _Of course_ , Levi thought to himself, _all these brats are the same_. He shoved the notebook back into Armin’s backpack and crossed his arms. _I’m going to need a smoke after this shit._

 

“Well, clearly, whoever you’re into isn’t willing to notice you the way you are right now than whomever it is definitely not worth your damn time.”

 

Armin curled up slightly on the bed, “I… don’t want to talk about this.”

 

“Clearly you do,” Levi sighed, “What you’re doing is dangerous and stupid. I never pegged you as an idiot Arlert.”

 

“You wouldn’t understand anyways…”

 

“Oh? Try me,” Armin heard Levi shift slightly on the stool, “You’d be surprised.”

 

Armin turned over onto has back and looked at Levi, “I… I knew it was stupid… I won’t do it again.”

 

“Tch, I don’t believe you,” Levi stated bluntly his arms crossed firmly, “I’m going to set you up with appointments with Petra Ral, ok?”

 

“But I…-.”

 

Levi cut in swiftly, “Or I’ll be forced to tell your family and then I would imagine you having bigger problems.”

 

“N-no! Please don’t tell my grandfather…please…” Armin looked at Levi with pleading eyes as he spoke, “I-I’ll see Ms. Ral… like you said…”

 

“Good, now I’ll send Hanji to get you something to eat. We will be watching you.” Levi stressed the last part, “I will be going back to the classroom, relieve Erwin from your bratty classmates.”

 

“Thank you sir…” Armin said quietly, “I’m sorry for being a burden.”

Levi stood up and looked down at the blonde, “You’re only a burden if you make yourself a burden.” He headed towards the door, “Next time use your head kid.”

 

“Yes…”

 

_I can’t do anything right. I must really be that pathetic that I couldn’t do something this simple right. I should just give up on everything… Eren will never like me. Everyone already knows just how pathetic and fat I am. Why bother trying anymore it doesn’t even matter. In just two small weeks I failed… I’m a waste of time and space- everyone knows it. Ha!_

* * *

 

 

“Just a second!”

 

Armin shuffled around the kitchen in the tiny apartment, his cheeks and body littered in flour. He sat down a mixing bowl on the kitchen counter. Another knock caused the blonde to sigh in annoyance, “I said just a second…”

 

The blonde rushed over to the door, “Yes-?” Armin blinked, “E-Eren?” He felt his heart flutter slightly but his thoughts took over. _Stop Armin, no point lusting over someone you will never ever have._

“Uh, hey… are you busy?” He heard Eren let out a small laugh, “You’re covered in… something.”

 

Armin flushed with embarrassment, “Oh… n-no, I’m just practicing baking… some of my grandfather’s recipes.”

 

“You weren’t at school today and… after what happened to you… well I was kind of worried,” Eren rubbed the back of his head bashfully, “Mikasa was worried too, and you really need a phone Armin.”

 

“A-ah, well… m-money is tight here sometimes… a-anyways,” _Why am I so nervous around him all the time?_ “Ms. Hanji recommended me to take the day off and get some rest.” Armin took a few steps back, “O-oh, come in… unless you can’t stay.”

 

Eren shrugged a bit and kicked his shoes off then pulled his jacket off chucking it on the nearby coat rack, “I can stay for a bit.”

 

Armin slowly turned to walk back towards the kitchen, Eren quick to follow, he glanced back at the taller boy and bit his lip slightly, “Uhm…did Mikasa ask you to come here?”  He stared down at the mixing bowl as he spoke while Eren took a seat in a nearby chair.

 

“What do you mean by that?” Eren raised an eyebrow.

 

Armin stirred the contents of the bowl slowly, “Nothing, sorry, did I miss anything important at school?”

 

“Eh, not really... Same as usual, boring,” Eren looked over curiously at the blonde, “What are you making?”

 

“Hm… well I’m trying to make white chocolate raspberry cupcakes but I doubt they’ll turn out as well as my grandfather makes them,” A sigh escaped Armin’s lips and he started to pour small amounts into each mold of the cupcake tin.

 

Eren leaned over Armin peering into the bowl causing the blonde to jump slightly, “Well…” He dipped his finger into the mix and tasted it, “Seems fine to me.”

 

“Oh gross… Eren there’s raw egg in there…” Armin crunched his nose up in disgust as Eren laughed a bit and shrugged.

 

“Says the one I seen eat raw cookie dough.”

 

“Ok, ok,” With a sigh Armin put the tray in the oven and turned to Eren, “Uhm… so how are things? The band…. Reiner…?”

 

“Band’s going good… we’re planning a dance sometime at school to perform. Principal Smith gave us the go ahead. You better be there,” Eren paused for a moment and sighed, “Reiner… is fine, I mean it’s not like we had some established relationship but it is what it is.”

 

Armin felt a bit of excitement flutter up through his body, “Oh, I see…”

 

“Hmm… to be honest he’s really not my type at all actually,” Eren replied with a laugh.

 

Arming bit his bottom lip, “So…,” He started unsure as to if he should continue his question, “What… is your type exactly?”

 

Armin noticed a blush form across Eren’s tanned cheeks, “I-I dunno, someone kind… and smart.”

 

“Oh… I see,” Armin smiled slightly, “I’m sure you’ll meet the right person.”

 

“So, ah, yeah,” Eren muttered a bit of nervousness in his voice, “Anyways…”

 

Armin turned to mix the icing for the cupcakes, “Did Mikasa have some kind of sports thing after school?”

 

 “Hm, something like that, it’s kind of boring so I wasn’t really paying attention to her.”

 

Armin giggled softly, “I can understand that.”

 

“Although she wanted to know if you’d come over this weekend? I almost forgot but yeah she wanted me to ask you.”

 

“Oh, yes… that should be fine.”

 

There was now silence between the two boys, yet as the timer to the oven went off they both jumped in surprise. Armin pulled the tray out of the oven with a sigh; his eyes observed the small sweet treats

 

“I think they turned out ok,” Armin muttered softly, “You want to take some home with you?”

 

Eren tugged and played with the string of his hoodie, “If you want to give some then I guess so,” He said with a slight shrug.

 

Armin turned his back to Eren carefully pulling each cupcake from the tray, “Ok…”

 

“Armin… life is way too complicated…” He heard Eren stress out with a long sigh.

 

“I…I…know the feeling…” Armin’s voice shook nervously and he kept his back towards Eren as he spoke.

 

Eren bit his lip and got up from his chair, “Eh, you’ve actually got things pretty good. I mean your grandpa is awesome, you’re super smart, you know...”

 

Armin froze; he had a surge of anger come over him as Eren’s words rolled off his tongue. _How can he just come out and say that…? He has no idea how lucky **he** is…_ He quietly frosted the cupcakes and packaged a few up for Eren.

 

“So, ah… It’s getting late. I should go…”

 

“Ok… Thank you for checking on me, tell Mikasa that I’ll be over this weekend.” Armin handed the package of sweets to Eren.

 

“Armin… I-,”Eren started but stopped himself, “Ah, never mind.”

 

“O-ok… see you.” Armin said in a small whisper.

 

“Yeah… See you later.” Eren hesitated slightly before turning away from the blonde, “Take care of yourself ok?”

 

Armin held himself together long enough until Eren had left. _Damn it… why does he have to be so… so incredible. Every time I talk to him I see so flustered and nervous. Why does he have to be so unbelievably beautiful?_ He sat down at one of the kitchen chairs and pouted. _But why does he have to act like that… why couldn’t he be the same Eren that I got to know… he just doesn’t feel the same to me. It’s like Mikasa said… Eren is different._

Armin glanced back at the rest of the batch of cupcakes. He bit his lower lip nervously, fuck it. He got up put the rest of the cupcakes on a plate, sat back down and made his way through each one. A painful guilt loomed over him as he shoved the final piece into his mouth. The urge to want to purge the contents from his stomach overtook him.

 

Everything just sucked right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, as a last author note. I feel horrible making Jean an ass. But I chose him for that role of my story. ILU Jean!! <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will contain some Eremin moments! <3 I did not get a chance to proof read this chapter so I apologize if anything is out of sorts.

 

Armin stood nervously in front of the mirror in his room. He had literally torn through his closet sifting through all of his clothes trying on or rather attempting to try on the various clothes he had. His lips turned to a pout as the one t-shirt he had that he had once considered way too big to now fit snuggly across his now rounder body. At least something fit. Other than the outfit that Eren had recently got him he only had 2 shirts and well none of his jeans fit most of them only coming up mid-thigh. He had a pair of sweatpants that seemed to fit, he turned slightly. A bit snug but they fit none the less.

 

He really wanted to dress nicely but wearing the same outfit all the time felt awkward. “I look horrible…” Armin muttered aloud his eyes staring into the mirror, “But I guess it’ll have to do.”

 

He shifted the shirt to observe his softer rounder mid-section which pushed outward over top of the sweatpants at every angle he could see each and every soft curve. The blonde had no idea how much weight he had gained and he wasn’t sure he really wanted to know.

 

What he wouldn’t give right now for clothes that would hide his body.

 

Mikasa wanted him to go over but he wasn’t sure if he could. He felt scared and insecure. No one ever said he looked fine and no one ever complimented him so he had to be ugly. Going to school was always torture to the point where he couldn’t pass through the hallway once without someone throwing an insult his way.

 

After the incident with Levi he had ended up talking to Petra his next day at school at lunch break, maybe to make sure he ate for observation purposes or because she really did care. She was a petite woman and held a gentle expression. After the first time talking with her she brought his mind back to reality.

 

A sigh escaped the blonde’s lips. He enjoyed food and it was actually quite horrible to reject it from his system. Armin didn’t tell her everything that was going on but he told her enough so that she could pull his mind out of the hell he was going through. Getting a few things off his chest was relieving and he couldn’t help but feel stupid for his actions.

 

Yet things still lingered. The hatred for himself was still there and he was wondering if he would ever feel like himself again. Maybe he was overthinking everything again. Truthfully he loved food and he used to feel happy indulging himself. At first he didn’t care about the extra weight, yeah maybe it made him a little insecure getting changed in front of other people but it wasn’t like it took over his life like it was now.

 

Giving up he shrugged his too small a jacket over his arms and wrapped the scarf Mikasa got him for his birthday around his neck. It was probably cold out so he added thin mittens and a hat. Lastly he put his shoes on and sighed.

 

He was going to be spending the weekend over so he grabbed his already packed bag and slung it over his shoulders. Lastly he took remembered the cheesecake his grandfather had made for him to bring over to the Yaegers.

 

Mikasa had said that Carla and Grisha were going away for the weekend and she wanted company. Although he assumed that Annie was busy otherwise she would be there instead of him. Of course Eren would be there and that sat Armin’s emotions all aflutter.

 

Thankful, yet again, that his grandfather gave him a ride to the house because, one it was freezing out and two it was a fairly long walk.

 

“Thank you Grandpa… If you need me at any time this weekend just call, ok?” Armin smiled at the older man.

 

“Of course m’boy, you kids behave yourselves.” He replied as Armin got out of the car.

 

With a small sigh Armin waved goodbye to his grandfather and watched as he drove away. He turned and felt his stomach flutter with nerves as he approached the house. Slowly and awkwardly he tugged his shirt down repeatedly as it continuously ridden up from as he assumed being too small and it didn’t help that he was carrying the cheesecake so tugging the shirt down fully seemed impossible.

 

Giving up he simply knocked on the door and felt a blush creep over his cheeks as Eren opened it, “Oh, hey Armin.” Eren stepped back and let the blonde in from the cold, “Mikasa’s just having a shower or whatever girly shit.”

 

“O-oh, I see, that’s fine,” Armin really couldn’t take his eyes off the other boy. Eren wore a form fitted band t-shirt and a pair of ragged dark denim skinny jeans. Oh screw it Eren looks good in everything… Armin bit his lower lip gently as his couldn’t help but almost feel lustful for the green eyed boy.

 

“Armin? You’re like spacing into wonderland or something?” A hand waved in front of his face and Armin recoiled slightly causing Eren to let out a small laugh, “Man, are you ok?”

 

“Y-yes, oh my grandfather made this for you guys,” Armin held the cake out to Eren who took it rather gently; “H-he always bakes too much a-anyways.” _Stupid, stop stuttering!_

 

“Ah, well thanks! Mikasa will drool over it.”

 

Armin shed the jacket and accessories and put them away in the coat closet nearby, “E-everything grandpa makes is always really good.” Again he tugged at the shirt constantly trying to keep it down over his chubby stomach.

 

Eren put the cake down on the kitchen table and turned to the shorter boy, “Fuck, I’m glad it’s the weekend…”

 

Armin nodded a little, “Y-yeah… y-you look nice today Eren.”

 

Eren glanced down at himself and shrugged a little, “Really? Do I?”

 

“Y-you do…”

 

“I just put whatever on. It’s comfortable.”

 

“O-oh… b-but it does look really nice.” Armin’s face turned a brighter pink.

 

“Well, thanks I guess.”

 

“Y-you always look good. I-I mean just… you have nice clothes.” _Oh shit I am such an idiot._ Armin wanted to just smack himself for acting like a complete idiot.

 

“Armin, relax, why so nervous?”

 

The two went quiet as Mikasa walked into the room. She raised an eyebrow in suspicion, “Don’t stop talking on my account, unless you’re hiding something Eren.”

 

“No, no, not at all,” Eren grinned, “Oh hey Armin brought cheesecake.”

 

Mikasa smiled at the blonde, “Thank you Armin.” She brushed a hand through her damp hair and pulled a few strands behind her ear. “I’m glad you came. We’re ordering pizza tonight anything specific?”

 

“No, I’m ok with anything.”

 

“Let me order Mikasa you’ll just get something gross.”

 

She sighed, “We’ll just get multiple if you’re going to be picky.”

 

“Fine with me, I hate those green peppers you load up your pizza with. Gross.” Eren made a disgusted face, “Plus I want some of those garlic and cheese bread sticks and chips.”

 

“Eren we have a mountain of junk food that you made Carla pick up… we don’t need more,” Mikasa stated in her motherly voice and ended with a defeated sigh, “We’ll just get whatever. Anyways, I’m glad you’re feeling better Armin.”

 

Armin smiled, “Thank you… so is it… just the three of us?”

 

“Hopefully so,” Mikasa looked Eren’s way, “No parties. Remember what happened last time you invited I swear everyone and other people we didn’t even know. The house got trashed.”

 

Eren couldn’t help but laugh, “Oh yeah, that was pretty bad. But it was kind of fun.”

 

Mikasa shook her head, “Yeah after people somehow got alcohol in the house and you got drunk out of your mind. But I suppose you suffered the consequences the next day.”

 

“Hey now, I wasn’t that bad,” Eren mumbled, “Besides I got grounded for six months, that was the worst part.”

 

“Psh, you’re just lucky I calmed your parents down,” Mikasa couldn’t help but shake her head, “Well, anyways we have some games and movies we can watch. Anything you have in mind Armin, you’re the guest.”

 

“O-oh anything… whatever you guys want to do,” Armin tugged at the bottom of his shirt unable to get over his forever looming insecurity.

 

“But hey Mikasa, would you be mad if maybe… I invited some people,” Eren said casually trying to make himself act innocently, “I mean… Reiner… Bert… ok so I invited most of the gang and maybe they’re going to bring friends.”

Mikasa shot a glare Eren’s way, “Are you serious? Tell me you’re joking.”

 

“We-ll… I already said it was ok, com’on,” Eren pleaded, “I even wanted to surprise you, Reiner got Annie out of that stupid family shit they had her doing so she’ll be here too.”

 

Mikasa did her best to hide the soft crimson that crossed her cheeks, “Fine, but no drugs, no alcohol. If I see anything I will not bail you out like last time.”

 

“Awesome, thank you Mikasa,” Eren grinned ear to ear, “I promise you it’ll be better than last time.”

 

Mikasa turned slightly to look at Armin who turned his gaze to the floor again, “I’m sorry Armin… I didn’t know about this. You’ll stay won’t you…?”

 

Blue eyes looked up at her and a small forced smile crossed his face, “I-it’s fine…”

 

“It’ll be fun Armin, I promise!” Eren wrapped an arm around the other boy’s shoulder.

 

“Well, you better help me get things ready Eren,” Mikasa stated her arms crossed in front of her, “I really just wanted a relaxing weekend you know…”

 

“I know… but we never have the house to ourselves, don’t be a prude,” Eren protested, “You have an excuse to dress up nice for Annie.”

 

“Ugh, Eren…,” Mikasa retreated down towards her bedroom, “Might as well get ready then.” She added as she walked away.

 

Armin felt panic rise through his body, his eyes downcast and his body tensed. He had never really been to a party before and the thought of being in the house full of people let alone would probably include even those that tormented him at school.

 

Eren pulled away from Armin and he grinned wildly, “I’m glad Mikasa didn’t freak at me.” He turned and looked at the blonde boy, “Hey you ok Armin?”

 

Armin felt tears spring out from his eyes as his mind raced for words, “F-fine…I… I’m fine.”

 

“Are you crying? Why?” Eren observed the boy as he stepped closer.

 

Armin shook his head and frantically rubbed his tears from his cheeks, “N-no, no… I just… I’ve never been to a party before.”

 

“That’s nothing to get upset over,” Eren muttered, “You get upset too easily. It’ll be great… socializing.”

 

Armin gazed up at Eren who had a stupid grin on his face, “I guess… but it’s just… I don’t do well socially.”

 

“Well, here’s your chance!” Eren looked the blonde over and sighed, “Did you bring anything else to wear?”

 

“Uhm…” Armin glanced over at his backpack, “N-not really… I-I know I look terrible and ugly… I’m sorry. Maybe I should go.”

 

“What the hell Armin…” Eren took a few steps closer, “Why would you say that?”

 

“I-I… don’t know,” He responded in a whisper, “Because it’s true.”

 

Eren tilted his head and reached out hand tilting the blondes chin upward so to look at him in the eyes, “Did someone tell you this…?”

 

“… You hear what they say to me at school…” Armin’s voice was still soft as he looked up into those striking green eyes.

 

“Shit Armin, do not listen to that bullshit… those idiots don’t know what they’re talking about. So you’re not some scrawny twig… who cares,” Eren muttered running his thumb gently over Armin’s cheek.

 

Armin bit his lip gently and almost melted into Eren’s gentle touch, “I… was worried that you thought the same as everyone else…”

 

“Tch… Of course not,” Eren frowned then slid his hand down to Armin’s shoulder then arm, “I hate that people say those things to you… I want to beat them all to a pulp but with all the trouble I got into last year I just try to ignore it and you should do the same.”

 

“But you guys were hanging around Jean… I just thought...”

 

Eren sighed, “Jean is just drama central. After all the fucked up garbage he put me through comes to find out that he’s into Marco. We got him in check Armin… if he says anything we’ll kick him in the ass.”

 

“Wow, so he couldn’t come to terms with his sexuality was so he took it out on you because you didn’t care what everyone else thought, crazy.”

 

Eren shrugged, “I suppose so, what about you? Still have that crush we talked about awhile go?”

 

Armin’s felt like his entire body turned red as a tomato with embarrassment, “T-t-that… I-it’s…c-complicated…”

 

Eren couldn’t help but laugh at the flustered boy, “I know what you mean by complicated…”

 

“I… I like guys…” Armin squeaked out his blush still intact across his round cheeks.

 

A small hum escaped Eren’s lips and silence fell between the two. It felt awkward and Armin felt like he should just come out and say it. He felt brave for once. Armin exhaled a long breath and opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted when Mikasa walked into the room.

 

Her dark eyes observed the two boys, “Am I interrupting something?”

 

Eren turned to look at her, “Nah, just talking to Armin about Jean being a douche and stuff.”

 

“He’s coming too, hm?” Mikasa questioned with a slight concern, “With Marco I hope so to keep him in line.”

 

“Yeah probably, don’t worry. I don’t plan on starting a fight with him…” Eren grabbed ahold of Armin’s wrist, “Uh, we’re going to my room to get ready… People should be showing up in a few hours.”

 

Armin let out a slight yelp as Eren tugged him along. He sent Mikasa a nervous look and she simply smiled back at him in response. “Ok, if you need me I’ll be setting things up for the party.”

 

Eren’s room was always relatively messy but was littered with band posters, clothes tossed around or rather kicked in the corner. Two guitars sat in another corner which was the only thing that looked well kept. Armin watched as Eren turned on some music, it wasn’t too loud but enough for the two of them to hear.

 

Armin took a deep breath. He was in Eren’s room, they were alone, light music playing. It felt kind of romantic…

 

“Eren… do you think I look good…?” Armin sat down on the bed as he talked but couldn’t manage to look him in the eyes.

 

There was silence. Eren’s gaze turned to the blonde boy that sat on his bed and took a long look. Truthfully his attraction to Armin was different than anyone else he had ever met, the softness of his skin and the chubby body he seemed so insecure of. Eren loved it all, and he was embarrassed to say just how much he adored his body and scared to admit it to himself.

 

Eren sat next to Armin and put an arm gently around his waist which resulted in a flinch in return, “Eh… Armin you’re cute.”

 

Ok, ok. Eren loved how soft the skin was to the touch and oh how he couldn’t admit that all the weight Armin had gained was incredibly attractive. How awkward would the conversation be if he just came out and said he adored the extra weight?

 

Armin kept his stare downcast, “For some reason I just can’t believe that…” Another touch pulled his attention up towards Eren. A hand slowly snaked around his waist again, “E-Eren… I…”

 

Both of their eyes connected and Eren slowly brushed their lips together slowly and gently. He put a hand gently behind his neck pulling him deeper into the kiss. Eren could feel the inexperience of the kiss as Armin fumbled and pulled back a little to take in small breaths or wait was that his first kiss?

 

_Oh shit,_ Eren thought as he looked at the flushed blonde, _oh crap he probably didn’t even want to be kissed. Did I just force him? Shit, shit…!_

Armin put finger tips to his lips and looked at Eren a confused expression, “W-why…?” He managed to get out from his lips.

 

“I just…well… I like you… so,” Eren sighed, “I’m sorry about that, I shouldn’t have.”

 

“I just… you never seemed interested… in me,” Armin muttered, “I really don’t understand… b-besides… you like… people like Reiner… not someone like me.”

 

Eren sighed, “Armin, come on. Stop talking like that. It’s frustrating… but you know what… it’s not just that. I’ve had a hard time telling you that just… I didn’t want to freak you out.”

 

“Freak me out…?”

 

“Well, I just…like you just the way you are. It just means…” Slowly Eren slid an arm slowly around Armin’s waist shifting the shirt up slowly gliding his fingertips across the soft exposed flesh of his stomach then to his sides, “I love this. I… think it’s cute and… I mean… I always have, now more than ever.”

 

“I… I don’t believe you.” Armin batted the intrusive hand away from his waist and tugged at his shirt self-consciously, “Nobody would want someone like me. You can do so much better. You have to be lying… did someone tell you to do this as a joke?”

 

“No! What the hell… of course not. Why would you think that?”

 

Armin got up from the bed, “Because I’m fat. I’m a joke to everyone. I… I tried to fix it… I did. I tried… I’m sorry.”

 

Eren followed the blonde off the bed, “Fix…? What do you mean? You’re not making any sense.”

 

Armin bit his lower lip, “I’ll work harder…I promise… I know I’m not attractive now but… as I said I’ll work harder, I’ll… lose weight.”

 

Eren sighed in annoyance, “Have you been listening to a word I’ve said? For someone as smart as you… you’re being pretty stupid right now.”

 

Armin clenched his fists and turned to Eren as tears burned the corners of his eyes as he did his best to hold them back, “Then I’m stupid! I’m stupid for falling in love with you knowing very well I’m way out of your league! I did my best to try and lose weight for you… I can try again. I’ll do better.”

 

“Ok, first of all there is no league to be in… second you most definitely do not have to lose weight for me in fact I absolutely do not want you to lose weight…”

 

“But I…” He could no longer hold back the tears as Armin slowly broke down, “I am… so messed up. I- I’ve wanted this for so long but I-I don’t deserve you…”

 

Eren sighed in frustration, “You’re not messed up Armin… well if you don’t want to get together then forget it. It’s almost like your trying to reject me in some weird way.”

 

“I’m not it’s just...forget it…” Armin muttered rubbing his eyes to rid himself of the tears, “I’m going to help Mikasa.”

 

“Well…” Eren grit his teeth, “You didn’t think I didn’t notice you obsessing over me?”

 

Armin froze and stopped near the door a sick feeling hit the pit of his stomach.

 

“I’m only being nice to you because I felt bad for you. No one else would ever ask you out…” Eren bit his lip immediately feeling regret for his words but he was beyond frustrated and couldn’t help but take it out on his chubby friend.

 

Armin didn’t know if he could feel any worse than he already was, his stomach twisted in knots and his heart felt crushed, “B-b-but y-you… what about… all those things you said…?”

 

Eren bit the inside of his cheek, he hated saying these things but he was frustrated and was clearly just simply taking it out on Armin, “If you didn’t get the hint yes Armin I like you. I’m attracted to you. I didn’t mean to be angry with you but I’m just so frustrated, ok? Just... spend the evening with me.”

_Why would Eren just come out and say that to him? No one else would ask him out? Eren seems like he is still hiding something._ Was he really truthful with his words or was he really still playing with his emotions. Armin still felt hurt but his infatuation with Eren was much more.

 

_Maybe Eren is right, maybe no one else would want me… I care about him, so what other choice do I have? This might be my only chance to be with anyone…_

 

Armin turned to look at Eren his stomach still twisted in knots, “Alright… we’ll call it a date then?”

 

Eren let out a sigh, “Ok, now stop being so complicated. You’re too cute to be complicated.”

 

_Cute but no one else would ever want to be with me… is he using me?_

 

A small smile crossed the blondes face, “I’ll try my best…”

 

“We could…” Eren pulled the blonde back towards himself and kissed his forehead, “We’ll have a fun evening with the gang… and later… we’ll spend time together here. I have a few ideas what I’d like to do.”

 

“E-Eren!” Armin stared wide eyed up at green with his cheeks flushed.

 

Eren’s hands skillfully glided over Armin’s waist feeling the soft smooth skin between his fingers, “I’ve always wanted to do this…” He whispered into his ear as he slid the shirt up further.

 

“I…I’ve always wanted you…to do this.” Armin blushed and glanced up at Eren.

 

Eren kissed along Armin’s pale neck as he shifted his soft blonde hair behind his ear, “I’d love… if there was more of this…” His hands trailed slowly from Armin’s sides to his stomach tenderly.

 

“Really…?”

 

“Hmm… you have no idea,” Eren let out a small laugh, “Sadly I only went around with Reiner because I was in denial about liking you and…this.” He pressed his fingers into the softness of his stomach, “Don’t take that the wrong way now… I just didn’t want to freak you out like I said.”

 

Armin’s cheeks flushed red, “Are you going to tell Reiner… about us?”

 

“Mmm… I already kind of told him about you and how I thought you were the cute as fuck also he has the hugest crush on Bertolt. Funny isn’t it, both of us were too stupid to say anything to the ones we wanted.” Eren admitted with a sheepish smile.

 

Armin pouted slightly, “So this whole time…” His eyes stung with tears. _I went through so much thinking he would never want to be with me… I did something really horrible and stupid…_ With a breathy sigh Armin did his best to hold back the tears.

 

Eren looked at the blue glossy eyed boy and smiled yet there was this heart felt guilt having toyed with the boy’s emotions and being to chicken to not of told him the truth earlier about how he felt. He tilted his head to the side and all he could think about was being alone with Armin, slowly hand feeding him as they slowly shared tender kisses and massaging touches.

 

This weekend was going to be interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I'm getting to the Eremin moments of the fic! Hurray! But who knows was drama could unfold in the future! Again another short chapter but I love you readers and just want to get chapters out a bit quicker than I have been.
> 
> I've also been thinking of putting out more AU's/Fics in general of chubby Armin fics when I get around to it! (Maybe more Eremin or other pairings - Any pairings you guys want to see? I ship Armin with most of the guys.) There is a serious lack of chubby Armin out there... Need more!
> 
> And last but not least for some extras, I drew some art for my fic. Sorry it's nooooot good at all. :( But I tried drawing chubby Armin.  
> http://oi57.tinypic.com/2vhwrxy.jpg  
> http://oi59.tinypic.com/rhubld.jpg


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I did a bit of editing of chapter 4's ending just to kinda clear a few things up. Sorry for that! I apologize for rushing it.
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT: I apologize to those that found Eren completely OOC... I realized that I went a bit too far. I didn't really think it over and just wanted more drama for Armin. Well, ok, I did some changes earlier than I expected and hope that it's not so bad. I keep into consideration that Eren and Armin have only know each other for about 3 months in this story so... their knowledge base of each other is not 100%. Yet still expect the next chapter to be more angsty on Armin's end.

It was awkward, oh so very awkward. Armin felt nervous as he sat tucked into the corner of the couch and in some ways he just hoped he could disappear. Most of the people Eren had invited were there and some extras which were friends of friends or he assumed so. His gaze kept down to his lap and the talking, music and laughter just seemed like a buzz in his ears.

 

Mikasa was chatting with Annie, Ymir and Krista. Armin had to admit that Mikasa looked beautiful in the white strapless, form fit dress that had a small red belt around her waist. In some ways Armin was jealous of her beauty even though he was a boy he knew how much everyone admired her. She was smart, strong, and brave yet her feminine traits were prominent.

 

A pain of disgust rolled through his body as he compared himself to almost everyone in the room. Why was he even here? Socially he clearly was on a different level than the average person. Yeah, he could talk to someone but holding a common conversation seemed almost impossible. Also Eren was probably right no one else would want him so no one would probably talk to him anyways.

 

_Where is Eren?_ Armin casually looked up around the room in search for his friend. Oh, there he is… He spotted him talking with Reiner and Bertolt close to the kitchen. _Should I just stay here or… should I go talk to him? I wonder what they are talking about…_

Nearly working up the courage to get up he suddenly overheard some small talk nearby which triggered his insecurity even more.

 

‘Who the hell invited the fat blonde over there?’

 

‘He’s just gonna eat all the food, better get something quick or he’ll eat it all…’

 

‘If I was Eren I wouldn’t be caught dead inviting him.’

 

Armin bit his lower lip and sunk down into the couch wishing even more that he could just disappear. _Why?_  Slowly he felt a panic attack surface throughout his body. _  
_

“Hey Armin, good to see you here.”

 

Blue eyes blinked absentmindedly as he looked up at a familiar face, “Oh, hey Marco…” He said in a quiet whisper, “I really actually should go, sorry.” He forced back his tears and steadied himself as he got up from the couch.

 

“Go? We barely get to hang out, you don’t need to leave. A lot of the gang wants to get to know you better… Even Jean, right Jean?” Marco stressed Jean’s name as he turned to the tall boy who was staring off around the room.

 

“Yeah…Yeah, well Eren’s parties are boring,” Jean shrugged and took a drink of out of the cup he held.

 

Armin smiled slightly and tried to hold his gaze to Marco, “Well, I had… a lot of homework… and I need to catch up on some things p-plus… I-I just um… I’m sorry, maybe another time?”

 

“Armin, do you not like us…?” Marco nearly had a pout form on his lips.

 

“T-that’s not it… I-I’ll stay, but… I’m just going to go get something to drink…ok?” With a small nod from Marco, Armin went towards the kitchen then slowly turned around noticing Eren was gone. With a sigh he turned his gaze downward.

 

_I guess he really was just messing with me… just like everyone else… I really should go. I feel like a complete idiot letting myself believe I could fit in. I’m just that pathetic…. I don’t seem to belong anywhere._ Armin went for the coat closet and grabbed his jacket and accessories then slowly slipped outside.

 

The air was cold and it quickly stole the warmth from his body. Slowly he stepped down the small steps to the Yaeger home and sat at the bottom finally feeling his body crumble from the stress and anxiety. The tears felt cold against his cheeks as they ran freely from his blue eyes and he took in deep sobbing breathes wishing he could just make all the pain disappear.

 

It was dark and the only light was the small porch one which slightly illuminated the outside of the house. _Maybe everyone would be better off without me, no more cruel words, and wouldn’t be a burden to anyone anymore. I just can’t trust anyone… maybe I should have just died with my parents. Everyone would be so much happier…_

The sobbing intensified to the point where Armin felt himself gasping for breath in between the violent sobbing. _Am I really just some ugly disgusting freak to everyone…? Why… Why me? Am I really that repulsive that I’m just on everyone’s joke list? Even complete strangers who barely even know me…_

A chilling breeze brushed up against Armin and he timidly pulled his arms around himself trying to provide himself with some sort of imaginative warmth. The tears slowly stopped and only soft sniffling was left coming from the chubby frame.

 

_Ok, all these thoughts are making me go insane… What should I do? I could walk home… but it’s freezing and dark. If I just sit here I’ll freeze to death… But if I go back in there I’ll just be the joke of the party. Maybe I should just stop being such a baby and ask Eren if everything he said was some joke. I thought things might get better between us but what if he’s messing with me. He might turn on me like everyone else… can I trust Eren?_

Armin felt a cold chill piece through his body and he started to shiver. With a long drawn out sigh he stood up and looked back at the doorway. Not like anything could get any worse than it already is. His composure seemed to settle back to his normal timid self and his anxiety attack had more or less disappeared.

 

Surely no one noticed he was gone. He shoved his jacket back into the closet and sighed. Eren was no longer where he was when he left so Armin simply lingered around the kitchen feeling rather thirsty he simply decided to help himself to something to drink.

 

“Armin,” Mikasa approached the blonde, a small smile on her face, “Are you enjoying yourself? You disappeared for a bit there. I came to see if you were ok.”

 

“Mmm… I’m fine,” A lie, of course but he would hate to be a bother to someone kind like Mikasa, “I went to get some fresh air and now just getting a drink.” He shrugged casually hoping that even with her quick wit that she wouldn’t be suspicious of his demeanor. “By the way Mikasa… have you seen Eren?”

 

Her lips pressed tightly together and then she sighed, “I… seen him head down to his room with Reiner and Bert.” She gently grasped Armin’s hand, “You should come join us.”

 

“Well… I’m not sure,” Armin muttered keeping his gaze away from Mikasa’s, “I really… don’t think I should.”

 

Mikasa sighed, “Now why not? You were invited too as our friend… don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” Her grip on his hand tightened almost as if she was afraid he’d run.

 

“Eren… said he liked me…” He brushed his lips against the edge of his cup he was drinking from and his voice was quiet almost in whisper, “But it’s like… nevermind...”

 

Gently Mikasa brushed her other hand pushing some strands of hair behind her ear, “Really? I told you… you two would be cute together…” A smile formed on her lips, “Are you sure everything is ok?”

 

“Well, it’s just… I’m scared. I’ve never had anyone tell me they liked me before. Maybe I just don’t really know what to say or think.”

 

“Oh Armin… I know Eren can be difficult… we can talk to him together if it would make you feel better. Tell him how you feel, I’m sure he’ll understand and you both can take things slow. Maybe once everyone goes home, how does that sound?”

 

_Why did Mikasa have to be so sweet?_

 

“M-maybe, w-we’ll see…” Armin adored Mikasa like she was his own sister but wasn’t really in the mood to talk about Eren anymore.  Yet in some ways he wished he was back in his own room alone and away from all the noisy people.

 

“Wait…” Her voice was soft and concerned as she tilted her head to look Armin in the eyes, “Have you been crying…?”

 

“N-no… I-I’m just not feeling well. Is there somewhere I can go lie down?”

 

“Oh of course Armin, the guest room, you know where it is right?”

 

Armin smiled weakly, “Yes, I do… thanks Mikasa.” Slowly he pulled away from the girl and made his way through the crowd of people and down the hall. He paused at Eren’s door and bit his lip slightly then quietly leaned up against the door gently only to stumble into the room as it was opened abruptly.

 

A small squeak escaped his lips as he stumbled forward, “Armin?” He heard Eren question, “What are you doing?”

 

Blue eyes glanced up to see Reiner and Bertolt by the door looking down at him, “Uh… Hi… I, uh, was just… looking for Eren… yeah.”

 

Reiner chuckled slightly, “He’s all yours Arlert.”

 

A blush spread across Armin’s cheeks and Reiner and Bertolt retreated to another room or he assumed that’s where they headed. _What am I doing? Can I face Eren right now? Oh god why does it smell like alcohol in here…  Has Eren been drinking, really?_

“Mmm, shut the door Ar,” Eren motioned for the blonde to close the door which he did quickly and then simply stood awkwardly unsure  as to what he should say or rather expect from Eren where he had been drinking. He wasn’t sure how much but given how random Eren had been lately it made him nervous. “Come sit.”

 

“Um,” Armin started as he approached the bed, “S-so… ”

 

Eren cut him off, “Party is kind of boring, isn’t it?”

 

Armin swallowed dryly, “No… I just… well I don’t like crowds. I don’t know a lot of the people so I got kind of uncomfortable.”

 

“Jean better not be giving you a hard time…”

 

Armin sat at the side of the bed his back facing away from Eren, “I-I…” A sigh escaped his lips. “No…Jean is fine… he’s with Marco… It’s just… other people.” _I don’t want to drag Eren into any of this… I like Eren a lot… I mean I always have. I should just keep everything to myself. I’d rather not cause any problems._

Slowly Armin turned his gaze over to Eren who was simply just staring at him. He watched his friend take a drink of whatever had, to Armin it smelled awful but he didn’t really want to pry. “You look so doom and gloom Ar…”

 

The blonde tensed his body, “It’s nothing, I’m just really tired.” Armin’s voice seemed so flat and lifeless as he spoke but he forced up the best smile he could for Eren.

 

“Mmm…” A low hum escaped Eren’s lips and he put his drink down on the night stand then pulled himself closer to the blonde, “You’re too cute…” He whispered into Armin’s ear as a hand snaked around him and slowly and gently caressed the exposed skin causing the blonde to tense slightly from the touch.

 

“E-Eren… s-stop,” Armin pulled away slightly and bit his lower lip, “I-I’m not really comfortable… with that.”

 

“I’m just touching you Ar… Come on. You’re not comfortable around me?” Pushing some hair away, Eren laid soft kisses along the other boy’s neck gently.

 

“I-It’s just… you’ve been drinking a bit so you are not really acting yourself,” Armin fidgeted slightly and attempted to get up from the bed only to have Eren pulling him back down, “Eren, maybe I should go back to the party.”

 

“Psh, the party is lame… stay, please besides I didn’t drink much at all,” Eren’s advances progressed and their lips connected sloppily only to have Armin attempt to shove him aside, “What the hell Armin…”

 

“I-I’m sorry, I really am but… I’m really nervous…”

 

“Well get comfortable, lay back on the bed… I’ll make you relax…”

 

“I don’t know Eren… but ok…ok,” Slowly Armin crawled back onto the bed and lay back gently and glanced up with nervous eyes, “S-so…um…are you sure we shouldn’t go back to the party?”

 

Eren moved across the bed hovering over Armin with a smile across his face, “Nah… I,” Kiss, “Have,” Kiss, “Something…” A hand trailed over Armin’s stomach, “Better in mind…”

 

Armin’s cheeks flushed red due to Eren’s advances, “B-B-But…”

 

“Shh… Just relax Ar…” Eren’s hands pushed Armin’s top up, “Mm…You know… you’ve gained a lot of weight…” His hands rubbed the soft stomach then up to his chest and arms, “Everywhere…”

 

Armin shut his eyes and felt his face burn with embarrassment not really sure how he should feel about Eren’s words, “I… I’m sorry…”

 

“Don’t apologize so damn much…” Eren muttered with a frown his hands tugging at the waistband of Armin’s pants, “When I first met you… I was so conflicted. I watched you eat you were so adorable, I didn’t think a boy could be so cute. Than you just got so chubby, I was just… so confused… I was attracted to you. I wanted to see more of you.”

 

“Y-You really do like me… l-like this?” Armin stuttered in between small breathes as Eren touched the sensitivityparts of his skin.

 

“Of course I do…” Armin could see a faint red tint cross Eren’s cheeks, “You might object but… I wouldn’t be against you gaining more weight Ar… I could… help you…”

 

Armin was certain his whole body was red with embarrassment, “I-I…w-well…” _Just say no, he’s only doing this to torment you in some way. After tonight he’ll probably tease you like everyone else does._ Armin cut his thoughts off for a second then a small sigh escaped his lips, _but in some ways I … want this._

 

Eren was now straddling him and he could officially tell that Eren was turned on by all this. Green eyes so seductive and lustful, “Please Armin…” Leaning down slightly Eren pressed his lips against the blondes.

 

“I… can’t Eren…” Armin muttered as Eren pulled away from the kiss, “I was… trying to do the opposite…”

 

Eren sighed and pulled himself off the blonde boy seeming to hold a pout across his lips, “So… I’m not attracted to skinny twigs… besides that… y-you’re fine the way you are. You don’t need to be like the rest of this idiotic world.”

 

Armin propped himself up slightly with his elbows, “Eren… I...” _Stop being stupid, stop being so stupid. If I want Eren than I should do what he wants, right? But at the same time Eren just seems so… attracted to me being… well… like this. What should I do? Should I just keep disregard my own feelings…?_

“You keep changing your mind Armin… but secretly I can see you want this too,” Eren glanced over his shoulder to see his companions blushing face.

 

“W-well…maybe… I don’t know…” _I just don’t want to be treated like crap… I want to be beautiful. I want to… look at myself with pride. I want to make… everyone proud of me and at the same time I just want to scream and give up…_ Armin looked into his friend’s eyes, “I’ll do whatever you want. I won’t change my mind, I promise…”

 

“If you say so, maybe I’ll give you time to think about it,” To Armin, Eren almost sounded annoyed, like for some reason didn’t believe him, “Hmm, I’m going to head back to the party for a bit, you look exhausted, you can rest here if you want to…” Eren stood up and looked down at the still flushed boy.

 

Armin sat up, “Alright… Have fun Eren…”

 

Eren took one last look at the now pouting blonde on his bed. _Fuck, what am I doing? What am I thinking? Ugh, I am officially an idiot. Why am I making this so complicated. I know I’m forcing so much on him. I adore the way he looks, the way he feels and that sweet innocent smile that I never see enough of. What am I doing…?_

_I’m just trying to make this easy for the both of us right… This is the best choice… I’m not being too selfish. Maybe I’ll ask Mikasa or maybe she’ll just scold me. Well, ok, forget that for now, onto project: Spoil Armin!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On another note, I do love all my readers and very much appreciate the feedback I get. The changes I made to the chapter will not impact Armin's internal conflict. Which is the base point of the story. :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I'm super excited to get another chapter out so soon! Go me! Don't worry Eren is gonna be such a sweetie! Enjoy!

“Ehh, Mikasa… can I ask you something?”

 

Eren shoved a bunch of garbage into a bag and looked over at his sister who was doing the same, “Of course Eren.” Her gaze turned towards her brother, she tied the bag up and tossed it to the pile.

 

“I think I did something really, really stupid,” He mumbled slumping down on the couch, “Just an ‘fyi’ I really suck at relationships.”

 

Mikasa gently sat next to him on the couch with a long drawn out sigh, “Is this about Armin?”

 

Eren let out a groan of leaned back onto the couch, “I think he’s upset with me. I was a little buzzed from the alcohol and I kinda said some stupid things…” He could see her piercing stare out of the corner of his eye, “Ok, I know you said no alcohol… but Reiner got some… Please don’t scold me Mikasa, I’ve just been kinda stressed.”

 

“Mmm… you know there’s better things to do than drown your sorrows with drinking. It’s not a good habit to get into when you’re having problems. You know very well you can come to me like you used to when you were little…” Eren could see the sadness in her eyes as she spoke, “I know Carla and Grisha have been strict on you lately but that’s only because they care.”

 

“Yeah, yeah… I know and I’ve been taking out my frustrations in the wrong way. If I tell you this promise you won’t kick my ass,” Eren bit on his thumbnail and tried to look innocently at his sister.

 

“Depends, Eren, what did you do?” She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.

 

“Nnn… I might of kind of… maybe hurt Armin’s feelings.”

 

“What?” Mikasa fidgeted slightly on the couch, “What did you do to him…?”

 

Eren bit his lip, “I didn’t do anything. I just told him he was-well,” Eren’s cheeks held a small red tint, “Beautiful… but I don’t think he liked that. I mean, it was a compliment… but still it’s like he’s terrified around me. I have no idea why.”

 

“Well, Armin hasn’t been himself lately,” Mikasa was never one to miss something that could have been going on but right now Armin’s current behavior stumped her, “He is very distant and out of sorts lately. I know that he has been trouble with some people at school… I also see him going to Ms. Ral’s office as of late.”

 

“I know that… I do,” Eren ran a hand through his hair, “I just… don’t know what to say around him. Anytime I say anything he gets emotional. I want to help but I don’t know how.” Gradually he shrunk down into the couch, “So what can I do to fix this…?”

 

“Oh Eren, I just know us as Armin’s friends, need to support him in any way possible,” With another sigh Mikasa rubbed her forehead, “I know last year you had a rough time with the teasing and you got really depressed but Armin is our friend and no matter what happens we should be there for him. It’s not good for him to spend so much time alone.”

 

“Yeah… I fell for Armin the moment I seen him. I like everything about him… I told him that. But I don’t think he believes me.” Eren mumbled.

 

“Well considering he’s been teased nearly day one since he came to school. I think he’s just very insecure and we should do whatever we can to ease it. So it depends, what does he want to do? I know perfectly well it’s a body image issue,” Mikasa gazed with dark eyes at her troubled brother, “He seemed happy until the teasing intensified… and then he began avoiding everyone…”

 

Eren groaned, “I… will shamefully admit I love his body… and I didn’t want to act on it. So I went for someone the total opposite. I mean telling someone you care about that you like them fat. Yeah that would so go over well.”

 

“Oh Eren,” Mikasa reached out to hug her brother. “Next time when you’re feeling overwhelmed just talk to me about it.

 

“You’re right,” Eren’s cheeks then flushed at the thought of Armin, “He’s just so…soft and cute.”

 

Mikasa let out a small laugh, “To be honest when you started going out with Reiner I was quite surprised. I was convinced you were into the soft and sweet ones not those burley tough guys.”  She was not the type to tease but she really just wanted to cheer Eren up, “I’m just glad you’re figuring things out… even though it seems a bit messy.”

 

“Yeah… you’re right Mikasa. I can’t believe all this time I’ve been denying it all this time…  It took a lot not to beat all those jerks to a pulp that tease him. I just know if I get into more fights Mom and Dad would not be happy with me.”

 

“I know it’s hard but if we support each other we can fight the battle in our own way. As I said if you ever need to let things out I’m here for you. The same goes for Armin it’s not healthy to keep bottling up emotions inside.” She then glanced around the room, “Speaking of which Is Armin in your room?”

 

“Oh, uh… yeah, he wasn’t feeling well or so he said so I let him get some rest. I want to make him feel better… so I might go see how he’s doing.”

 

Mikasa raised an eyebrow her arms still firmly crossed in front of her chest, “You better…”

 

“Hm… hey did Annie leave?”

 

“No, she’s staying. She went to have a shower right now.” A small blush appeared on her cheeks as she spoke, “Ahem…but I do think you should get back to Armin.”

 

“You will be helping me clean the rest of this up in the morning by the way.” Mikasa shot a glare at her brother.

 

“Ahhh… I will,” Eren made a disgusted face but quickly turned into a small smile, “Thanks Mikasa…”

 

She stood up from the couch and looked down at the boy also holding a small but genuine smile, “Anytime.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Slowly Armin’s eyes fluttered open and felt a sense of disorientation. The realization hit him slowly as he remembered where he was, Eren’s room. His body felt tired and clumsy as he sat upward. His stomach growled with hunger as he tried to recall when he last ate something. The conflict between his body and mind began as his body ached to sustain itself.

 

He couldn’t shake the feeling of self-hatred was stronger than ever. Not to mention his body just craved food right now and he knew in the back of his mind he had to.

 

Glancing over to the clock the bright red numbers read 2am and he groaned inwardly and judging by how quiet it was the party must be over. Gently he pulled himself to the side of the bed and dangled his legs over the side. Just as he was about to get up he heard the door creak open and a small amount of light filtered into the room causing Armin to shield his eyes slightly.

 

“E-Eren?” Armin questioned his voice slightly cracked and weak due to still being groggy from sleep.

 

Eren quickly shut the door behind him, “Yeah, It’s me…”

 

 Armin could hear Eren drop stuff down onto the floor then placed something onto the nightstand, “Did… you have fun out there…?” He could slightly see Eren’s figure through the darkness than he felt the bed shift slightly as Eren sat down next to him.

 

“No… Not exactly,” Eren’s voice felt sad somehow and he wondered why.

 

“O-Oh… sorry to hear that,” As he spoke he felt Eren’s hand grasp his own, “Are… you ok?”

 

“I just… was worried about you,” Eren started than there was a pause and Armin assumed that Eren was contemplating what to say next, “I was… afraid you hated me.”

 

“No… Eren of course I don’t hate you…Why would you think that?”

 

Eren tightened the grip he had on the blonde’s hand, “Well… just everything I’ve said to you about wanting you to…” His voice trailed off as his hand left the hand and encircled around his waist caressing the plush skin.

 

“Gain weight… yeah… I know…” Armin’s voice whispered.

 

“Yeah… sorry about that… but I thought maybe if we… tried it and… if you didn’t like it than I’ll support you in whatever you choose,” Eren felt embarrassed still with the current, well, kink for Armin’s weight. His eyes gazed through the dark looking over at the beautiful blonde hair still seeming to shimmering slightly in the darkness.

 

“Alright…” He said softly in response.

 

“Really…?” Eren turned the nightstand light on causing a decent amount of light to fill the once dark room.

 

Armin rubbed his eyes and whined from the intrusive light, “E-reeen…” His lips pouted and Eren couldn’t help but let out a humored laugh. His blue eyes glanced down at the varied packages of sweets and the cheesecake that set on the nightstand and his stomach to his annoyance growled with anticipation.  Armin’s cheeks flushed due to the unwanted sound and it only caused Eren to let out another laugh.

 

“Too cute,” Was all Eren said as he grabbed the plate of cheesecake, jabbed a spoonful of it and held it out to the brightly blushing blonde, “S-sorry if this is awkward…”

 

Armin smiled slightly as he turned to face Eren and then leaned in curving his lips around the spoon and taking the contents into his mouth with a small content sigh. He wasn’t going to lie, he was starving and the cheesecake was absolutely delicious. A small content hum rolled off his tongue as he savored the flavor along his taste buds.

 

This continued for quite some time and both boys were mostly quiet aside from the blonde’s satisfied sighs. Armin seemed like he was almost in a daze as he casually looked up into Eren’s beautiful eyes which looked to be filled with kindness and care. Although he was quickly pulled out of his mindless gaze as Eren spoke, “A-and… it’s gone…” Both boys wore a bright red blush across their cheeks as the last bite was taken in by the blonde.

 

Armin bit his lip slightly looking down at his slightly more bulged stomach which caused his shirt to indefinitely ride up showing its fullness, “S…so…” It felt officially awkward.

 

Eren only smiled as he put the empty plate back on the nightstand and then his attention fully back on the other boy. His hands went to Armin’s sides casually rubbing along the love handles that where prominently sticking out due to the tightness of his pants. “Cute…” Was all Eren managed to say entranced by the bloated stomach.

 

Armin still tensed from physical content but he knew Eren would be gentle so it didn’t bother him as much as it did at first also the cheesecake was filling and satisfying so it helped him relax slightly better. His gaze turned to the now nonexistent cheesecake and a pout formed on his lips. _Now I wish I would have brought more…_

 

Eren chuckled slightly, “You’re adorable you know that. I remember when I used to hang out at your place… you’d always be nibbling on something.” He poked the blonde lightly on the stomach, “Cake, or mostly cookies…”

 

“I…w-well…j-just… sometimes ate when I was stressed… o-or bored… I guess.” Armin bashfully looked back up at Eren, “B-besides my Grandpa’s baking is so addicting…”

 

“I suppose always having freshly baked food around would be hard to resist, hm?” Ever so slightly Eren jiggled Armin’s soft belly causing him to instantly flinch backward.

 

“E-Eren s-stop!” A small squeak broke out of the blondes lips in surprise.

 

“Awh… but…” Eren rubbed the back of his head casually, “Sorry…”

 

Armin sunk back further towards the headboard of the bed and leaned back into the comfort of the pillows, “Don’t be…” He turned slightly and snuggled up against them with a yawn.

 

Eren smiled slightly and crawled across the bed and lay down next to the sleepy blonde, “I s’pose it’s late…” A sigh of relaxation escaped his lips as he pressed against the comfort of the bed. “Goodnight Ar…” He whispered before shutting the light off and drifting off to sleep.

 

“G’night…” Armin sighed as he watched Eren fall asleep, which seemed almost instant. He was exhausted but at the same time he really knew he couldn’t fall asleep just yet. A hand casually connected down across his middle and his mind just took over.

 

_How stupid am I… what am I doing? Why? Why?! Why?! He’s lying… he’s lying… I am disgusting… Why am I so stupid? Get rid of it… get rid of it… He’s going to make me into more of a joke than I already am._

Gingerly Armin got up from the bed and tip toed towards the bathroom and gently shut the door. Taking in deep breaths he glanced up at the mirror and instantly felt disgust. _Again I’m tormented by this same stupid round face, pudgy nose, and ugly body… everything. Eren has to be messing with me… there’s no way he’d like this… I can’t trust him… I can’t…_

Slowly he approached the toilet and bent down. _I have to do this…_ Tears pricked his eyes as he forced himself to rid the food from his body. It hurt, burned and was relatively terrifying. His entire body shook and the tears were now fully flowing.

 

After he finished he flushed than slumped back up against the wall with a discomfort groan but even with that he convinced himself it was worth it and that everyone else was wrong. Everyone wanted him to be fat and ugly. Everyone. _I can still fix this… I just need to be more careful. No one can find out this time. No matter what, I can’t fail this time! I’m can outsmart them all this time. I can be strong._

The tears continued to fall and the emotional pain was harsh but he told himself it was worth it and that it would get better. The guilt of everything was overwhelming and panic was sure to follow. He slid down onto his side and curled up on the floor letting the soft sobs and tears to fully erupt from his body.

 

Pure hatred and disgust for himself was the only feeling he could feel right now…

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey…”

 

_Stop kicking me…_ Armin groaned as he started to curl into himself.

 

“Some of us actually have to use the bathroom…”

 

_Eh, bathroom?_ His eyes quickly fluttered open and his body ached slightly. Realization hit him; he must have fallen asleep in the bathroom. _How embarrassing… and who the hell is kicking me._

“Ugh, do I need to drag you out?”

 

“Annie…?”

 

With a sigh she responded with a simple yes and helped Armin up off of the floor, “You ok?”

 

“Yeah…” His head ached and he rubbed his forehead, “Sorry… what time is it…?”

 

Annie observed the blonde boy curiously, “It’s still early your boyfriend is probably still asleep… you should sleep in there and not on a cold floor.”

 

“I-I know that… it just happened,” His eyes gazed over at Annie her eyes full of suspicion, “A-anyway... um- yeah…” Her eyes continued to stare into him like a burning hole. It was relatively difficult to look her in the eyes and he was scared that she could just read right through his thoughts.

 

She leaned to one side placing a hand on her hip, “Yeah and I still need to use the bathroom so do you mind?”

 

“O-Oh…y-yes… I’m sorry,” Armin scurried out of the bathroom and flinched as the door slammed shut behind him. _I know she comes off cold but she really is nice… I’m happy Mikasa has her._

 

_What should I do…? Maybe go try and sleep. I don’t want to wake Eren up though…_

 

Armin slowly clicked open the door and slipped inside. The room was still rather dark due to the curtains that were tightly shut together but he managed to slip back into the room without stirring the sleeping boy. A smiled formed on his face at the sight and he did his best to slip onto the bed beside his new boyfriend.

 

“Eren…” He whispered softly tracing the outline of the other boys jaw with his fingertips.

 

Eren let out a slight groan and shifted sliding a hand instinctively around Armin, “Mmm… Ar… back to sleep…” Slowly he pressed his lips up against Armin’s and he snuggled up closer.

 

“Sorry…if I woke you,”

 

Eren groaned again, “S’ok… this headache though…sucks,” Slowly he rubbed his hand soothingly up and down the other boy’s side, “You’re so cold…”

 

“O-oh yeah… I guess I am,” Armin muttered slightly doing his best to relax into Eren’s touch.

 

“You’re beautiful…” Eren whispered into his ear moving his hand to push Armin’s hair behind his ear looking observing his features through the darkness.

 

“S-stop… I’m not… please don’t say that,” With a frustrated sigh Armin turned around on the bed his back facing away from the other boy.

 

Eren in turn pulled himself closer to the blonde firmly pressed up against his back as he laced an arm around his waist, “It’s true… you have such soft skin, beautiful eyes and such delicate features.”

 

“…Like a girl…” His voice was stiff and almost disconnected from his normal tone, “So don’t say stupid things to remind me.”

 

Eren breathed a sigh into the blonde’s hair, “Why are you so down on yourself…?”

 

“I’m not…” Armin mumbled, “I’m being truthful. I’d rather not be humored into thinking otherwise. That would be a bit silly.”

 

“Whatever Armin… No matter what you say it will never change my mind,”Eren hugged tighter onto his new boyfriend and took a deep breath taking in the scent of his hair.

 

Armin fell silent and his body stiffened since he really didn’t want to be touched right now, not that he hated Eren doing so, he just hated the feeling of his own body so it was uncomfortable having anyone touch it. In a way he just really wanted to push Eren away but he just couldn’t do it since he didn’t want to be questioned.

 

“Sorry…” Armin whispered feeling a bit guilty at the same time.

 

“Mmm… its fine, Oh, I brought in some chocolates last night… want some…?” Eren kissed along Armin’s shoulder.

 

Armin shrugged him away slightly, “Eren… no. I don’t…”

 

“What’s wrong Armin…? Do you not like me? You keep shoving me away like you’re repulsed by me,” Swiftly Eren pulled away from the boy and sat up looking down at him with a pout.

 

“Eren I… that’s not it…” Armin sat up as well looking at Eren, “It’s… not you.”

 

“Well, you kind of just… pull away every time I touch you and you don’t really seem to want to touch me either. So what exactly is going on?” Eren didn’t look angry, but more so held a saddened expression.

 

“Eren… it’s complicated…”

 

“So is life, just tell me.”

 

Armin didn’t know what to say, he just stared downward fumbling nervously with the comforter on the bed. With quick thinking he let out a sigh, “It’s… my first relationship… I’m nervous… that’s all.”

 

Eren let out a sigh of relief, “Is that all…? Don’t scare me like that. That’s perfectly fine. As I said before just relax.”

 

“Yeah… sorry,” Armin muttered softly keeping his stare downward, “Uhm… how about we get breakfast, ok?”

 

Eren groaned, “But bed…comfy…” He slumped back down onto the bed hugging his pillow.

 

Armin couldn’t help but smile, “I could… make us something. You stay in bed.”

 

“Mmmm… you’re so sweet Armin… sounds like a plan,” Eren grinned widely at the blonde boy.

 

“Yeah…”

 

With that Armin left the room quietly, he shut the door gently behind himself and let out a sigh. All of his self-hatred boiled up deep inside but he did his best to keep his composure. Everything around him seemed overwhelming and terrifying. He could feel another panic attack surfacing through his body and he dreaded having to spend the day putting on the most fake smile ever.

 

_I can do this…_

 

* * *

 

 

The weekend had pretty much gone by in a blur and strangely for Armin being late was becoming a common occurrence. Kneeling down in the bathroom stall hovering over the porcelain bowl forcing up whatever food he had in his system.

 

Slowly he stumbled out rubbing his forehead due to the oncoming headache he was definitely going to have. He stopped mid step as he glanced up finding that sometime during his bathroom trip some people had made their way inside. _Shit_ , Armin thought noting that he despised most of these people, the tormentors, and the ones that made him insecure every waking moment while at school. He didn’t care to know their names or who they were just that they were idiots.

 

Doing his best to ignore them he took a few steps to the sink washing his hands casually trying to ignore their presence. _Why the hell won’t they just go away? I’m really not in the mood… They probably heard me but I don’t care right now._  Drying his hands he tossed the paper without a word as he approached the door which was now being blocked by one of the guys, which Armin could only sigh in frustration and mutter softly under his breath, “Can you move please…?”

 

“Tch, you think what you did is going to help you?” The one Armin now simply named douchebag one said shoving the blonde back.

 

Armin stumbled back into one of the other boys who gripped onto his arms a little too tightly, “It’s clearly none of your business. I’m late for class so I’d be happy if you would all just back off.” He knew that words were really not going to help the situation but what other options did he have.

 

“Oh, so you want us to let you go? But don’t you think the public needs an update on fatty Arlert? Since Jean’s being a pussy now, how about I take over?” He pulled out his phone and focused it on the blonde whose expression was now turning to panic.

 

“W-what? S-seriously… please let me go… This is stupid…” Armin bit his lip after he spoke and his stare was now plastered to the floor.

 

“Hn, whatever…”

 

Armin cringed, then pushed and did his best to pull away from the one he called douchebag two while the third one pulled his dress shirt open revealing the rounded soft skin. Eventually he felt a sharp shrill pain rise through his body as he was pushed violently into the wall. He slid down slightly and yelped with pain as a foot collided into his side.

 

Then he heard it the clicking of the phone camera taking unwanted pictures.

 

“S-stop!” Armin couldn’t take this anymore. He was filled with so much anger but at the same time the tears of sadness and pain were definitely flowing.

 

He heard laughing and talking but he couldn’t really decipher what anyone was saying he just couldn’t believe this was happening again. He knew he couldn’t fight back and his words would only make them angrier so he sat on the floor his gaze still pined to the floor.

 

“Hey Arlert soon you might have your own fan club!” One of them said with the most hint of sarcasm he had ever heard.

 

“We got enough, come on guy’s let’s go.”

 

Armin did the best he could not to scream at them but the words just flew out of him in anger, “Y-You’re all just pathetic losers! Y-you don’t even know me and you treat me like garbage! I-I can’t take this anymore!” His hands curled into fists onto his lap and he heard them stop, “Just… don’t show those pictures to anyone. Please.”

 

“Trying to be a smart ass?”

 

A foot collided with his left arm and side and Armin left out another pained gasp as it continued numerous times then as he did his best to curl into a ball to shield himself as he felt it continue. The pain was unbearable but they seemed to avoid his face probably trying not to wound him in any visible areas.

 

The tears stained his face but his sobs were silent and held in until they finished their assault. Eventually he heard them leave and he finally let out a pained hurtful cry as he hugged onto himself thinking it would dull the pain. _I hate them so much, but I hate myself more. If I wasn’t a complete helpless loser this wouldn’t have happened but I am so… I deserved this somehow._

Stiffly he pulled himself up swiping his face and eyes roughly with one sleeve and took in a deep breath before buttoning up his shirt. Armin grabbed ahold of the nearby sink and pulled himself up wincing in pain as he struggled to stand.

 

Everything hurt, everything just felt like a struggle. Well at least the physical pain was becoming more overwhelming then his mental pain he was currently going through. It gratefully gave him a chance to dull his inner thoughts. He struggled to put himself together and when satisfied he approached the door. _I probably look like shit... but that’s nothing knew anyways… I always look hideous._

Armin grits his teeth together to hold back the pain as he walked down the empty school hallway. He stopped in front of the doorway to his classroom and took a deep breath trying to focus both mind and body. Carefully he pulled the door open slightly and slipped inside.

 

“You’re late,” He heard Levi stating the obvious in his usual tone.

 

“S-sorry sir… I was running late this morning…” Armin made his way to his seat and sat down carefully yet still feeling a slight twinge of pain even still. Carefully he pulled out his books and glanced slightly over at Eren who sent him a smile yet his eyes were showing a hint of concern at the same time.

 

Armin turned back to his book and let the hair hang over his face feeling insecure and trying to hide the pained expression he now wore.

 

What a great start to another week. It was only a matter of time before it got worse… or maybe he just was asking for it trying to act tough with words. Either way he blamed himself for everything. The bullying, the horrible grades and the utter disgust for himself, it was clearly all his fault or rather that’s what he imprinted into his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved the feedback I got. It helped a ton, I'm glad it was pointed out to me otherwise I think everything would have gone downhill. But as Armin falls back into old habits he'll have to be a bit more clever about it with those watchful eyes on him. ;) His anxiety and mindset is very negative and he has a hard time getting things together and just simply being a very emotional teen doesn't help. Also new tormentors... and more drama to unfold. I'm so busy but I hope the chapter turned out ok. PLUS... I will consider making more art for the fic if I have time! :) <3 you all!
> 
> ALSO....sorry if it's short!! :(


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter isn't overly boring. I'm having a horrible writing block... also the story will probably be coming to an end soonish. I don't want it to get overly boring for everyone. So please enjoy!

Armin didn’t really like this, but he really couldn’t get out of it now that he was dating Eren. He sat uncomfortably next to Eren in the lunch room listening to the chatter of the casual conversations. Eren had bought him lunch and he stared down at it with hatred and gradually started to pick at it with a fork. Honestly Armin didn’t want to be there but he was doing this for his boyfriend.

 

Green eyes turned and focused on him, “Don’t like the food?”

 

“Oh… I-it’s fine. I’m just not very hungry. Sorry.” Armin gave a gentle smile.

 

Just as Eren returned to take a bite of the pizza he had his phone beeped. He took a moment and tapped it with his free hand than froze. Slowly he lowered it down and looked over at his boyfriend who sat quietly beside him.

 

“Ar?” Eren asked looking back down at the boy.

 

Armin bit his lip slightly and looked up at Eren, “Y-yeah…?”

 

“Were you late for class because some assholes tormented you? I just got some stupid message from someone with pictures…” Eren sounded furious, obviously not at him but his expression was tense, “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

 

Armin shrunk down some more and cringed due to Eren causing more unnecessary attention from nearby people focused on them, “Please Eren… don’t make a big deal of this. It just…happened. I’m fine, it’s fine… alright?”

 

“It is a big deal and it is not fine…” Eren clenched his teeth as he fumed with anger, “I’m so going to beat the shit out of them.”

 

Across from them Mikasa glanced at her phone clearly getting the same message that Eren got and reached across grabbing one of Eren’s wrists, “No… Eren,” She looked over at Armin, “Are you ok…?”

 

“S…so everyone is starting to get the texts, I guess I should be getting used to it,” Armin shrugged slightly and muttered, “I’m fine. Don’t make a big deal out of it.”

 

“It is a big deal…” Eren growled, “I don’t want this happening again. It’s all Jean’s fault for starting it…” He added with a fierce glare he sent towards Jean.

 

“Eren… It’s nothing new… please don’t over react…” Armin put a hand gently on his arm, “I probably deserved it.”

 

“Deserved it? Armin are you listening to yourself? Look… from now on I’m never leaving your side…” Eren grabbed the blonde’s hand possessively, “I’ll protect you…”

 

“I don’t need protecting…” Armin sighed, “I can look after myself you know.”

 

“I know that…I do… but this is getting stupid. I want to do something…” Eren muttered with a pout.

 

Armin shut his eyes and wanted to scream, his body throbbed with pain and his thoughts were spinning in circles. He pushed up from his chair and pulled his hand out of Erens grasp, “What’s done is done… forget about it, ok? I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

 

“You sound like your just giving up… you have to stand up for yourself Armin, like I always tell you… confidence,” Eren stood up and looked down at his boyfriend.

 

 _Seriously Eren, back off…_ “I’m going home,” Armin stated turning away from his boyfriend tugging his backpack over one shoulder.

 

“Armin!” Eren pulled out from the table and took off after Armin feeling worry take over. He quickly spotted the blonde heading towards the exit and sprinted quickly up to him, “Hey, Armin. Come on… I can help you… just please talk to me. Please don’t push me away…”

 

Armin felt moody every emotion fighting to push itself outward in a tangled mess. His gaze stuck to the door in front of him as he let out a long drawn out sigh trying to ease the emotions he was sitting on, “Eren, I don’t mean to push you away. I just don’t want to drag you down with me.”

 

Arms gingerly wrapped around his shoulders and Eren leaned down to whisper in his ear, “Remember when… you stood up for me that day with Jean. I was the one who caused all this… I know you’re so brave Armin but… you shouldn’t have to deal with this on your own. I want to stand up for you too. As long as we’re together no one else matters.” He pressed a tender kiss to the top of Armin’s head taking in the gentle clean scent of his hair.

 

Armin flinched from the touch feeling a slight twinge of pain from the earlier encounter but quickly bit his lip to hold back the small yelp of pain that nearly escaped his lips, “Eren… I… just don’t want you getting hurt,” He turned slightly to look up at Eren, “I’m ok, really.”

 

Gently Eren took the palms of his hands to Armin’s cheek and tilted the boy’s face up to look at him, “I …w-well… I love you Armin.”

 

Armin melted into the touch and let out a soft sigh. He couldn’t help but smile, “I…love you too Eren.” Lip’s parted and eyes fluttered shit as Armin leaned up slightly and Eren bent down, they kiss softly for a moment. This time, for Armin, it felt perfect. Slowly parting Armin let out a small breath and his body felt warm all over.

 

“You have beautiful lips,” Eren muttered running a thumb gently over Armin’s lower lip.

 

Armin pulled away and blushed, “U-uhm… a-anyways…”

 

“Well… lunch is about over. Did you still want to go home?” Eren took Armin’s hand gently swinging it ever so slightly.

 

“I really… don’t feel like staying. You don’t have to come with me,” Armin looked up into Eren’s eyes, “B-but… I wouldn’t stop you if you did.”

 

Eren had a silly grin on his face as he looked down at the chubby faced boy, “Mmm…skipping school with my beautiful boyfriend… sounds like a plan.”

 

“I’m not…” Armin muttered, “Where should we go…?”

 

Armin pushed open the door and stepped out feeling a cold gust of air hit his face. His fingers stayed entwined with Eren’s as they walked out from the school. He felt relief knowing that he wouldn’t have to deal with anymore of the bullying, for today at least. Yet for a moment he contemplated on where they should go. If they went to Eren’s his mom would scold him for missing school and the only real option was to go to Armin’s place.

 

With a sigh Eren rubbed the back of his head, “So, ah, it’s freezing cold. We left our jackets in our lockers, so uh... where to?”

 

Armin let out a slight laugh as Eren spoke, “Skipping school and we have no idea what to do. Aren’t we doing great?”

 

“Yeah… we can go to my place. My grandpa is working as won’t notice us…so,” Armin suggested with a shrug kicking a stray pebble with his shoe, “If you want to that is…”

 

“Sounds fine to me as long as we can get out of this cold soon…”

 

“Let’s go.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

It didn’t take the boy’s too long to get to the apartment but they were both freezing. Although Armin stood by the doorway exhausted from the exertion of walking. “S-sorry… u-uhm… you can sit if you want... I’ll go make us some hot cocoa, coffee or tea. W-whatever you… want.” The blonde offered in between soft breaths.

 

“Mmm… I’ll make it,” Eren headed towards the kitchen with the blonde, “Maybe you should rest…”

 

Blushing, the blonde sat at the closest kitchen chair with a huff, “Sorry…”

 

“Stop apologizing,” Eren started to make some coffee and he turned to look at his boyfriend, “I offered to carry you.”

 

“Y-yeah… well I’m not exactly light…” Armin frowned feeling disgust for himself take over again, “I didn’t want to hurt you…”

 

“You could never hurt me, besides you’re not that heavy,” Eren passed Armin a cup of sweetened coffee, “I carried you to the nurse’s room at school that time…”

 

Armin stared down at the cup with a small sigh, “I’m sorry Eren…”

 

“For?” Eren asked bringing the steaming cup to his lips.

 

“Just… a lot of stuff,” Armin muttered, “I… I just…I’m insecure… about some…stuff.” _I don’t know if I should even tell him any of these things…? I hate myself… but I love Eren and for some ridiculous reason he loves me. I’m so confused. I want to be happy, I want to be happy around Eren… but every time I look at myself or when he touches me I feel so disgusted by myself. I’m nowhere near what Eren thinks or believes I am. I want this… I’ve wanted Eren for so long and now that I have him I’m being such an idiot._

Eren looked at his boyfriend who seemed to be deep in thought, “You’re insecure… about what… stuff? Talk to me Armin.”

 

Shakily Armin ran a hand through his hair, “It’s stupid, forget it. I don’t want to bother you with my silly problems.” A smile was forced as he looked up at Eren hoping that he would buy it and not question him further.

 

“Armin,” Eren approached the blonde, “How can I prove to you that you’re perfect in every way?”

 

“Eren…” Armin muttered sinking down further into the chair, “I just… don’t see it. I can’t comprehend what you see in me.” He could hear a sigh from Eren who now leaned down behind him wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

 

“I can prove it…” Gently Eren kissed his boyfriends cheek, “If you’d let me…”

 

Armin paused for a moment pressing his lips into a line than slowly forming his lower lip to run his teeth across it gently trying to think of something to say. Nothing really seemed to make sense. Each choice he made seem conflicting. It was distracting and just plain frustrating. Eating to please Eren and puking his guts up to feel better or in hopes of riding this mass of hatred he had built up inside. The moment he had with Eren in his room over the weekend felt so incredible yet than this hateful emotion just took over and told him how wrong it was.

 

“Earth to Armin…” Eren’s voice brought him back down to reality, “Are you ok?”

 

“Hmm…” With a shaky breath Armin got up from his chair and wrapped his arms around Eren pressing his body tightly against Eren, “Show me, tell me… make me feel beautiful. Please…”

 

Eren could feel a dampness form along his shoulder and he could feel the blonde quiver slightly softly sobbing and clinging to him like his life depended on it.

 

Armin wished the pain of his body throbbed more so he could rid his thoughts of negativity. He knew there would be bruises and he didn’t exactly want Eren to see but he desperately wanted to be loved. He desired Eren’s calm, soft and gentle caresses. He wanted to be spoiled, he wanted the attention. After his parents had died he felt nothing, nothing but pain, loneliness and anger. Yet he did everything he could think of to block it.

 

That summer helping in his grandfather’s shop, than resorting to food for comfort yet when nothing else seemed to work he took it out on himself. Maybe, just maybe, Eren was exactly what he needed in his life. It didn’t hurt to try to let himself be loved so maybe than he could love himself again. He wanted to feel like his body was not an abomination, he wanted to not care, to enjoy food without feeling like he had to purge it.

 

It was like Eren was meant to save him, from day one Armin was positively, most definitely in love with him. It was like love at first sight, his soul mate, he felt like he was everything.  Armin clenched his fingers grabbing Eren’s shirt tightly trying to force out all his tears and emotions he had bottled up inside.

 

Eren soothingly rubbed at the blonde’s back, “Shh… Armin it’s ok.”  It hurt to see someone sweet as Armin in pain, “Ok, how about… we go to your room. We can relax… and talk.” He felt Armin pull away ever so slightly and look at him with slightly puffy, red eyes. It broke his heart. He leaned down slightly and pressed his lips against Armin’s.

 

“I love you…” Armin whispered as their lips separated, “Please never leave me…”

 

“Never, I’ll never leave you,” Eren whispered in response his lips caressed along the corners of the blonde’s mouth enjoying the taste of Armin’s skin as his lips continued along his cheek pressing light feather like kisses.

 

“Even… even if I did some awful things…” Armin lowered his head and felt awkward.

 

With a sigh Eren gripped the blonde’s wrist and pulled him to the bedroom, “Sit,” Obediently his boyfriend did so and Eren crossed his arms, “So what’s going on…?”

 

Armin sat quietly on the bed; he pulled off his school blazer and avoided contact with Eren’s stare, “I… well I’m scared. I’m scared I’ll do something stupid. I hate myself so much that I feel like I should punish myself. I’m so weak and pathetic. I know you love me for… how I look but… do you love me for who I am? My personality, maybe you wouldn’t like me if you really knew more about me.”

 

“That’s not true… you’re so incredibly sweet and kind. Well let’s see,” Eren tapped his chin and let out a slow hum, “You could never do anything wrong. You look adorable with your nose in a book and when you blush when you’re embarrassed. I know I’m not always the greatest with words but I do like you just the way you are. I wouldn’t change a thing…”

 

“I just feel like you’re going to get really sick of me. I’m shy, insecure and I guess I was just worried...” Armin gripped ahold of the bed sheets nervously, “But I-I… really love food. I r-really liked when you… w-well with the cheesecake… I-I really loved it.”

 

“Armin… just do what makes you happy,” Eren sat next to Armin and grabbed the boys chin and turned his face so to look him in the eyes, “Don’t listen to what those assholes at school say. They’re not worth your time.”

 

“I guess so,” Armin did his best to not look Eren in the eyes.

 

“Mmm... I’ll show you just how beautiful you are… ” Eren pushed Armin down onto the bed pinning his hands down on both sides and kissed him deeply, running his tongue along the insides of his boyfriends mouth.

 

_Why do you have to be so perfect Eren?_

Armin’s mind was a swirling mess as a soft moan escaped his body. He felt like his entire body was melting with pleasure as Eren explored his body, every feather light touch, each time his lips connected to his body was blissful.

 

“Armin… you’re so fucking beautiful. I love you…” Eren ran his hand up and down the blondes arm only to notice the flinch and small yelp of pain escape his lips as the hand ran down the sore part of his arm, “E..eh? Did I hurt you…?”

 

“N-no… I just fell this morning I’m still a little sore,” Of course a lie but he really didn’t want Eren to track down and attempt to destroy those boys more so than he already did. Also he really didn’t want to ruin the mood but he could see the hesitation in those green eyes.

 

Slowly Eren popped open the buttons on Armin’s shirt placing a kiss along each newly exposed skin causing the blonde to shiver in pleasure from the unfamiliar contact. It was so foreign but having it come from Eren was so incredible. Eventually he felt his shirt slide open and he couldn’t help but tense from feeling insecure but still he let Eren explore.

 

Within seconds Armin was a mess as Eren sloppily kissed sensitive parts of his body. “E-Eren…” He squeaked out in between gasps and small whines grabbing ahold of the bed sheets.

 

Eren let out a soft laugh, “You’re so sensitive Ar… It’s adorable,” He whispered, hot and breathy into Armin’s ear causing the blonde to flush biting his lip with a slight whine. Any simple touch from Eren now was driving the blonde mad.

 

“Er-en… I… I… j-just… n-never…done…a-anything… like…t-this…” Armin gasped between Eren’s touches and advances.

 

“I remember the first time I really realized how attracted to you I was…” Eren sat back slowly trailing his fingers along Armin’s stomach, “When we went out for pizza, I really would have like to have called it our first date… but yeah,” He tugged at the button of his pants, “You had this… cute little belly and your pants so did not fit but I thought it was cute.” Unbuttoning the pants with one hand he began to tug them down until Armin shot out trying to bat Eren away.

 

“S-stop…I… you’re… n-no…!” Armin’s face was flushed and his hands slightly shaking, “I… I don’t feel comfortable with that... yet…” His eyes were glassy and pleading as he looked up at his boyfriend.

 

_Why can’t I just be beautiful like you…why? He’ll hate me for this… I ruin everything. I love this… but at the same time… I don’t want him to see me fully naked… not yet. Why can’t I just stop thinking? He loves me like I am… but why can’t I accept that?_

 

Armin quickly turned his stare away and focused on, well, anything else but Eren.  He felt Eren slowly get up off of him and the bed, “Uh…uhm…sorry Armin, I got kinda carried away… I’m just gonna go to the bathroom, k?”

 

“S…sure,” Armin couldn’t help but feel extremely guilty. Eren was perfect and he just pretty much told his boyfriend to back off, or so that’s how he felt. He heard the bathroom door click shut and the blonde sighed, getting up off the bed and sifted through his clothes to change out of the uncomfortable school uniform.

 

He knelt down next to his closet and pulled out a box opening it carefully. Taking in a deep breath he then slowly exhaled trying to let out all the tension that had built up in his body. It had been months since he last even looked inside. Maybe because he was too busy, a lot was going on right now but mostly he knew because it would dredge up some unwanted sadness.

 

Labeled on the side it was some of the few things he had kept of his parents. Armin picked up a mermaid hairpin that was his mother always wore. It sparkled and always accented her beautiful blue eyes that he had inherited from her. He recalled how much she loved nature, especially the ocean and how she would collect a shell from every new place she had visited which was the next thing he pulled out from the box carefully observing each color shape and size as he stared down at it.

 

He felt his eyes glass over and the tears fought to escape but he continued his search through the box. The next thing he pulled out was his dad’s journal. He worked as a journalist and they had traveled a lot. Yet even though he carried his laptop everywhere he went he always preferred to write his personal thoughts and adventures, as Armin called them, on paper which now Armin was eternally grateful for.

 

Lastly at the bottom he pulled out a brown tweed sweater, he remembered curling up on his dad’s lap as a child and how warm it felt up against it. There were elbow patches that were a bit off color but he loved it none the less. The thoughts of his mother’s teasing comment where she had stated how ruggedly handsome he looked in it. Both mother and son loved it. Strangely the memory persisted, he remembered as a small child helping his mother wrap the sweater up for his father’s birthday and how silly and jagged the paper looked as he presented it to his overjoyed father.

 

Without a second thought he pulled the sweater on, it fit, not that his father was a big man but with Armin’s chubby body he filled it out so it didn’t matter much so it made a good fit even though it was long in the sleeves and in length. It smelled like his father still. The smell of his cologne still lingered on the fabric and it comforted him.

 

He grabbed the pair of leggings Eren bought him and exchanged his school pants for them. It made him feel comfortable and his insecurity gradually faded hoping that in some way that the sweater would act as a security blanket.

 

Hesitantly he turned and looked in the mirror. Armin hated that big glass thing right now but right now he was feeling a little better about it. The length of the sweater felt flattering paired with the leggings. Satisfied before sitting down on his bed he grabbed the journal and snuggled up against his pillows slowly flipping through its pages.

 

“H-hey Armin…” Eren held his phone and glanced at a text message as he stepped into the room. His gaze worried yet unsure as he approached his boyfriend.

 

Upon hearing Eren’s voice Armin pulled the book from his face and couldn’t help but see the awkward expression plastered on his boyfriends face, “Sorry for earlier Eren… maybe if it’s ok with you that is… but could we take things you know… a bit slow,”

 

Eren wasn’t sure if he should say anything but he got a message from Mikasa and what she had told him sent a shiver of worry through his body as he pocketed his phone, “Uh, sure… you can just, hmm, let me know what you’re comfortable with.”

 

Armin let a gentle hum in response and he sat up slowly, “Eren, thank you…for understanding and for trying to make me feel better.” Slowly he walked over to Eren and took ahold of his hands entwining his fingers tightly with his.

 

“Y-yeah-um-… so…are you hungry Armin? You barely touched your lunch.” Eren asked casually looking the blonde in the eyes.

 

Immediately Armin diverted his eyes, “I… well… I’m fine Eren. I don’t need anything. We should go watch a movie.” As he got up from the bed he tugged at Eren trying to direct him out of the room.

 

“Armin stop…” Eren pulled the blonde back towards himself and grabbed ahold of his chin with his free hand and tilted it upward holding it tightly in hopes to get the truth out of the blonde, “Why don’t you want to eat?”

 

“W-what are you talking about? I eat…” Armin looked up with innocent eyes.

 

Eren sighed, “Don’t lie… there’s something going on… I need to know.”

 

“T-There’s nothing going on.” Pulling away from Eren slightly Armin smiled slightly.

 

“Then eat something…” Eren rubbed a thumb along Armin’s hand, “Just… Mikasa told me that well… Annie heard from some people that you were forcing yourself to vomit this morning.”

 

 _Oh boy, more crap to spread around school._ “What? S-seriously? W-who would…W-why would…” Armin tugged nervously at his sweater sleeve.

 

“Armin… just look me in the eyes and tell me it’s just some jerks joke.” Eren was insistent and was in no way going to back down.

 

Armin couldn’t, he just couldn’t, “It’s… I just… one time… ok?” _A lie but he doesn’t need to know._

 

Eren pulled his boyfriend in for a hug, “Armin… Why…?”

 

There was hesitation and Eren could feel the blonde fidget slightly. The tension in the room was thick but he wanted an answer and held Armin tight against him yet still he leaned down to kiss the top of his head gently hoping to ease the words from the blonde. He heard a soft whisper and strained to listen, “I feel guilty... and I just couldn’t help it, but…” His small voice broke off a bit but shook slightly as he tried to explain himself further, “I…didn’t want you to find out…”

 

Eren then rubbed his boyfriends back soothingly, “Listen, Armin… I know it’s not easy and I’m no expert on things but look… I’d rather you be happy so if… you want to lose weight you can tell me and we can do this safely.” He ran a hand through fine blonde hair, “Is this because of me…?”

 

Armin shook his head frantically, “N-no… It’s not your fault…”

 

“You’re a beautiful person Armin inside and out… who cares what other idiots say or think. What matters most is how you feel about yourself so if you’re not fine with yourself then tell me. Don’t do something just because of my stupid selfishness,” Eren pulled Armin towards the mirror and stood behind him lacing his arms around Armin from behind.

 

“E-Eren…,” Armin sighed with a pout, “I’m so stupid getting caught like that…” He said the rest in a mumble but enough for Eren to hear, “To be honest… I just really don’t know why I did what I did… but I just panic. It’s like a constant battle in my head. I’m so sorry…”

 

“I think I understand… but look… you’re so cute…” Eren was foreign to this situation but tried his best to comfort his boyfriend, “I think what we need to do is to do things that make you feel good about yourself.”

 

“L-like…?”

 

“Well for one…” Eren pointed slightly towards the mirror, “Let’s start with me showing you the beauty you so ignore.” He waited until Armin looked up at the mirror, “Starting with your hair, it frames your face perfectly. It very much suits you. Now you have the most positively unique yet adoring face… large blue eyes perfect little nose, full lips and my personal fav are these chubby cheeks that I love to kiss.”

 

A blush crossed over Armin’s face, “Mmm… Ok, keep going.”

 

“Of course…” Eren’s hands rubbed up and down his stomach, “I love this the most… but you know Ar it’s not always about looks. I think you’re too focused on that to realize that you are the smartest person I know with a brave and caring heart.”

 

“You’re so lame Eren…” Armin couldn’t help but crack a grin as he turn to look up at the other boy.

 

Eren rubbed the back of his head, “H-hey… you insisted, that’s how I feel. Oh hey now how about me?”

 

Armin rolled his eyes, “Positively perfect… absolutely positively incredibly perfect in every way.”

 

“So Armin… do you feel any better?” Eren asked while kissing his boyfriend who after nodded slowly yet surely.

 

“I am hungry…” Armin muttered softly with a small smile he reached up and wrapped his arms around Eren’s shoulders, “Let’s get some snacks and watch a movie?”

 

“Sounds like a plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just another little note. I do have another story planned! But I'm working on the plot a bit... expect possibly another 1-2 chapters for this story!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, clearly just a smut chapter. Aside from that I had this written up forever ago and wasn't sure how much more I wanted to add. I'm just so torn since I don't want to end this but clearly out boys have got everything figured out. I'm so bad at writing any form of smut and stuff. Forgive me! It's pretty much the last chapter yet I might get around to writing up another shopping trip adventure for our boys.
> 
> I love all the support I got on my first story! I'm so happy! Expect another story from me soon after. Another chubby Armin centered story but much different type of story. Not confirmed on the pairing yet but it will have some surprises! :)

It really didn’t become a surprise to either Eren or Armin but their connection to each other deepened and even though they were Eren was grounded for who knows what yet still the green eyed boy always found a way to sneak out and in to see his boyfriend.

 

Armin curled up against Eren on the couch and Eren gently ran his fingers gently up and down Armin’s side as the blonde nibbled on chocolates that was brought as a special request. “You’re so lucky my grandfather work’s most of the day…” Armin muttered, “I don’t want you to get in even more trouble.”

 

He felt Eren shrug a little, “Oh whatever, it’s the weekend and there’s no way in hell I’m going without seeing you.”

 

“Hmn…” Armin sighed as a smile crept over his face, “You’re ‘band’ must be mad at me for taking up all your free time.”

 

Eren grumbled up his breath, “Not really… they’re all studying for end of semester finals… we’re on a break for now until after finals are over.”

 

“Oh, and shouldn’t you be studying too?” Armin popped another chocolate into his mouth with a soft hum.

 

“W-well… I do… well, I told mom I was studying and to not disturb me but I snuck out the window… and here I am.” A bashful grin formed on Eren’s face as he ran a hand gently made its way under the blonde’s shirt, “I can’t stay away from you. I’m addicted to you.”

 

Armin sighed and turned his gaze up to look at those green eyes he loved, “I feel so comfortable around you…” Slowly Armin popped the last chocolate into his mouth, “You make me feel… better about myself, more confident.”

 

With that Eren massaged his boyfriend’s stomach, than pinching playfully at the soft bulge of fat newly forming around his hips and thighs. “You’ve put on more weight…” He whispered pulling the shirt upward ever so slightly.

 

With flushed cheeks Armin’s lips formed a soft smile, “Have I?” Playfully he massaged his own stomach, “I didn’t notice,” A hint of excitement in his voice as he spoke.

 

“Mmm… I’m sure you didn’t,” Eren leaned in, hot breath against Armin’s ear, “I wonder how much you weigh…”

 

That caught the blonde off guard and his cheeks turned a bright shade of red, “I-I…w-well… I d-don’t know… l-last time I…I ever checked was so long ago…”

 

“We should check.” Eren insisted, hearing no response and hesitation lingering with the blonde Eren found himself pouting slightly, “Please… for me.”

 

Armin let out a long sigh, “Alright, but what do I get in return?”

 

“Well,” Eren slipped away helping his boyfriend up from the couch, “I’ll spoil you… order you pizza… hand feed it to you. Sweets for desert… We can relax and watch a movie while I massage your beautiful body… whatever you are comfortable with.”

 

A small laugh escaped Armin’s lips, “Ok, ok… sounds fair. Well, I think I get the better end of this deal.”

 

Eren grabbed Armin’s hand and tugged him along behind him towards the bathroom. He watched the blush caress over the normally pale cheeks as he slowly stepped up onto the scale. Slowly Eren gazed down at the numbers and a smile twitched onto his face with excitement, “Want me to tell you?”

 

Armin kept his glance away from the scale his blush persistent, “M-maybe… I-I mean… I’m only guessing it’s a lot because it seems I gain weight really easily… o-or something…” Slowly he bit his lower lip feeling a slight bit of embarrassment and stepped away now keeping his gaze downward unsure of what Eren was currently thinking.

 

Arms soon laced around the chubby form and Eren leaned down kissing his cheek gently, “196…” He whispered softly.

 

“O-oh… t-that’s a lot yeah?” Gradually Armin looked up into green eyes, “T-too much?”

 

Eren shook his head with a smile, “Of course not. Be better to get you over 200 and we can definitely start working on that…” His hands trailed down caressing the curvature of his boyfriends back and downward to his larger backside.

 

Armin nodded, “I… just need to remind myself to… do what makes me happy.”

 

“Does this make you happy?”

 

“Yes. I just… need to stop caring what other people think and… to concentrate on what I want,” Armin’s voice was soft but sure as he spoke, “I won’t force myself to be something I’m not. I know you’ll support me… you’ll always be there for me if I start having doubts. I don’t want to hurt myself.”

 

“Of course Ar… I’ll be there for you no matter what. I just hope you never hide anything from me. If things get too intense in any way I trust you’ll talk to me,” A light fluttery kiss caressed Armin’s lips, “You’re so important to me.”

 

Armin snapped his head up to stare up at Eren, “Don’t forget what you promised me,” A pout formed on his lips, “I am hungry… you’ll order pizza from our favorite place right…? It’s really good there… I promise I’ll eat everything you get me.”

 

“Ok, ok. I’ll go call in and make an order…” He kissed Armin’s forehead and went off to grab his phone.

 

Armin let out a drawn out sigh in relief and he leaned up against the bathroom door frame. He wasn’t overwhelmed by any means, more relieved that finally things were beginning to settle down in his life. The feeling of acceptance for himself was increasing and he enjoyed his time with someone that loved him just for who he was.

 

The desire to be spoiled and pampered by Eren was just overly exciting. Biting down on his lip he ventured out to find Eren who pulled the phone away from his ear. “How long?” Eren jumped slightly and turned to look at the sweetly smiling boy.

 

“Hmm, about an hour…” Noticing the pout that formed on Armin’s face Eren couldn’t help but let out a low chuckle, “Eager are we? Well, I’m sure there’s something we can get you to eat from the kitchen.” Approaching the blonde Eren rubbed a hand along the chubby waist massaging the soft fat gently.

 

“That feels nice…” Armin whispered gently staring up into green eyes, “I love you…”

 

“I love you Ar… you’re so adorable.” Eren leaned down slightly and kissed the soft full lips of his boyfriend before leaned back in to whisper in his ear, “You… go relax in your room and I’ll bring you a snack…while we wait.”

 

“O-ok!” Armin smiled brightly as he turned walking down the hallway and into his room. He flopped down on his bed snuggling deeply into the pillows with a relaxed sigh. Gradually he pulled himself up in a half sitting position and closed his eyes. _I feel so… happy. It’s strange… it was like only yesterday when I hated my body… I hated everything to the point where I was on the verge of hurting myself. Eren saved me…_

“Hey Ar…”

 

Armin felt the bed dip slightly as Eren sat down next to him snapping him out of his thoughts, “Hm?  Oh… those are the chocolate peanut butter brownies I made earlier…” His blue eyes scanned the plate Eren held.

“You made these? They look incredible…” Eren put the plate down next to the blonde, “I’m gonna set up your laptop and we’ll start a movie while we wait… you on the other hand get started on those sweets.”

 

Armin immediately started on the brownies next to him and eventually Eren curled up next to him laptop in a position that both of them could see. “What are we watching…?” Armin snuggled close to his boyfriend and smiled.

 

“Hmmm… I dunno… does it matter? Not like I’ll be paying attention.” With a grin Eren picked up one of the sweets and casually held it near his boyfriend’s mouth.

 

Armin pouted snatching the sweet from his hand and took a generous bite, “I’ll finish these before the pizza arrives…”

 

“Hmmm… you also promised to eat everything I ordered for you…” Eren let out a small hum and grinned holding a second brownie out for the blonde, “I wonder how much weight you’ll put on if we continue doing this…”

 

“Mmm…” Armin felt his cheeks flush, “My clothes won’t fit at this rate…”

 

“A little late for that Ar… although you look pretty hot struggling to fit into all your clothes….” Eren’s voice trailed off and Armin could see Eren look slightly embarrassed, “I know, you probably think that’s strange. But I love it… the way your pants look when you try to force them over your big belly… when the button looks like it’s going to pop off.” Eren swallowed and Armin wasn’t sure but just talking about it looked to make Eren flustered and slightly.

 

“I could put on tighter clothes later… just for you…” Armin finished up the second brownie and gave Eren an innocent look, “I’ll let you watch me… try and squeeze into them…” He added with a grin, “Then… who knows what might happen from there…”

 

Eren whined slightly, “Who’d of thought you were such a tease…” Playfully Eren poked at Armin’s round stomach.

 

“Little do you know? Onto brownie number three,” Armin snatched another sweet and pushed the entirety of it in his mouth.

 

“And only four more to go… than pizza… I also ordered garlic bread and some of their specialty pasta and it’s all-for-you…” Eren rubbed his boyfriends stomach gently, “Hope you have room…”

 

“I-I…w-well… maybe… I hope so too,” Armin sighed slightly, “I’m sorry if I’m so awkward…”

 

Eren shook his head, “You’re fine, really, just relax.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

A knock at the door startled the two boys but Eren bolted up, “It’s probably the food,” He flashed the blonde a grin and left to the front door.

 

Armin bite slightly on his lower lip feeling a bit nervous but taking in and exhaling a deep breath seemed to relax him. He propped himself up a bit better against the pillows which he propped up against the headboard and watched the door eagerly for his boyfriends return.

 

“I got it Ar!”

 

Eren rushed into the room and joined the other boy on the bed. He looked over at the now nervous boy, “You… ok with this?” Sharp green eyes stared at the boy who merely nodded slightly.

 

“I am Eren, I promise. I just need to forget about all the stupid things…” With that he felt Eren grab one of his hands and rubbed his thumb over it soothingly.

 

“I love you and I want you to be happy. If you want to stop, or you feel too uncomfortable tell me… ok?” Eren stated in a soothingly calm voice.

 

Armin let out a small laugh, “I-idiot…I-I know… a-anyways. I am still hungry.” He gave Eren a playful smile, “If only there was someone to help with that…”

 

Eren pulled the pizza box close and leaned in close enough to slowly hand feed the eager pretty faced blonde boy. He made slow soothing strokes along the round stomach as each piece was finished. “You’re lucky you’re wearing sweatpants…” Eren ran a finger along the waistband of Armin’s pants which sat low along his hips exposing the fullness of his stomach.

 

“Mmhm…” Armin hummed, “S-sorry… t-this is the most I’ve eaten all at once… b-but I love it… thank you Eren.”

 

Eren playfully poked gently at the soft middle before returning to the soft soothing rubs, “You know… you could get so… fat if we did this more often…” Eren grabbed at the soft fat along Armin’s hip, “You are too adorable.”

 

A childish pout formed on Armin’s face, “I want more Eren… please.”

 

“Good isn’t it?” Eren whispered as he hand fed the boy, “You are so insanely beautiful right now. Your eyes, lips… everything. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted.”

 

“I’m gonna get so fat…” Armin blushed brightly but a smile appeared on his face, “I love it. I’ve loved it all along… I’m done denying it. I’m done hating who I am…”

 

“Good… I hate seeing you in pain…” Eren caressed Armin’s pale cheek, “But… I’m glad you’re focusing on what’s important to you.”

 

Armin sighed, “Mmm… even my grades dropped for a little while… but I’m making up for it now. I even did a couple of extra credit assignments…”

 

“You’re such a cute nerd.”

 

“H-hey now… I’m your cute nerd… and you’re my handsome hero.”

 

Eren couldn’t help but let out a laugh, “Damn we’re stupidly cheesy.”

 

“Who cares about that…” Armin snatched the half eaten piece of pizza from Eren, “You were making me wait.”

 

“Tsk, tsk, so impatient. Hmm… next weekend we’ll go shopping… I’ll pick out some clothes for you… plus you’re adorable to shop for, so many things to accent such a wonderful figure.” Eren kept running soothing circles on Armin’s soft stomach, “Has your grandpa… well, said anything about...?” His voice trailed off as he added a few small pats to his middle.

 

“Oh… well, luckily my grandpa hasn’t really said anything to me about anything… but I don’t think he cares as long as I’m happy,” Armin smiled, “Ugh… well I’m glad to go shopping…. Even these sweat pants are getting tight… I-I mean I can barely get them up over me. The outfit you got me for my birthday is even starting to get a bit snug…”

 

Eren bit his lip, “Fuck you’re so hot Ar…” He swallowed dryly, “How is your skin so soft…?”

 

Armin simply shrugged as he continued to enjoy his current food binge. He did his best to indulge himself but eventually it slowed as it soon became too much for him. “I-I’m sorry Eren… I don’t know if I can finish…” He muttered softly.

 

Eren chuckled, “It’s fine,” He packaged the remnants of food up and put them aside, “You did great, best not to push yourself too much…”

 

“H-how do I look…?”

 

“Perfect, beautiful, always… it doesn’t matter. I love you just the way you are…” Upon seeing Armin smile Eren sat close, “I want to see you… all of you…”

 

Armin’s cheeks flushed red, “I…w-well…just I’m not ready… for other things…” His eyes focused away from Erens, “I’m really sorry.”

 

“It’s fine… I won’t rush things… can I?” Eren tugged slightly on the band of Armin’s pants.

 

With a confirmed nod from the blonde Eren slowly slid the pants down his legs the best he could, making sure to underwear stayed as he did, revealing soft large thighs. Armin pulled the shirt off and tossed it casually aside and let exhaled a long nervous breath.

 

“B-but now you’re wearing too much clothes…” Armin pouted feeling slightly awkward as he sat nearly naked, his confidence slightly shaken.

 

“That I am…” With ease Eren pulled his shirt off and quickly shrugged off his jeans than slowly crept on the bed hovering close to the nervous boy, “That better?”

 

“Y-y-you…look… so incredible… perfection…” With a slight pout blue eyes glanced down at himself, “I keep having to remind myself that I’m fine just like this… sorry. I’m nervous.”

 

“Don’t be… It’s just me. I love it.” Eren now set out to massage the Armin’s soft pale skin gently causing a relaxed sigh escape his lips, “Full body massage…how about it?”

 

“Mmm…that… would be great…” Armin almost moaned out as Eren’s hands roamed across his body.

 

Eren sighed, “You have such chubby legs… and…” Eren was now straddling the other boy running his hands up and down his sides pausing around his hips and groping the fat there watching his belly fat jiggle with just the slightest touch, “Hmm… even your underwear is tight… digging into your fat like that…”

 

Armin bit his lip and couldn’t resist showing his now aroused state, “Y…yeah… I… I… love when clothes are tight… the way they feel… S-so…I-I’m not denying it… hnnmm…” Eren’s hands drifted massaging up his inner thighs causing the blondes body to react.

 

Eren was now leaning in sloppily kissing, sucking along Armin’s lips, neck and then along his shoulder, “Feeling good, hm?”

 

Flushed and now turned on from the touches Armin nodded weakly letting out soft hot breaths, “Y-yes…” With a bit more courage Armin reached out hand running along Eren’s toned chest and did his best to explore his boyfriend’s body without being awkward.

 

“Love you…” Eren whispered and kissed him gently on the cheek. Hearing Armin whispered a sweet ‘love you’ in return he continued to make out with his beautiful blonde obsession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh I feel all stupid when i write smut. -hides face with hands- Please don't hate me!
> 
> Also promoting shingekinodisgusting Chubby Eremins story! We need more chubby Armin! THANK YOU! -http://archiveofourown.org/series/246079


End file.
